Was this a typical birth experience?

[Thepurple1]

I had DS about 5 months ago and am starting to think a lot more about labour and my experience and wondering if it was typical or not.

I had DS by a csection, I asked for the section as I was being induced. During the induction I had a sweep and the midwife accidentally broke my waters. My contractions didn’t start so I was taken to delivery suite after 24 hours but declined the drip and asked for a csection. I knew he was going to be a small baby and the risks of intervention were higher.

Im told it was a straightforward delivery but when DS was born he wasn’t put on my chest for skin to skin until I was in recovery afterwards. By this point he had been dressed with a hat on so the skin to skin was delayed as he had to be undressed again. Immediately after he was delivered he was wrapped in a towel and given to my DH who brought him to show me, DH then went with the midwives to weigh, dress him etc whilst I was being sewn up.

I spent 4 hours in recovery as DS had hypoglycaemia (he was small) and we were discharged to the ward at 4am. I knew DH couldn’t stay but he wasn’t allowed on the ward at all so I had none of my bags (they were put behind my bed). I had to sit in bed until he came back at 9am with no nappies or milk etc as the midwives didn’t respond to the buzzer and didn’t have time to look for them. I was slightly traumatised when he came back! I also didn’t eat from 11am when I requested the section until breakfast at 7am the next day as the kitchen was apparently closed after my section.

Was this a typical birth experience? Some of my NCT friends gave birth in different hospitals and had skin to skin and better experiences on the postnatal ward. I’m wondering if I should just get over it or if I should complain. DS has never latched and I don’t think the lack of skin to skin helped. I also opened a stitch reaching to get DS from the cot as the buzzer was unanswered so long and my wound healing hasn’t been great.

You know best.

My youngest was a planned section, we didn't get immediate skin to skin but only because I lost a lot of blood so I'm assuming they were just focused on me and sorting that out. She went to my DH wrapped in towels and once I was in recovery we did skin to skin there. I think it's usually standard nowadays unless there are complications.
I think what stood out from your op was the fact your small baby wasn't fed for a significant period of time, that's concerning and neglectful from the midwives on that ward. I would be asking for a debrief and putting in a complaint to pals. The buzzers are there for a reason, what if there was an emergency.

With my elective c-section baby was weighed, measured, put in a nappy and a hat, wrapped in a towel and given to dh, who was sat behind my head as he was worried about getting in the way. I couldn't see either of them but dh told me that whenever I spoke, ds was turning his head towards the noise. Then the paediatrician said that ds was grunting and needed to be in nicu. I wailed that I hadn't held him yet and so I got a quick cuddle before they took him. I had tea and toast in recovery and then got offered lunch about half an hour later. Although despite being starving hungry just before my section I wasn't really hungry afterwards. It was visiting time when I was moved to the ward so dh was allowed to stay but he went to pick up our toddler soon after anyway. The mum's who came at night were allowed their birth partner to come in with their bags, make sure everything is within reach before leaving.

With my emergency section baby was taken straight to be resuscitated. They weighed him at one point but didn't measure him. The community midwife was a bit cross about the lack of birth measurement but it was the least of my worries tbh. The baby was quickly shown to me when they went to nicu and they took the bag and mask think off him for a moment so I could see his face. Tbh I can't remember much of what happened after that except the surgeon came to see ds in nicu to see if he was ok which I thought was very nice of him.

In short, yes, fairly normal but things can and should be better. But things can only improve with more staff, which means more funding. I found when an emergency happened, everyone worked incredibly hard to save both our lives. And afterwards the staff were incredibly kind but so so busy. And the emergency we had w would probably have been preventable if there were more staff available. I went into hospital with bleeding at 10:30am and tested positive for infection with the first set of observations. I wasn't taken down to Labour ward until 7:30pm. The induction was started at 9pm but it was too late by then and I developed sepsis at 4cm dilated at 1am.

Can I ask how long this skin to skin thing has been promoted? Never heard of it when my eldest 2 were born in the 90s. Third one in early 200s they did mention it but I told them to clean him up before handing him to me.

What is it actually meant to achieve?

I started as a midwife in 2005 and skin to skin was a thing then…..though not in theatre. Only started happening in theatre immediately post section in the last ten years probably, and initially only if women asked for it.

The research shows it helps to get breastfeeding established but also helps baby to keep warm and calm, promotes bonding.

Ok well my 3rd child was born 2003 so kind of makes sense but no issues breastfeeding my 1990s babies without it so really don't think it's THAT much of a big deal for people to get overly upset if it doesn't happen.

I had a c-section and it was similar, baby was handed to DH and was dressed before I was able to hold him. I had two natural births and had skin to skin straight away. I assumed that baby was handed to DH after c-section as it wouldn't have been safe for him to be on me whilst I was having surgery but not sure if that is the case.
I couldn't care for my baby overnight as I was still paralysed from waist down but there was a HCA on the ward who was checking in on me and helping with care of the baby. I also got some toast made by the midwives so if I was you I would be making a complaint about them not being responsive to the buzzer and not having some food available. You needed help to care for your baby after surgery and that help should have been available.

You are quite wrong about most of this. Skin to skin is very commonly achieved in theatres in the UK. (DOI: also a UK obs anaesthetist).

I assume you've quoted the wrong person. I've anaesthetised for about 600 csections!

If I may ask, why can't the husbands stay with the wife and baby overnight?

It used to be a normal thing (on this side of the pond), but it has been 18 years since my DGD was born. They encouraged the fathers to stay and had a pull-out couch, bathroom with shower, etc.

Did Covid change all that and kept it changed?

I had babies between 2006 and 2014 and it wasn't a thing in my local hospital then. Some hospitals do it now and some don't. Nothing to do with covid I don't think.

The reasons some hospitals don't do it now is lack of space and toilet facilities for a load of extra people, some men will make the woman sleep in the chair while they sleep in the bed. Some women don't feel comfortable with men in the ward overnight.

this is anecdata but when I had my youngest about half the dads were polite and just there to help. The other half were kicking off, poking their heads round other people's curtains to watch them breastfeeding etc. The visiting grandparents were worse tbh. About 20% helpful, the rest disruptive. 1 leering grandad, 3 grannies loudly speculating about why some women didn't have babies with them. One woman had been through an extremely traumatic birth and the baby was in painkillers because of a forceps injury. She then had to put up with her MIL making comments on how brave her son had been and insisting on holding the baby who screamed in pain whenever she was picked up and whimpered the rest of the time.

Unlike other posters, I got offered skin to skin straight after my 2 c-sections. My first emergency one I was completely traumatised and refused the second (planned) one I had while they stitched me up. I wasn't able to breastfeed my first, but was my second.

I would complain about everything you've posted.