Should she replace it? Part 2

[Langarg]

Starting the new thread ahead of hopefully having an update soon!

Take her to small claims court.

I would text her back, wish her a happy new year and agree that you want to put it behind you too as it's been stressful for you. Add a link to the QVC one and point out that it can be paid for in installments.

Give her a week then send her a notice of action in the post,in which you give notice that you will be starting a small claim against her. There are templates on line.

I think that as long as you have evidence that you lent it to her and that she lost it its pretty cut and dried that you'd win. She also has to pay your court costs and if she doesn't pay up she gets a CCJ on her credit rating.

I actually believe she lost it, but maybe I'm too trusting. Don't let her guilt trip you.

Hoping for a good outcome for you🤞

It's her word against yours, OP, so save her messages about it.
She'll probably claim that you never lent it to her.

Oh come on! The shine off her wedding!

You've literally just asked for your property back. She's made a big song and dance about the hotel "losing it" and tried to palm you off with a second hand replacement.

It could have literally been as simple as I'm sorry I left it at the hotel they claim it's not there. I'll get another one to replace it. Sorry.

That is of course if the Agatha Christie mystery is true.

If anyone's taken the shine off her wedding over this its her.

I'd suggest it's taken the shine off your friendship, but you would love to see it repaired by receiving a brand new replacement tomorrow.
Failing that, it would definitely be the small claims court and a WhatsApp message to said "friend" plus all the mutual friends containing a link to both these threads. No need for anyone else to get stung by her.

The question I would ask of the bride is, when did she realise it was missing? When you chased her for it or straight after the event? In fairness you have to accept that given it was her wedding, an appliance may not have been forefront in her mind. If she didn't realise until much later, then the chances of recovery are slim. If I was the bride, once I realised the error, I would have been in contact with the hotel straight away and as it is not a cheap item, I would have made a formal written complaint.

At this point, I would apologise, accept responsibility and acknowledge I owe you a replacement. I would explain I have no money at present (that's why I asked to borrow it in the first place) so would need to put it on my card or if you were willing to wait, I could pay over say two months. You have told her you need something now so she should have just got the replacement or confessed she does not have the line of credit. She should be actually taking responsibility and not guilt tripping you. It is an expensive lesson for her to learn but she is responsible for this and not you. This has only dragged on as she is not addressing it.

Text her back and say it sounds like she had a good New Year. Say that you were a good friend and when she asked you agreed to lend her an expensive item for her wedding and if she is a good friend back and either replaces with like for like or gives you the money now, then there is no issue. It is only an issue if she continues to avoid addressing it.

She is sulking and trying to guilt trip you into letting her off, don't accept it, stand your ground.

Yes, that’ll work!

I’d be as nice and conciliatory as I could be until it’s resolved (if it ever is) then just cut her dead and leave her permanently in 2024.

Following.

Oh I do hope she is reading. She’s a piss taker. Now trying to imply you’ve ruining her wedding after she did something shitty to you because she didn’t value you or your property and just saw it as something she was entitled to have. I wouldn’t be surprised if she kept it and just lied. She clearly didn’t give a toss that it cost you so much. Taken the shine off her wedding? It would take the shine off her as a friend for me and she’d be dumped once she’s replaced what she owes you. I’d be leaving her in 2024 too!

I think the people saying, play nice right now - are correct.

'Oh don't be silly. I do want a replacement for my Dyson or it returned. Of course I do, it was £500 and you'd feel the same. It's not a big deal though, just get it replaced/returned and we can move on.'

What I'd really want to say is ' well for me it's taken the shine of our friendship'

But I do think if you trip into a big fall out you won't get it back.

If you don't have it back by tomorrow- Friday you can safely assume you aren't getting it back. From there it depends on whether you want to go via small claims court, raise a police report etc etc. Or whether you just blast her with a message and tell her the friendship is over.

Even if she genuinely did lose it - i cannot believe she hasn't replaced it. Had she rung you crying with 'I'm so sorry I can't afford to replace it until XYZ date when I get paid but I absolutely will replace it'. You'd have been OK about it? Right?

She is entirely unreasonable and doesn't respect you. It's that simple. So far she hasn't given you any clear intention that she absolutely will buy you a new one if she can't find this one and that's the bone of contention.

“Sorry you feel like that, but at least you had nice hair.

Either way I need my styler returned or a luke for like replacement.

Happy New Year”

Op, you said she is a regular on mumsnet. Let's hope she doesn't see this, as she might panic and tell you that the hotel didn't have it, as she'll know we all realise that it's blatantly obvious that she's stolen it.

I hope she does see it

Public shaming is very effective

Texting back and forth though could drag this on for ages. People are rarely as brazen in real life..I think you need to see her in person.

I wonder if this might play out with her getting a really skanky, beaten up, on-its-last-legs old one that she's got from a charity shop or jumble sale or something for £20 - without admitting that they've got a cheapo replacement.

The story might be that she was so diligent in following this up for you, because she knows how important it is to you (although she oddly didn't think about this before, which carelessness caused this whole charade in the first place) and she did go all the way back to the hotel (it actually cost £X in petrol money, so you could maybe consider being a good friend and paying/contributing to that - as it was after all a big 'favour' that they did for you).

Unfortunately, although the low-down dirty thieving chambermaid who brazenly stole it was eventually caught and sacked, she'd clearly already used it very heavily and abused it - meaning that this grubby, old, trashed, burnt-out husk of a thing IS actually the remains of your original lovely one.

Isn't it a tiny bit disappointing for you; but at least you finally did get it back, thanks to her amazing, valiant efforts and determination to help you sort your problem.

So glad it was all happily resolved in the end; hey, don't mention it and don't feel the need to thank her - what are great mates for, eh?!

I agree with previous posters to play as nice as possible until you get it back.

Her drunk message is a win-win for her, there are three possible responses, all in her benefit:

1. Ideally, she wants you to be guilt-tripped enough to write it off entirely.

2. But if she provokes you into a harsh response it will justify in her mind that she’s a victim and you’re not a true friend. Therefore she doesn’t have to bother giving it back. She’ll cut you off.

3. If she gets something in between, she’ll still benefit from seeing where you stand which will give her info on how to play it.

Therefore you should pick option 3 - still be clear you expect it back, in the kindest, gentlest language possible. There’s some good suggestions up thread. This will prevent her cutting you off, and maximise the chances of getting your airwrap back.

However, do not accept her buying you a new one - she’ll get you a fake, broken or 2nd hand. You need her to give you the money. It’s great that it’s only £399 at the moment because this will encourage her to cut her losses.

I also wouldn’t trust her to get it back from the hotel - since she’s probably lying and either stole or sold it, again you risk her cheaping out and getting you a substandard copy rather than your own dryer.

You could easily check with the hotel or look online to see if they have carpets the same colour blue as the box. You could also phone them up to check their lost property policy she she can’t claim they’ve chucked it away.

Also as PPs have said, definitely save all your messages as evidence.

This is exactly what she’s going to do. This is why OP needs the money rather than trusting her to buy a replacement.

No need for any stories/excuses. Have you got the item (at home/from hotel) Yes/No?

If Yes can you return it asap or will collect
If No are you going to refund/replace the item?

It really is that simple.

OP have uou contacted the hotel yet?
Don't leave it any longer.

Did you go to the wedding? If not I wonder if it even was a small affair or whether she actually had a full wedding and didn't invite you.

In fairness you have to accept that given it was her wedding, an appliance may not have been forefront in her mind.

There's a big difference between not mentally dwelling on all of the little details during the actual wedding, and then having a simple checklist and/or making sure everything is dealt with at the end, before you leave.

When she asked to borrow an expensive piece of equipment, she made it her business to ensure its safe return. If that was too much of a commitment for her, it's not like OP was insisting on her borrowing it.

I wonder how many of their own valuable possessions and new wedding presents they were too busy to remember and just carelessly left behind in the grand excitement and wanton abandon of having just got married?

Yeah, this

She said just 2 witnesses.

Tell her it's taken the shine off your friendship and if she wants that back she needs to buy you another one.