Am I being too sensitive or would this bother you?

[Privateeye34]

My boyfriend of 1 year and I went to a little family gathering last night for the new year. I’m nervous of dogs and the dog kept coming over and sniffing round me (as dogs do). I said to my boyfriend about it and he said “that dog knows a bitch when he smells one”
??

Apologies - I misread.

I would find this much easier to sallow, in fairness, but I would still tell him to watch his mouth.

He called you a Bitch, unacceptable

A horrible comment as its reducing you to "animal" status.

May be a joke, but a cruel joke.

Ugh he sounds horrible. I can't believe this is an otherwise normal, nice, respectful, polite, intelligent, happy guy.

I know :(

That's horrid.

If it was a total.one off (not happened before?) Then I'd probably not breakup over it (unless a new relationship) but I'd be naking it clear it was not appropiate and that any repeat and it's over.

Grim

He would now be my ex-bf.

He was joking...

He’s apologised. That’s literally all he can do. The op does either need to let it go or leave him. You think she should stay with him and resent him?

I would end the relationship for this 'joke'.

Some might feel that's extreme and I know it's hard for you to hear that when you know the whole person and aren't just basing your judgement of him on this once comment.

It's easy at this stage, and after only one incident to move past it; put it behind you; choose to consider the whole person and all the good stuff that has happened in the past year...

However. It has been said. It can't be unsaid.

I am 50 years old and in my 32 years of adult life, I've been married and divorced, had other relationships, dated and dumped and, yes, overlooked, forgiven and given second chances to men who have made 'ill considered jokes' or distasteful comments at some point and there has not been a single time when I was right to have done that.

What's actually happened is that, by the time I've dumped them, I've got 6 months worth, 2 years worth, how long I've stayed with them since that first comment worth of similar jokes and comments.

There was a thread recently that asked if there are always red flags at the start of the relationship. Opinions were split. But, essentially this is one of those red flag comments that you don't like now but wonder if you're over reacting. In another year or so, there wil have been many more and you'll wonder why you didn't just end it the first time.

I would not like this one bit. I'm happy to have the mickey taken out of me but this would not register as funny for me either. I'd be hypervigilant now for anything else.

If you let this go OP, are you going to be, as a pp says, hypervigilant for other red flags? No-one should live their life waiting for the other shoe to drop and as first shoes go, the word "bitch" is pretty big - it's full of aggressive, misogynistic intent. It was also aimed at you in a context where you felt vulnerable. I like dogs, but I can't abide wasps. If someone made an unsympathetic jibe at me in a setting where there were wasps buzzing around, my view of that person would be less than positive. I wonder how your boyfriend would like to have something he fears weaponised against him for someone else's nasty fun?

Yeah he knew right away I wasn’t happy but kept saying he was joking then

one off? that would be a firm discussion about his language towards me. And I'd be watching him.

2nd time or more? that would be an ex-bf

Bloody hell. He probably thought he was making a joke but what a nasty joke.
I'd tell him that whatever he may say now, he was being offensive, and if he says anything like that again, you're leaving.

Oh and I would add that yesterday he was then trying to downplay it by saying “I was calling you a female dog, not an actual bitch” I said you know exactly what you meant

Misogynistic joke - it wouldn’t have occurred to him to make a ‘joke’ like that if he didn’t think of women as bitches at some level.

Has he apologised, or just kept with the defensive, " just a joke" trope?
It says a lot if he can't apologise, express that it was a mistake on his part and show genuine remorse.

He did apologise but I don’t think it was because he thought it was wrong just that he seen my response

Hell no. He's testing your boundaries to see how much he can get away with. Eff him off and move on.

Did he say it as a joke? I think some people are too sensitive. I'd have come back with something like "dickhead, I'm the top bitch and don't you forget it" and laughed it off, he clearly meant it as a joke

Yeah he did say it as a joke but not funny to me at all

Some people don’t find misogyny funny. That isn’t being too sensitive. That’s called not being a misogynist.

Women who accept misogynistic jokes from partners often wonder why they are with a misogynist years down the line.

When someome shows you who they are... and all that.