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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling someone gift is wrong or keep schtum

80 replies

HettyMeg · 03/01/2025 07:59

Interested in others' views on this. Say a family member had got you something for Christmas and it didn't fit or just wasn't right, would you tell them?

My view is that it's not worth the hassle but then I am a people pleaser. I'll just quietly donate.

YABU = You should tell people if it's the wrong size

YANBU = Suck it up, it's the British way

Signed, the recipient of a pair of kids' (not kid) gloves!

OP posts:
strawberrycrochet · 03/01/2025 08:03

My mum got me something for Christmas this year that I absolutely hate. A piece of expensive jewellery which is not my style at all and I'll never wear (it's very glittery and showy - not me at all and I don't know what she was thinking).

I felt quite offended to be honest as it just showed how little she knows me. She's always wanted me to be more 'girly' than I am so it just felt like a slap in the face.

But I didn't say anything. I will just put it away and maybe in a few years, when she's forgotten about it, I'll sell it.

RhaenysRocks · 03/01/2025 08:06

Generally I tell them, in a polite and respectful way making it clear I really appreciate their effort but X is wrong. It does depend a bit..a pair of too small slippers I swap. A slightly different version of what I actually wanted I suck up but later down the line I might mention I prefer X so it's not repeated. My DM got me an expensive makeup compact. Right brand and shade but slightly wrong formulation. I'll use it but in about six months might drop in that the one in the green packaging is the best one. I know many people say there's no point raising it if it's non returnable but my family tend to latch on and repeat "successful" purchases.

buttonousmaximous · 03/01/2025 08:07

If it was a close family member or friend I would say as I know they would want me to be happy and I would want them to say to me.
If my aunt or work colleagues gets me some chocolates or smellies I'm not keen on no I don't say anything

Radionowhere · 03/01/2025 08:07

Kids gloves? I wouldn't be able to not say anything, but that's me and tact can be challenging sometimes. Suspect the correct answer is not to bother mentioning it, maybe depends how close you are.

nodramaplz · 03/01/2025 08:12

I'd secretly ask if the receipt was kept, there was a wee hole in them, If not u can see it up.

I'm all for not wasting someone's money.

MrsMitford3 · 03/01/2025 08:12

If it is my DH I would tell him-and have done over the years.

My Mum still buys me things I would have worn 20 years ago which I find poignant and depressing in equal measure but I don't say anything.

So unless it's a mix up/easy fix I don't mention it.
Doesn't seem worth it on balance.

Mindymomo · 03/01/2025 08:13

As a family we stopped doing presents for this very reason. Clothes wrong sizes, not to everyone’s taste etc. I was usually happy with mine, but my in laws hated everything.

Whyherewego · 03/01/2025 08:14

For gloves I'd probably say, oh I love the gloves but they come up small. Any chance you've still got the receipt and I'll swap for larger. If they say no problem then great. Otherwise just drop it.
I'd probably only do this with a close relative though. Otherwise I'd be regifting

soundsys · 03/01/2025 08:15

It depends! My mum or my sister I'd just say they didn't fit (although we'd normally include gift receipts for clothes for this reason so they can be swapped if needed). A distant Auntie I'd think it was nice they got me something and say thank you politely and just pass them on to someone who could use them.

Flipslop · 03/01/2025 08:17

Whyherewego · 03/01/2025 08:14

For gloves I'd probably say, oh I love the gloves but they come up small. Any chance you've still got the receipt and I'll swap for larger. If they say no problem then great. Otherwise just drop it.
I'd probably only do this with a close relative though. Otherwise I'd be regifting

Yes this, I’d totally say something to avoid wasting someone’s money and would very much want someone to tell me if I’d got them the wrong size or something rather than stick it down the charity shop.
it’s not a big drams as far as I see it

romdowa · 03/01/2025 08:18

My friend regularly buys me silver jewellery, I wear only gold but I've never said anything at all. I just smile, say thank you and then put away

spottedinthewilds · 03/01/2025 08:22

Are they magic gloves?

Or are they expensive gloves - if so - yes I would ask to change.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 03/01/2025 08:23

strawberrycrochet · 03/01/2025 08:03

My mum got me something for Christmas this year that I absolutely hate. A piece of expensive jewellery which is not my style at all and I'll never wear (it's very glittery and showy - not me at all and I don't know what she was thinking).

I felt quite offended to be honest as it just showed how little she knows me. She's always wanted me to be more 'girly' than I am so it just felt like a slap in the face.

But I didn't say anything. I will just put it away and maybe in a few years, when she's forgotten about it, I'll sell it.

Are you my wife?! My MIL did the exact same thing to her this year! And my wife is planning to do the exact same thing with the gift.

90yomakeuproom · 03/01/2025 08:26

It depends who it is. Mum or husband yes but they normally include the gift receipt and go out of their way to say to change it if it's not right as they want me to actually use the things they buy. A friend or someone not as close, probably not.

Jolietta · 03/01/2025 08:27

Always tell them.

My daughter was gifted a beautiful beret when she 18 by a cousin of mine.

The beret was for 18 months! Much hilarity ensued.

Enko · 03/01/2025 08:27

For clothes I'd just say. Oh it didn't fit do you have the receipt so I can swap them..

Harder when it's stuff I don't like or when my.mpther would buy me.dang awful clothing in Denmark.

RickiRaccoon · 03/01/2025 08:28

I don't say anything. People seem to get offended if you do. eg My parents gave us a dark wrap for baby and I was worried about it rubbing off on all the other exclusively pale clothes so I asked for the receipt so I could swap the colour. My mother made a face and a comment about picking it especially.

wineandagoodbook · 03/01/2025 08:29

No, I probably wouldn't say anything, but I would return it to the store for an exchange or store credit 😁

TigerRag · 03/01/2025 08:32

I'm in the same situation. Was given a book but haven't been able to read standard size print since the mid 2000s which is hardly a secret.

The book was from my sister. Not a relative who barely knows me

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 03/01/2025 08:34

I think it depends on who they are from and the cost. A cheap pair of gloves from my granny I wouldn’t say anything but an expensive pair from Dh I would.

Just say ‘thank you so much, they are beautiful but sadly they don’t fit. They appear to be children’s gloves’.

Feelinadequate23 · 03/01/2025 08:37

I think it depends on how wrong it is and whether you think thought has gone into it.

My aunt received an XL jumper this year and she is a size 6! TBF she tried it on, in case it's one of those styles that works well baggy, but she looked like a child trying on her dad's jumper! 😆The giver directly asked her if she liked it and aunt was genuinely confused about why it was given, so she was honest and said the pattern was lovely but the size rather swamped her! Turned out the giver thought they'd picked up a Small but had got it wrong. They'd included the receipt so she's going to see if she can get it swapped. I think it's fair enough to raise in those circumstances.

On the other hand, my lovely mum gave DH and I each a mug, which we both really hate. I'm not going to say anything as she's the type to put thought into things and I don't want to hurt her feelings. It's a bizarre choice from her, I'm really not sure what she was thinking. We have just had our kitchen re-done to a stylish farmhouse style (which she loves!) and she bought us each a massive (family size!) novelty-style mug each which relates to something we have no interest in at all (she got me a ballet one, I did ballet aged 3-6 and haven't shown any interest since. And DH got a Star Wars one, when he has never shown any interest, hasn't even watched all the films).

This is very unusual for her as she normally checks gifts beforehand and they are always really nice! We've hidden them under our bed, have told her we're each taking them to our office to be our special work mug, and will take to the charity shop in a few months! If she gets anything similar again we will have to be honest as I don't want hundreds of these things!

weebarra · 03/01/2025 08:37

DD received clothes from her DGPs that really weren't to her taste so I took them back, but not planning to say anything. They were perfectly nice clothes, but DD is incredibly picky!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 03/01/2025 08:39

Depends who it was from.
But generally I'd just quietly regift it or add it to the charity pile.
We're quite ruthless in our family though and no one is put under duress to keep stuff. We all encourage decluttering.

Yetanothernewname101 · 03/01/2025 08:39

We get presents like this from offspring and in-laws who you'd think might know about allergies etc.
Last year pretty much everything for DP had some sort of orange scent - candles, body lotion etc DP allergy to oranges.
I got earrings for pierced ears. Beautiful things and expensive, MiL sits there going 'so you can put them in right now as you're not wearing any!' Reader, my ears aren't pierced.

Melodyfair · 03/01/2025 08:40

I had got it so none of us adults in the family bought for each other, we bought all their kids presents and I would buy my dad and parents in law gifts, but there were a lot of other adults and I was sick of exchanging pointless crap between each other, I thought everyone was happy with this.

However we found out over a month ago that one family member had decided to go ahead and buy us all something, it was announced casually. We all got the same and it was a large appliance, so I had to find something to give them but it looked thoughtless and rushed, because actually it was.

I actually already have a version of this gift, it was probably me that gave them the idea earlier in the year as I bought one and went on about how I loved it. I can’t and won’t say a word to them about it because firstly it’s probably un refundable now but also I don’t think they would take kindly to it being brought up, I love them very much and they mean so well, but apparently they have fallen out with me this year then forgiven me for something all without me knowing about it, emotions can run high with them.

I have thoughtful birthday gifts planned, but Christmas I’ve just had enough and run out of all the steam in my tank that should have last a lifetime. Il say nothing about the gift, but now have to store it and say I loved it, which I would have loved it if I didn’t already have one.

So after all that OP, I’m in the smile, say thanks and just move on camp, albeit with a little more unwanted clutter in your life.