Was this a typical birth experience?

[Thepurple1]

I had DS about 5 months ago and am starting to think a lot more about labour and my experience and wondering if it was typical or not.

I had DS by a csection, I asked for the section as I was being induced. During the induction I had a sweep and the midwife accidentally broke my waters. My contractions didn’t start so I was taken to delivery suite after 24 hours but declined the drip and asked for a csection. I knew he was going to be a small baby and the risks of intervention were higher.

Im told it was a straightforward delivery but when DS was born he wasn’t put on my chest for skin to skin until I was in recovery afterwards. By this point he had been dressed with a hat on so the skin to skin was delayed as he had to be undressed again. Immediately after he was delivered he was wrapped in a towel and given to my DH who brought him to show me, DH then went with the midwives to weigh, dress him etc whilst I was being sewn up.

I spent 4 hours in recovery as DS had hypoglycaemia (he was small) and we were discharged to the ward at 4am. I knew DH couldn’t stay but he wasn’t allowed on the ward at all so I had none of my bags (they were put behind my bed). I had to sit in bed until he came back at 9am with no nappies or milk etc as the midwives didn’t respond to the buzzer and didn’t have time to look for them. I was slightly traumatised when he came back! I also didn’t eat from 11am when I requested the section until breakfast at 7am the next day as the kitchen was apparently closed after my section.

Was this a typical birth experience? Some of my NCT friends gave birth in different hospitals and had skin to skin and better experiences on the postnatal ward. I’m wondering if I should just get over it or if I should complain. DS has never latched and I don’t think the lack of skin to skin helped. I also opened a stitch reaching to get DS from the cot as the buzzer was unanswered so long and my wound healing hasn’t been great.

I had three c sections (although they were years ago now) and yes parts of this sound very familiar to me. It shouldn’t be that way, women deserve better.

I have had 4 children 3 c sections never did skin to skin contact with any of them wasn't a thing when I had mine so do not think it's necessary.

Sounds pretty typical from my experience apart from not being fed - midwife’s made sure I got some basic food even if kitchen was closed.

Skin to skin isn’t their highest priority, particularly after a section, it’s not something I’d get upset about personally. The midwives might have been aware of other stuff that needed their attention over that. It’s nice to do but not essential.

Your c-section wasn’t technically planned so I’m not sure about the skin to skin part as you were already in labour and your waters had gone. I think in that respect it was better baby just coming out rather than hours of agony before needing an emergency c-section, which often happens when you try to evict a baby not ready to come out! The other stuff sounds like the staff just being shit at their job. My birth experience wasn’t great and I in part put that down to staff not doing what they were supposed to do.

Did you have a birth plan with you specifying you wanted skin to skin after birth? Or your husband informed and telling them that’s what you wanted in the event of a c section? That part I think is unfortunately left down to women to specify what they want to happen and for any future births I’d go in with that knowledge about your c section requests.

The second part I would absolutely be putting in a complaint about that is outrageous and shows negligence from the midwives.

Some of it sounds typical of my c-sections - neither of my babies were immediately put on my chest in theatre. They were weighed, had a nappy and hat put on and wrapped in blankets. I was offered them to hold after that but DH had to help me, I didn’t do skin to skin until we were in recovery an hour or two later. I don’t think that’s unusual.

DH wasn’t allowed to stay on ward, but he accompanied me there and put things within reach before he left. My buzzer was mostly answered, or I just shouted - it was a busy six bay ward so there were staff about. I think being completely ignored for five hours with a freshly born baby is dangerous (were they not doing obs at all?) and I’d complain about that - not being able to feed or change a newborn is surely a safeguarding issue!

Kitchen was closed upon my arrival on ward both times (I had morning sections but was in recovery until late at night) but I was offered cereal or toast or a sandwich. I wouldn’t expect a cooked meal but if they offered you absolutely nothing even after you asked then yes, I think you could complain.

You don't get skin to skin in theatre as a) theatre is cold for infection control b) laying flat on your back with tubes in your arms and hands and numb from the waist down makes it incredibly hard to hold the baby safely whilst not disturbing the surgeons stiching you back up.

The rest of it sounds incredibly woeful, such as the lack of food, there should be sandwiches and biscuits available at all times.

Was there any particular reason why your partner was not able to bring you food or order in a takeaway?

The bit about not receiving your bags sounds bizarre, I'd definitely raise that with the hospital.

Not standard where I work at all. Was baby fed overnight?! And when were you helped out of bed? And you should obviously have been fed and given the opportunity to dress your baby after lots of S2S.

I had a csection with my second 4 years ago. I think our experience should NOT be the norm, it definitely wasn't to me:
They cleaned and weighted DS, wrapped him in a towel, then he came straight to my chest (so that was a few minutes after he was born). Stayed with me and DH on recovery and then we went to the room after a couple of hours. By then it was around 3pm I think, it was during Covid so DH left and could only come back to pick me up the next day around 4pm (I said I wanted to go home and was good to be discharged). I had food as soon as I went to the room, had my bags and a MW even helped me change the baby's nappy as I couldn't move much due to the catheter...
So, you deserved a much better birth experience for sure, but try not to dwell on it, it won't make a difference in a year or 2... (my 1st birth experience was VERY traumatizing and I still don't talk about it, but it doesn't hurt me now as it used to)
Much love to you and your little baby!

Sounds v similar to mine. I didn't want skin to skin but couldn't have done it anyway as there wasn't much of me to access.

S2S in theatre is the default if wished and possible at my trust. In fact I think we push it too hard sometimes!

Obs anaesthetist. Something doesn't add up. The only reason baby doesn't go directly to your skin in theatre is if there's a problem with either baby or you. If the problem is with yourself (unwell/vomiting too much/dizzy etc) then your birth partner will be offered skin to skin instead

If there isn't immediate skin to skin then baby will have to be dressed as the risk of getting cold is v high in newborns.

V variable which post natal wards allow partners to stay over. So likely normal

They should have answered the buzzer, they should have offered you toast or a sandwich out the fridge

I'd ask for a birthing debrief to discuss your concerns x

We didn’t do skin to skin when I had any of my 4, and during my planned c/s I had a medical emergency so my post birth cuddle was a minute or two before he was whisked away so they could deal with me. None of this affected anything so to be fair so I don’t think this caused his latch issues - has he been checked for tounge tie?
Im surprised you didn’t get a cuppa and biscuits or toast afterwards if the kitchens were shut but it does sound like the ward was very busy - not that that is an excuse but sometimes it’s the way it is if others need more nursing attention.
I’m sure it was very frustrating not being able to reach your bags or baby but I don’t think it’s worth a complaint now but you could request a de brief to discuss it if you wished

What? I can only assume your aren't in the UK as 95% of the csections I've done in the last 9y (probably about 200/yr) all get skin to skin unless mum/baby are unwell. Theatres are cold - that's part of the reason we do skin to skin so they can have mums heat directly then we place 2 towels ontop. It is awkward to hold baby but that's what the anaesthetist and birth partner is there to assist with

I had an elective section so a bit different, but had immediate skin to skin as soon as DD was checked over...she just had a nappy on and was not dressed. I had some toast and tea in recovery. They should definitely have made sure you had your bags and essential bits for the baby...I seem to remember that they attached my bags to the bed itself so that it definitely came with me from recovery. The post natal ward was terrible...no help at all and I remember buzzing and no one coming so had to get baby out myself etc. So generally thr c section and recovery was great but ward awful

I was helped out of bed after the 4 hours in recovery and then had a bed bath and had clean gown, my catheter stayed in until the next day. No baby wasn’t fed from the 4am when I left recovery until my DH returned as my formula was in my bag and DS wouldn’t latch at all, I think because he was so tiny (only 5lb 8oz). I had been expressing colostrum but had fed all of this to DS when he was born due to the hypoglycaemia. I wasn’t able to change his nappy or get snacks from my bag at all! I had hoped DH would be able to come on the ward just to unpack my bag for me but he wasn’t allowed.

I’ve had 4 csections and I’ve had skin to skin in theatre every time. They place baby on the top of your chest, almost near your neck.

I didn't have skin to skin after my section, I think I did when I got onto the recovery ward though but possibly we just did that ourselves (me and DH)
I was the last section of the day so had to deal with the spinal block all night without dh there to help. The midwives were amazing though and answered the buzzer, passed me the baby, helped me feed her etc. I'm sure I had some toast at some point as well.

I really don't think it's acceptable that they left you alone all night.

This is exactly how we did sin to skin in theatre following my section - up high, almost next to my face. My DH was there supporting him.

I wish they'd taken a bit more time with him before bringing him over for skin to skin - they weighed him and wrapped him in a blanket with a hat but forgot to put a nappy on him so I ended up covered in meconium which was utterly grim. Great for helping me mobilise post-section though as I was desperate to get out of my bed and into the shower!

Oh gosh, I bet that felt awful! My youngest was small and he kept slipping onto my neck but, same as you; DH was instructed to support.

I had my first in hospital at 4.20pm. The food was delayed and not very much food and the midwife got cross every time I pressed the buzzer. I had a straight forward delivery so didn't need as much help but I felt like an inconvenience. The midwife who delivered me was nice but busy popping between rooms even though my labour was progressing very quickly so I went without gas and air for a while.

For the next 2 I had home births as I wasn't keen on repeating the experience.

So not a bad experience but I did feel like I was an inconvenience and they didn't really have time to help with feeding etc.

Overall I had a pretty positive birth experience but between the meconium, accidently ripping my cannula out and bleeding all over myself, and the sweats from the 40°C temps on the recovery ward, I felt more grimy than I did after a weekend at Glastonbury.

Oh Christ! It’s always those things we remember too, isn’t it. The recovery ward was horrendously hot with me too. And the ward! Middle of a heatwave for the youngest 2!

Does sound familiar, i didn’t get skin to skin in theatre which i asked for and they knew i was sad about, one nurse held DD’s (wrapped up) face to my cheek. Got it in theatre but I was also numb from shoulders down for a while as the epidural went too high so I couldn’t hold her so it didn’t last long as I was losing a lot of blood so DH just held her whilst the midwives focused . They did respond to the buzzer but not given any help to get stuff out of bags etc which were on the floor whilst I couldn’t really move yet, then I got told off next morning that I hadn’t changed her nappy yet.

I was also fed late at night but was promptly sick straight after (I’d been being sick throughout labour).

I really feel birth partners need to be allowed to stay post section, as it’s nearly impossible to care for a baby whilst numb, and it would have made a world of difference to me. I know women don’t want men on the wards though, and private rooms would presumably cost too much.

Theatre aspect is pretty standard. There is a push for skin to skin in theatre but realistically it’s cold in theatres and you are in the middle of major surgery often feeling nauseous etc so a lot of the time it’s not the experience you expect even if you do have staff willing to push for it. You also have to hand the baby to someone at the end when being rolled for cleaning and transferred to a bed for health and safety so would be uninterrupted anyway. Skin to skin in recovery is often more realistic.

The postnatal experience is poor. Why can’t partners even come on to the ward to settle you down? And poor form from staff not having time to help you, appreciate it’s busy but you are unable to help yourself after a spinal and are reliant on them. Not answering a call bell is dangerous you may have been calling for something serious.