Who is BU?

[BlackBean2023]

Couple - A and B (I am one of them). 2 kids - 17 and 8.

NYE plans were to have dinner with next door neighbours and some mutual friends then come home c.11pm to see NY in quietly at home. Kids went back home approx. 9pm.

A and B both drinking but A more than B. At 11pm B says they are going home to check on the kids and wishes everyone a happy new year. Sees NY in alone as both kids were asleep and goes to bed at 12.30am.

A comes home at 1am with 2 of the mutual friends and continues drinking/eating/chatting in the kitchen at home until 2.30am.

Both A and B are up at 8.30am but A understandably has a raging hangover. B is annoyed that A carried on drinking when the plan was to come home, B thinks A needs to lighten up.

It's not been the best year of marriage for A and B, and they are currently in marriage counselling.

Who is BU? (I will reveal if I'm A or B either way!)

I’m with B and would have no patience for that. I also would have sent A’s mate packing at that time.

A is unreasonable.

If A woke either B or the children up I'd be really really bloody pissed off.

You're very obviously B!

I think it depends on the backstory.

It's nice to be social, and of B wasn't up for a party it seems a bit of a shame to drag A home just to sit on the sofa. NYE is a one off.

But if A has form for being inconsiderate, then that pattern isn't ok.

A is unreasonable

Well, here's the thing. If I was B, I'd be slightly miffed. However, if I was A, my dh would not be miffed with me.

It was New Year’s Eve? Agree A needs to lighten up

I think the plan to celebrate new year but come home before midnight seems a little pointless personally and I would have expected both A & B to be out until after 12. Although if there was firmly agreed plan then yes A is unreasonable to go back on that.

I'm curious if you all needed o be up at 8.30 though? It sounds like everyone could have done with a bit more sleep.

It being New Year’s Eve doesn’t mean someone should be a childish embarrassing twat getting pissed.

You're B

It’s NYE, people are in high spirits. I don’t think A has been that bad but can see why B is annoyed. If I was A I’d apologise for the change in what was planned and do something nice for B to acknowledge that their feelings of annoyance are valid.

Generally speaking I take a dim view of people agreeing to things and then not sticking to them. So I think A has been unreasonable.

However, if A had wanted to do NYE differently, would B have agreed to a more open-ended plan? Does B listen to A when A has different ideas about how to do things?

Perhaps the plan was unreasonable in the first place. It feels natural to want to enjoy NYE by spending time with friends.

If A is up and involved at 8.30 despise the hangover it seems fine to me. Though as things don't occur in isolation it will of course really depend on previous situations

Was A quiet, or were they waking up B and the children?

If quiet, then I don't really think either are particularly unreasonable. I don't like new year, and don't drink, so I'd be coming back at 11 and going to bed. But staying up past midnight on NYE is hardly egregious behaviour.

If loud and waking people up, then I think that part was unreasonable.

If I was B I'd be very mildly miffed but it's no big deal. It's very easy to get a little carried away when you're having drinks with friends.

If B got woken up when A and co came in then I'd be annoyed if I were them. Also that A had not wanted to see NY in with B. Otherwise did B lie awake listening rather than join in?

You are B. Why did you go home at 11 pm? I'd much rather see in the New Year "out" with other people than sitting at home with just my DP. I would have gone back out again when I realised A was staying out. Once you had checked on the kids and they were okay, you could have gone back out.

It’s NYE so I couldn’t make a big deal about this as a one-off.

It’s their hangover so I wouldn’t start a new year with it being a problem.

So much of this depends on the back story, it’s impossible to say!

Did A want to stay out longer all along? Was there a reasonable discussion about it? Does A usually have to fall in line with B’s plans or was this plan agreed happily by both? Is there a reasonable degree of compromise between A and B in this relationship or is one person consistently getting their way?

Does A have form for getting too drunk or otherwise being a pain? Does B have form for insisting everyone fall in line with their preference for a quiet night?

Was A noisy and obnoxious when they got home?

I think B needs to lighten up

It depends if there's a massive backstory about this being regular behaviour of A, or that B is really sentimental about NYE and wanted them to bring it in together at home. Or if A woke everyone up when they came in.

For me personally I don't think I would be that bothered if I was B. I don't think 2.30am is that late on NYE (which I'm not personally bothered about anyway) and I'd just be glad that it wasn't me with the hangover! 😂

Sorry wrong way round, A needs to lighten up, guess who was up until 0230

I don't think 02:30 is massively late for NYE into NYD.

If A didn't wake the children, and they didn't have anywhere they needed to get to in the morning, then I don't think there's anything for B to be upset over really. It's pretty common that friends end up continuing conversation and being later than expected.

Plans change when people are having fun. Especially when alcohol is involved.
I think this is the sort of thing that really wouldn't be a big deal if the couple were in a happy marriage and there weren't other issues.

If I was B I'd have checked on the kids and gone back to the party rather than sit at home fuming once it became clear A wasn't coming back.
If I was A, I would have told B I was having fun and wanted to stay and see in the new year and asked B to nip back over.