For being nervous about dating a someone in police ?

[Lou9453]

I am in the early stages of dating someone in the police. They were adopted and exposed to abuse. Iv woken up today feeling anxious , we haven’t met yet but knowing he has seen lot in personal and work life, I don’t know if that’s going to mean a hell of a rollercoaster dating wise. He’s never introduced anyone to his mum and keeps it quiet from friends, not been on holiday with gf or had anything long term. I don’t judge but I feel bit uncertain ?

No police, no bankers was always my dating policy.
The bankers rule was broken at times.

I definitely wouldn’t date someone with his past history though.

DH is ex-police.
He's decent & kind hearted & all his colleagues I met were also decent, honest people although there are definitely quirky types in every team.

Some of his work did make him anxious when DC were small - I think it makes you realize how vulnerable we are to bad people & how many bad people there are out there.

He worked in response & then in neighborhood policing investigation teams which aren't the worst but the shift pattern in response was brutal & forced overtime, cancelled holidays etc.

Just a heads up though that alot of people claiming to be police online aren't & most police I know don't put it in their dating profile or date other police. Take it with a pinch of salt until you meet him.

Just my opinion, but in my opinion, there’s enough of ~that~ kind of “the police”’within that big homogenous group you describe to have made them pretty unappealing to the public they’re meant to protect.

It must be frustrating for you and others like you but the problem is with the other colleagues of yours not with people lumping them all together. As a good police officer the onus is on you to set aside that defensiveness and not get frustrated with an entirely natural reaction from people imo.

Police are generally alcoholic and wife beaters. Run....

I’d date Stewart Copeland but not Sting.

I wouldn’t have dated an estate agent.

I know two young officers, really nice lads, both sons of friends of mine, they don’t know each other and are in different forces.

Anyone doing shift work must have a struggle with their personal life, that’s to consider. It’s really his oversharing though that’s the main issue.

Can you quote your source for this information please.

@Marchweshall
You can just google this . I just did and this one was top of my search page. The whole first page was police officers.

You aren't in the early dating stages. You are messaging someone who claims a lot of stuff that you don't know if it's true or not.
It's probably all bs.

His supposed career is not the issue here. He is.
You have noticed red flags so throw him back

I can Google too:

The claim that "40% of cops beat their wives" is often cited in discussions about domestic violence and law enforcement, but its origins are not well-documented, and it's important to note that it may not accurately represent the behavior of all police officers. This statistic may be based on various studies and reports conducted over the years, but it's crucial to consider the following points:
Lack of a Single Source: The statistic doesn't have a single, widely recognized source or study associated with it. It has been referenced in various contexts, but the specific study or studies it is based on are not always cited.
Variability in Studies: Research on domestic violence among police officers has produced varying results. Some studies have suggested higher rates of domestic violence within law enforcement families, while others have found rates similar to or lower than those in the general population.
Data Reliability: Research on sensitive topics like domestic violence can be challenging due to issues of underreporting, non-disclosure, and the difficulty of collecting accurate data. The reliability of the data can be affected by factors such as the willingness of individuals to disclose their experiences.
Timeframe: The statistic, if based on any particular study, may reflect data from a specific time period or region. Rates of domestic violence can change over time and may vary by location.
Need for Current Research: It's essential to rely on the most recent and well-conducted research when discussing statistics related to domestic violence among any group, including police officers. Newer studies may provide more accurate and up-to-date information.
To gain a better understanding of the prevalence of domestic violence among police officers, it's important to consult reliable and recent research on the topic. Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects individuals across various professions and backgrounds, and addressing it requires a comprehensive and evidence-based approach.

@arethereanyleftatall
Could you confirm that the 40 % you reference was found in a study of British police officers.

The specific stats I quoted do come from America as we don't have similar statistics here but this is one article -
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2015/9/10/1420117/-Police-officers-have-a-rate-of-domestic-violence-at-least-300-higher-than-active-players-in-the-NFL

There are also many many articles that discuss the state of violence in the UK. It's a problem because women won't report it particularly if they are in police because they know there's no point - can confirm from personal experience.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/police-perpetrated-domestic-abuse-victims-b2614374.html

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/police-super-complaints-force-response-to-police-perpetrated-domestic-abuse/police-perpetrated-domestic-abuse-report-on-the-centre-for-womens-justice-super-complaint#our-conclusion

That’s in America.

Now worried about my daughter who wants to join the police 😳

A couple of family members are in the police force. They are good men and good husbands. However there are some dodgy blokes, the police rate of marital abuse is twice the national average.

Clearly there are good and bad in every profession.

I do wonder how much ' over sharing ' the Op has done too, to someone she hasn't even met !

For all we and she knows this could be a 13 year old kid sat at home messing around !

This is the danger of 'Just Googling'

A supposedly telling statistic is thrown into a discussion that shocks and changes people's opinions but it turns out to be used incorrectly and innocent officers will be tarred with the same brush as awful ones

Let's be honest Mumsneters a shit at proper discussions.

He has a policy of not saying much to his friends but has disclosed his occupation and a history of abuse to you? He’s shared a huge amount of personal information with a complete stranger and this alone would make me worry, even without having concerns about the job (and those concerns are significant).

I think the main problem with dating someone in the police is likely to be their unsociable work shift pattern. Anything else is about that person's personality, previous life and trauma. Nothing to do with them being in the police!

I grew up in a police family and yes tbh, there does appear to be more than the fair share of mentalists (what do they say? Become a criminal or a cop?)

I've also never known so much adultery, which is why they all seem to end up married to each other 😱

NAPO of course

Why are you quoting American statistics that have no relevance in the uk.

Don’t be afraid. It’s a great worthwhile job and there are many many decent men in the job. There are good and bad across every profession.

OP, you are being extremely OTT and analytical!
You haven't even met him

Do you often wake up feeling anxious? If not, it’s your instinct trying to tell you to stay away. Listen to it, it’s never wrong.

The first article referred to American statistics but the other two were about the UK.