Was this a typical birth experience?

[Thepurple1]

I had DS about 5 months ago and am starting to think a lot more about labour and my experience and wondering if it was typical or not.

I had DS by a csection, I asked for the section as I was being induced. During the induction I had a sweep and the midwife accidentally broke my waters. My contractions didn’t start so I was taken to delivery suite after 24 hours but declined the drip and asked for a csection. I knew he was going to be a small baby and the risks of intervention were higher.

Im told it was a straightforward delivery but when DS was born he wasn’t put on my chest for skin to skin until I was in recovery afterwards. By this point he had been dressed with a hat on so the skin to skin was delayed as he had to be undressed again. Immediately after he was delivered he was wrapped in a towel and given to my DH who brought him to show me, DH then went with the midwives to weigh, dress him etc whilst I was being sewn up.

I spent 4 hours in recovery as DS had hypoglycaemia (he was small) and we were discharged to the ward at 4am. I knew DH couldn’t stay but he wasn’t allowed on the ward at all so I had none of my bags (they were put behind my bed). I had to sit in bed until he came back at 9am with no nappies or milk etc as the midwives didn’t respond to the buzzer and didn’t have time to look for them. I was slightly traumatised when he came back! I also didn’t eat from 11am when I requested the section until breakfast at 7am the next day as the kitchen was apparently closed after my section.

Was this a typical birth experience? Some of my NCT friends gave birth in different hospitals and had skin to skin and better experiences on the postnatal ward. I’m wondering if I should just get over it or if I should complain. DS has never latched and I don’t think the lack of skin to skin helped. I also opened a stitch reaching to get DS from the cot as the buzzer was unanswered so long and my wound healing hasn’t been great.

No it’s not right and you should definitely complain.
however, unfortunately it is not an unusual story and similar has happened to many other women. This doesn’t make it right (the main sticking issue for me is after birth when you were left without access to your bags and no one answered your buzzer to help- that’s despicable)

Hmm well looks like my DD had a good birth experience a few days ago. Waters broke in night. Contractons started late afternoon. Taken to MW unit at half 8, baby born a few minutes past 9. Given tea and toast and spent whole night in delivery room with her DH. Went home 8.30am after breakfast
Wzs a MLU though

I'm not sure. I had a c section in June, like you I didn't really know what to expect. I had skin to skin as soon as I could (they did the 'lion king' moment lowering the sheet!!) Then took baby away to be weighed. Partner cut the cord and then baby came over to me in a towel for skin to skin, I did feel quite nauseous so didn't do it for long. Baby passed to partner for skin to skin instead. In recovery I was given tea and toast then assisted by staff to do skin to skin when I was feeling better.

On the ward I was given a bedbath by one of the staff and my partner helped. Then moved to a side room, not sure why. Partner allowed to stay overnight it was the case for the whole ward even if we were in a bay, but staff were strict with partners not leaving during hours of 10-6 etc not to use toilet facilities etc etc.

Care afterwards varied - I unfortunately had a ?bowel obstruction with heavy vomiting etc in the first couple of days afterwards, vomit bowls took a long time to be taken away (20 mins with buzzer unanswered). Breastfeeding support was also varied and my baby also struggled to latch (had a tongue tie). Some staff were amazing, others not so much. But I never felt unsafe or anything. I think postnatal wards are notoriously understaffed.

My recovery unfortunately was poor but I think I was unlucky. I had a persistent infection in my wound and needed 3 rounds of antibiotics. Didn't fully heal over until 4 months pp. I also kept getting mastitis because I was combination feeding and not pumping effectively. As I said I think I was unlucky as I've read some stories on here where recoveries have been amazing.

Edited our postnatal ward also had a kitchen open to both patients and visitors. Self serve items like fruit, toast, yoghurts, cheese and crackers, and sandwiches in the fridge. Tea and coffee. That's what they did for breakfast but obviously snacks could be had at any time. I think it was a really good system tbh

I would definitely complain about a baby with that history not being fed for 7hrs, that's ridiculous.

I had an EMCS and experience sounds pretty similar. I was surprised after having a VB the first time around as I just assumed skin to skin etc would still happen but honestly I was so relieved it was over I didn’t care that much and honestly can tell you it made no difference.

The ward experience I’m not sure of, my first sounds similar to that but that was covid so not sure what the excuse can be now! Sadly post partum care is just shocking all round. So yes normal but that doesn’t mean it’s ok or a good experience.

I don’t know how typical it is but it isn’t acceptable - you needed and deserved a much higher standard of care.

Sounds about right I didnt get skin to skin my daughter was prem so got rushed to baby care got a quick glimpse that’s all didn’t see her for around 4 hours till after recovery my partner had to go see her he could only show me pictures of her.

she was 4 month early she’s now 6 and sitting next to me playing Roblox eating a subway 😂

This doesn’t sound right
I had a cs and I had skin to skin as soon as drs were happy with my baby.
he was born early hours and I was provided tea and toast.
They were rubbish at answering bells on the ward with me too

Sounds like your FH didn't speak up for you. He was handed the baby and then just went and dressed him. Why didn't he say you wanted skin to skin? Did he do skin to skin himself?

And then he just left? Just accepted he couldn't even see you settled in the ward. Seems a bit crap. His job as birth partner is to be there for you not just be a passive audience.

Anaesthetist and we always offer skin to skin with mum unless there is a good reason not to, some don’t want it, sometimes an issue with baby meaning it isn’t appropriate but most of the time we make it happen if that is what is wanted!

How awful that you were left for that long with no way of changing your newborn baby's nappy or feeding them. And no one even checking that you hadn't keeled over from not eating for 24 hours. It's a sorry state of affairs really when women accept poor care as the norm.

It’s completely and utterly shit and you should complain to PALS. It’s awful the country’s maternity services are in this state and women are not being supported properly. I don’t think men should be allowed to stay overnight in maternity wards but pragmatically it may now be necessary if we can’t care for women through sufficient trained professionals, I hope you are ok now.

That said, I’ve just supported my partner (sane sex) through a planned c section. She couldn’t have skin to skin as she was in shock with nausea and blood loss. Baby then went to NICU. She couldn’t see him fit 24 hours. They said they treat the birth day as day zero so we’re not too worried about fluid intake etc - be he was not prem and a good weight. She has bit got bfing going though. So just noting that even with planning things can go awry.

Your experience sounds like a shambles. I had a planned CS. Once DD was delivered, they briefly checked her over and she was on me for S2S whilst I was stitched up. Husband was allowed in the ward briefly to carry my bags in (and leave them in reach!) and then had to leave due to visiting times. Also terrible that midwives didn’t respond to your bell. I did find postnatal ward was massively understaffed and MWs were generally pretty snappy at night as a result. This was during covid though. I had one have a go at me when I requested water- I had to talk over her pissy voice to state I’d had a CS and had numb legs! I’m hoping this time round it’ll be more pleasant…

It sounds fairly typical (ie AWFUL ), and honestly better than my c - section experience, but that isn’t to say it’s right!! Women (and their babies and birth partners) deserve so much better, I’m sorry it was a traumatising experience :( if you feel able to then I would make a complaint. Four years on and my family and I are still suffering the ramifications and so we haven’t, but I haven’t ruled it out in the future if we feel stronger! X

Tbh it doesn’t sounds that non typical to me in general

• skin to skin in theatre was offered to me when I had my first c section. I was so shaky and too many tubes, I declined and my husband did skin to skin in theatre and I did in recovery room. With second baby I had a crash section and didn’t meet my baby until almost 11 hours after the birth. We still bonded and I still breastfed after we were reunited. It wasn’t ideal but I was glad baby and I were alive so I didn’t dwell on it
• yes if you didn’t go to the ward until 4am I’m not surprised the kitchen was closed to 7am
• both babies I had to get out of the bedside cot myself every single time, it wasn’t an option to buzz a midwife to pick them up for every feed or nappy change. I was expected to care for baby (husband couldn’t stay because of Covid and visitor hours)

it has been nearly 16 years since my c section but from memory as they were concerned with a pp haemorrhage they wanted to deal with me so DH did the skin to skin - and I would expect that as a bare minimum. He then put a nappy on her and a vest etc until I was in recovery then I did skin to skin

the second bit is awful and needs complaining about

The midwife unit was the dream but due to the babies size and the induction it had to be the labour ward sadly! I would have preferred no intervention.

They made you have a C-section because of his size? This seems bizarre to me. My sister and I have both had similar sized babies and she’s had 2 vaginal births with no issues. 5lb 2oz and 5lb 5oz.

It is shit OP. I had similar first time around but forceps in theatre and not cs. Second time I had an assisted delivery in the ward and was taken to theatre for stitches. I was much more aware second time around and insisted baby came to theatre with me for skin to skin and to feed. First child never latched and second is ebf (although not without issues!). I also had better staff second time round who were more aware of my needs.

Was that full term (40 weeks)? DS didn’t really grow at all past 35 weeks hence the induction. But at those weights he would have been taken to SCBU.

Ah okay; yes all full term babies. None needed SCBU but obviously if your son stopped growing it was different. Im sorry you had a difficult time.

Yep sadly I think experiences like this are becoming more common due to lack of staff and then less empathy due to stressed midwives. I was supposed to have a c section , as I was having a big baby, waters broke naturally however and at the time the only anaesthetist on duty was in theatre and couldn’t prep me which by that time two hours later I gave birth! Thank god she was actually just long not big. I also didn’t get given an evening meal as they said I hadn’t ordered one- I wanted to ask them how on earth I was I supposed to know when my baby was going to make an appearance on that particular evening shift! But thought there was no point! Husband ended up going to the 24hr garage and got me a bag of hot cross buns! Also on my first labour a different one to this, I was in labour and waiting three hours for an epidural 4cm dilated when I arrived- is that normal?

You're not meant to have skin to skin immediately after a c - section due to infection

I didn't have a section but I found the ward midwives absolutely awful on both occasions.
I discharged myself 4 hours after the birth of my first they were that awful.

rubbish. If all is well with both mum and baby it's completely normal to have skin to skin after the cord's been cut. Once the baby's out of the sterile field then there's no increased risk of infection.

there may be maternal or neonatal reasons why skin to skin isn't possible (and some women just don't want it immediately/find it rather uncomfortable having a 3-4kg weight plonked on their chest whilst lying flat & numb), but those are more the exceptions rather than the rules.