For being nervous about dating a someone in police ?

[Lou9453]

I am in the early stages of dating someone in the police. They were adopted and exposed to abuse. Iv woken up today feeling anxious , we haven’t met yet but knowing he has seen lot in personal and work life, I don’t know if that’s going to mean a hell of a rollercoaster dating wise. He’s never introduced anyone to his mum and keeps it quiet from friends, not been on holiday with gf or had anything long term. I don’t judge but I feel bit uncertain ?

No, I absolutely would not date a police officer.

His over sharing about his past is an even bigger issue though.

I would throw this one back.

my concern is the over sharing to be honest not the career choice

I think it is hard to generalise about any profession. I would, however, question why he is oversharing so massively at such an early stage.

I'd never go near a man working in the police force or military.

I've known multiple men in these professions and all have ended up being troubled/violent/aggressive/misogynistic in one way or another.

I am sure not all police officers are bad people but they are 3x more than any other occupation in the UK to be perpetrators of domestic abuse. Given that and some of the other things you've mentioned I would perhaps not continue.

There are obviously good and bad people in all professions. But police officers were #1 on a recent-ish thread of professions MNers wouldn’t date. I know one police officer, lovely person and in the profession for all the right reasons but absolutely broken by the suicides and violence he’s witnessed.

A police officer who has been abused in childhood and shared this before even meeting is someone I’d avoid

What would worry me is that if he has had a really bad childhood and then joined the police, he might not be good at relationships. His mother would be a huge red flag, too.

I think I'd back out, tbh.

How patronising

You haven't met this guy and don't know him from Adam, he could be a party clown playing cops on the apps, a married man looking for sex/attention or a scammer stringing you along, yet here you are panicking about an 'avatar', and a story/person you have no idea is real or not.

Please take a step back from the dating apps, you sound very naive OP.

I’m genuinely so shocked at the police officer hate. I’ve not felt this in rl like on MN

Married to a lovely police officer. Does the job to help and protect and puts up with a lot for v little pay. How are they all being put in one big ‘group hatred’ and how are they supposed to break away from that stigma?

There's a lot to agree with, here. People tend to lay their stall out for a reason. Will you not expect to meet people or alternatively will you be fast tracked to meeting them because there's never been anyone like you, in a lovebomby kind of way.

Whichever it is, it feels like this guy and his issues will not be a fun, easy date for you. And you have a child to consider, right? I'd not engage.

Trust your instincts, if something doesn’t feel right then it probably isn’t.

Regarding being a Police officer, I am shocked at the sweeping statements and generalisation. I have been with an officer for 17 years. He is the most laid back, honest, kindest man I’ve met. He is the most amazing father and is the calmness in our relationship.
The abuse he receives from the public is outrageous and I don’t know another profession where you put your life on the line, just to receive constant abuse.

I've been married to a police officer for 20 years, he is the best person on this planet!

I wouldn't go near anyone in the armed forces, construction workers, warehouse workers, bankers, politicians, plumbers or electricians. Misogynists, the lot of them! Worst men I've ever met worked in these fields, wouldn't touch a brickie in a month of Sundays they're all on the cheat and are well known to be domestically abusive. Men in the financial industry are usually financially abusive, too much caring about money and not their wife/partner.

I mean you are judging him, you cant say aren't. You are perfectly entitled to of course.

Does come across a bit that you are looking at his past and seeing him as "damaged goods" which isnt a particularly nice thing to do to someone.

Is the same as all male teachers are paedophiles? I see a lot of this in my line of work, however would never generalise like you have.

Yeah that's because he was awful person, not because he was a police officer...

You didn't date the entire force. It's not normal to strike off a whole career that includes hundreds of thousands of men as prospective partners because you knew a bad one.

It sounds like he's setting you up to accept being kept out of his real life ( no meeting his friends and family ) and only seeing him occasionally ( working wack shifts fighting crime ) l'd give him a miss - he sounds dodgy as fuck.

It's more the shifts, the after work drinking culture and them fucking their colleagues that you should be anxious about

Chatting to a randomer on the internet who shares so much personal stuff is not normal.

Chat should involve what you're both looking for (ONS/long term) their likes and dislikes and to work out if you fancy meeting them.

Anything much deeper is a huge red flag!

Don't waste anymore time on him OP. Delete and move on.

Also the fact they you originally said you are "early dating" suggests that you may be new to OLD.

Just remember a lot of these people are not who they say they are.

Sounds like he was, though.

I wouldn't mind dating within the police, but that just sounds like a load of baggage I couldn't be bothered to deal with...

I would never date a cop. Not a chance.

I'm married to a lovely copper - been together 20 + years. I knew when I met him his intention of joining and it didn't put off. I sometimes have to actively avoid telling people what he does until I am sure of them because of the ACAB mentality that's rife on the UK at the minute.

His potential job obviously bothers you so maybe cut your losses.

Of course I do, and so does my daughter every time he goes to work. At the moment he loves his job. What would you recommend? He leaves for something 'safer' - teaching perhaps ?

block him! Pay for a premium dating service not pof it's rank and go out and have a good time tonight.