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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think husband ruined NYE?

102 replies

Chummychoos · 01/01/2025 06:27

Last night for the first time ever we went out to celebrate NYE.
We bought tickets to an event, along with a couple of friends, and were really looking spending NYE at a party altogether but I feel like my husband ruined the night.
Both my husband and my friend’s husband mixed their alcoholic drinks and ended up in a bit of a state. However while her husband quietly retreated to a corner of the room mine was on the dance floor bumping into people, stumbling about and getting progressively more and more irritating and embarrassing as the night went on.
We left promptly after midnight as most of us were no longer enjoying ourselves, plus I felt like I had to keep a constant eye on what my husband was doing to make sure he wasn’t bothering/falling into other guests etc but I am really annoyed with him and feel that he ruined what should have been a good night out.
I don’t even want to talk to him today, although I imagine he isn’t going to wake up feeling too bright so hopefully won’t try to talk to me, but I am also wondering if I am BU to be so annoyed particularly because I didn’t drink alcohol (driving) so my perception will be somewhat different

OP posts:
brummumma · 01/01/2025 08:19

Drunk people always seem more drunk and embarrassing when they are sober - I doubt anyone actually noticed and everyone was having a good time and equally as drunk

I'd be careful how you approach this as you could easily come off as an uptight fun sponge

Nothingisrealisit · 01/01/2025 08:21

Well for the people who see drinking alcohol as the only way to enjoy themselves your DH has done nothing wrong. After all alcohol is for getting drunk and New Year " celebrations" are the ultimate chance to exercise the right to get legless isn't it?
For those of us who find drunks and excessive drinking annoying and ridiculous it's best to stay away from events where the whole object seems to be consuming excessive amounts of alcohol.

Movingonup313 · 01/01/2025 08:21

Hoover LOTS today. His head will be banging. He has annoyed you. I get that. Its not the end of the world. Male him feel worse by telling him how crappy it was for you. He will apologise and try to make it up to you - enjoy that part. Not worth falling out with him for if everything else is good between you.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 01/01/2025 08:22

I don’t understand why getting drunk in a way that is unpleasant for loved ones and strangers to witness and deal with, is ever considered acceptable. Of course DH s behaviour spoiled your evening. The problem with drunkenness is that it makes people impossible to reason with after a certain point so the only time to usefully discuss this with him is when he has sobered up.

diddl · 01/01/2025 08:23

It's annoying for others dancing though when there's a drunk guy that they have to be careful of in case he stumbles into them.

Shame he couldn't have just sat out of the way like his friend.

MerlotMisery · 01/01/2025 08:26

Chummychoos · 01/01/2025 06:27

Last night for the first time ever we went out to celebrate NYE.
We bought tickets to an event, along with a couple of friends, and were really looking spending NYE at a party altogether but I feel like my husband ruined the night.
Both my husband and my friend’s husband mixed their alcoholic drinks and ended up in a bit of a state. However while her husband quietly retreated to a corner of the room mine was on the dance floor bumping into people, stumbling about and getting progressively more and more irritating and embarrassing as the night went on.
We left promptly after midnight as most of us were no longer enjoying ourselves, plus I felt like I had to keep a constant eye on what my husband was doing to make sure he wasn’t bothering/falling into other guests etc but I am really annoyed with him and feel that he ruined what should have been a good night out.
I don’t even want to talk to him today, although I imagine he isn’t going to wake up feeling too bright so hopefully won’t try to talk to me, but I am also wondering if I am BU to be so annoyed particularly because I didn’t drink alcohol (driving) so my perception will be somewhat different

It depends on the context, has anything like this happened before?

I find it very anxiety-inducing if a partner doesn't know when to stop drinking, behaves erratically, and you don't quite know what's going to happen next.

Particularly in a social situation where other people are aware of it, and particularly if the partner doesn't even realise there was a problem afterwards.

To know your sweet spot, and be able to pace yourself well and generally have a healthy relationship with alcohol is a sign of true maturity.

LittleMosIron · 01/01/2025 08:29

I'd probably be annoyed that I felt my evening was ruined, but carrying it on until the next day and giving the "don't talk to me treatment" is just silly.
Take the piss a bit when he wakes up feeling crap and move on.

zoemum2006 · 01/01/2025 08:31

He probably seemed worse because you were sober. Drunk people are no fun if you’re not drinking. I doubt anyone else was bothered by him.

stayathomer · 01/01/2025 08:32

oh he had a good nys. Sorry you didn’t but not talking to him over it is nuts and putting all of your first of January down the toilet! Just get him a glass of water and enjoy not being hungover!

butterpuffed · 01/01/2025 08:32

He was hardly the only person who got drunk last night , what an over reaction .

Pumpkinpie1 · 01/01/2025 08:32

I’d get the vacuum out and be extremely loud x His head can’t hurt that much ……

JapanOneDay · 01/01/2025 08:32

Nothingisrealisit · 01/01/2025 08:21

Well for the people who see drinking alcohol as the only way to enjoy themselves your DH has done nothing wrong. After all alcohol is for getting drunk and New Year " celebrations" are the ultimate chance to exercise the right to get legless isn't it?
For those of us who find drunks and excessive drinking annoying and ridiculous it's best to stay away from events where the whole object seems to be consuming excessive amounts of alcohol.

Exactly.

The husband was knocking into everyone and the OP felt responsible and left early. Unless he is 16, this is embarrassing behaviour. People’s responses here reflect the entrenchment of unhealthy attitudes to alcohol in British culture. Phrases like ‘fun sponge’ etc.

DorothyStorm · 01/01/2025 08:38

i used to work in a hotel bar and have worked in a number of pubs in my youth, so from a young age was sober around drunk people partying. You will be overreacting because you were sober.

OneWittyLemonCat · 01/01/2025 08:40

Drinking AND dancing! Totally unacceptable behaviour from the husband. If you live in Kabul.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/01/2025 08:41

It happens to the best of us! Just take him a cuppa up and let it go. Enjoy your day together.

hopeishere · 01/01/2025 08:42

It's always more noticeable when you are sober and you then feel that your person is drunker than everyone else when they are not really.

Try and make more time to go out together this year.

JustMyView13 · 01/01/2025 08:43

Life’s too short!
All being well he should have a hangover. Get on with some NYD hoovering and call it quits.
I’m sure you’ve been annoyingly drunk before at some point in your life.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/01/2025 08:47

Bigblueelephant · 01/01/2025 06:42

It's a shame but unless he's got form for it, I wouldn't be angry. We all make mistakes and, like a pp said, he'll be paying for it today! All that said, a little gesture to make up for it wouldn't go amiss I don't think!

This. If he often does it then I'd be angry.

StScholastica · 01/01/2025 08:52

Oh come on OP.
He got drunk at a NYE party.
It's not the end of the world and it'll only impact on 2025 if you let it.
My family hardly drink at all but this wouldn't bother me in the slightest as a one off.
Make him a bacon butty and a mug of coffee and forgiveness.

WhatDaHell · 01/01/2025 08:53

If it's a one off, I would let it go. He'll be suffering today and perhaps the aspirin and coffee could go missing this morning 😉

Nogaxeh · 01/01/2025 08:54

I think ruined is a bit strong.

Talk to him about it and that you'd have preferred him to rein it in a bit so that you could have enjoyed yourself more and see how he responds.

Lyra87 · 01/01/2025 08:55

I don't think you're unreasonable necessarily for being annoyed, being the sober person around drinkers can be tough as it's hard to tolerate drunk people. I completely understand your night felt ruined when you don't go out often. However, it sounds like your husband didnt do anything awful and maybe you ruined your own night a bit by watching him too closely?
Personally I wouldn't say anything to him as I'm sure your husband's hangover will be punishment enough for him.

StScholastica · 01/01/2025 08:57

JapanOneDay · 01/01/2025 08:32

Exactly.

The husband was knocking into everyone and the OP felt responsible and left early. Unless he is 16, this is embarrassing behaviour. People’s responses here reflect the entrenchment of unhealthy attitudes to alcohol in British culture. Phrases like ‘fun sponge’ etc.

Show quote history

Steady now, one man gets drunk at NYE and you're slagging off "British culture".

YourAquaLion · 01/01/2025 09:00

I really feel for you, it’s so annoying being sober when others are blind drunk. If you rarely go out maybe he overdid it as he’s just not used to how much he can take anymore. I did that after kids! What about if you both schedule to go out on another evening/lunch where both of you can have a drink, something more sedate like a meal. This might make up for the disappointment of NY. It’s always a date with high expectations which can lead to more disappointment.

LadyKenya · 01/01/2025 09:01

WishinAndHopin · 01/01/2025 07:11

YANBU, there is no need for anyone to be rat arsed. (It’s not a “mistake”, he’s not a teenager). Binge drinking benefits nobody and doesn’t make anything more enjoyable.

This. I find the whole culture around alcohol to be quite sad. So many people (not teenagers who are still learning) are unable to moderate themselves around it.