Son has just told us he is non binary

[Chipshopninja]

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

Slightly off topic nevertheless relevant. Apparently there are now couples who decide their newborn will not be announced as being a boy or a girl. According to this 'I need to shock & be different' trend, the child should be left to decide their own gender & it shouldn't be imposed upon them by the parents. The lunatics are running the asylum.

I struggle with this kind of insanity.

No matter how much we wish we could, we cannot escape our sex. It's extremely wrong headed to encourage a young child to think they can.

That sounds like typical imaginative behavior of a child that age. Others will insist they are mermaids, cats, Batman, a bird, 10 years old (I'm NOT 4!), a ghost, a fairy, etc.

Children at a young age who insist they are the opposite sex will grow out of it if the adults treat them normally...'oh, so you're a boy today. Ok, crackers and juice as soon as we get your jacket off.'

For a good 3 years, my DD and DN truly believed they were fairies who visited each other in the garden at night. Ask them today (they are teens) and they remember believing that but don't remember when it faded away.

Educate yourself on the matter!!!!!

We have, dear

Oh we've educated ourselves!
About the terrible drugs and brutal surgery vulnerable young people are persuaded to access. About how vulnerable the children are with countless mental health challenges, eating disorders, autism etc. About autogynephilia. About the entrenched homophobia of persuading children who will likely end up as lesbian or gay that transitioning is the solution to their feelings.
And now we're educated, we're no longer keeping quiet.

Children deserve so much better than having this dystopian nonsense presented to them as a desirable life choice. Adults must be free to make their own decisions - but children must be protected from making life changing decisions before they are old enough to understand the consequences.

As others have said, the OP has got the measure of what's happening and will no doubt sensitively manage this with her child. And it's great to see so many mumsnetters supporting the rights of parents to safeguard their children and to challenge those pushing gender identity at children.

Well said @MrsOvertonsWindow.
The only thing I would add is that the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25 so I would consider young adults with ASC and/or co-morbidities such as eating disorders or trauma as equally vulnerable as children and needing protection.

Excellent post. Schools have absolutely no right whatsoever to teach children they can choose their gender or agree to children changing their name (with the utterly ridiculous idea they keep their birth name for exams) or anything else for that matter without the parents consent. While a child is still deemed to be a child they're answerable to their parents who are responsible for their upbringing from the day they are born until they reach adulthood.

generally considered to be those of us born up to 1980. so a gen Xer won't have had a drastically different world to grow up in than you did.
I'm a late X. I'm 44.

sounds like you're confusing nonbinary with asexual.
some people are both. but they're not the same thing.

it's an American Hoax. the reality is, very sadly, some American classrooms have a litter tray and litter on standby in case of an active shooter situation, so they can't be heard going to the toilet when they're blockaded in.

I have a lot on N.B. friends and only one has had any surgery because of it. and saying it was because of it is a stretch. their main reasoning for wanting a mastectomy is that A. they had a very large bust that caused them chronic back pain. and B. a family history of breast cancer.
they considered having no boobs and looking more androgynous, just a plus point of removing those physical health problems.

I posted earlier as I’m a parent to a non binary child. I think this post has changed topic slightly as there is a lot of talk about surgery and changing gender. Whereas identifying as non binary is saying the relate to neither. And it’s not something that hormones or surgery would necessarily be needed for. I think for many girls, the non binary bit comes in where they are what we called back in the day as a bit Tom boyish. They don’t fit the stereotypical girl behaviour but aren’t interested in being a boy or engaging in what appears to be boy behaviour (I’m not sure there are actually girls and boys activities/interests/jobs etc but there is a perception of these. I was a tomboyish girl but still see myself as a girl/woman and don’t feel a new label would help. However the current generation of kids seem to want labels on everything.

I’ve supported the non binary thing but just going with it. Not saying a big no and refusing. But not shouting support from the rooftops. Our school refuses to entertain these changes without parental consent, which I think is fair enough. I do sometimes think by going against teens it can make them hang on to these things more. I’m hoping it’s a phase but if it’s not then that’s fine also. My teen is almost 16 so won’t be far off being able to make decisions legally for themselves.

No words 😥

It's about going against stereotypes, thats all

I actually went through this age 5 or 6 (1980s so no internet whatsover). I said I wanted to be a boy. I was sad knowing I was a girl.
A teacher talked to me during the break and asked me gently why I wanted to be a boy.
I said I wanted to play scalextrix. I didn't like dolls. I wanted to get "boys toys" and not wearing dresses but tracksuits and run around.
She said to me that was completely OK and explained that's not the same as wanting to be a boy. That I could be a girl and do all those things. It was a relief.
I'm in my mid 40s have a husband and my children and never wished to be a man. I do "identify" as a woman really believe in empowering other women and stop with stereotypes.
I sometimes wonder what would have heppend if I was born 40 years later. What happend if a teacher tells the class maybe what I felt is that I was trans and I could transition to be a boy. Really and truly all this propaganda needs to stop.

Would you think it was a ‘bit young’ if a 10 year old boy had a crush on a girl? I doubt it.

This is not very much not what being non binary is.

I think there is a lot to do with it.
Apparently non- binary is not identifying with either being male or female. But also you can identify with both at the same time or identify with being an animal or tree or becoming transgender. Its all a lot of bollox. And it's becoming politically correct which is the most alarming thing.

You can think it’s bollox if that brings you comfort.

But some people are non binary, and I’m really tired of reading people saying things like “oh I didn’t like wearing dresses and liked to play football, imagine if I was born now!” As if that has anything to do with being non binary or is in any way the same as the experience of people who are actually non binary.

Anyway.

OP, just love your child for whoever they are / whoever they become and you can’t go wrong xx

Care to expand on what “being non binary” actually is, then?
You’ve told people they’re wrong, but not why (fairly typical, tbh).

Nobody is neither male nor female, and nobody is both. No, not even people with a DSD. They’re still either male or female. HTH.

but not why

😅. I’ve done enough of that today.
(and no one is ever actually interested anyway).

So, no clue. Who didn’t see that coming? 🤦‍♀️

But some people are non binary should read "But some people choose to be called non binary." They are basically saying they want to avoid sex stereotypes - that's fine. But they cannot BE non binary - they are either male or female.

Indeed. And nobody should be telling children that they can opt out of their sexed bodies and be non binary. Again - if adults wish to believe this, just as they can believe the earth is flat and that there are fairies at the bottom of their garden, that's their choice. Children don't have the fully developed critical faculties to navigate this - especially when it's framed in allegations of being unkind, transphobic or a bigot for failing to comply with the lie.

It's a web of deceit that's being spun for children and it's only maturity that will enable them to unpick that - hence the need for parents to step in and protect them.