Should I ignore this text

[Mulberrytree20]

Please tell me if iabu and a bit cold.

Split from ex 2 month ago. Felt like it weren't working. Felt she wasn't nice to me, constant digs. Her DC caused drama i Felt and I did not like her ex parented her. Dc came across very spoilt and entitled (she's now a young teenager). Felt like me and my DC never came first and it was always what she and her DC wanted first.
Me and ex have been messaged a little but not much. Tbh I felt so relieved and happier after I left. Ex wanted me back. I met up with her a few days ago to give belongings back, we had a brief chat about our Christmases.
I received a text late last night saying she's had to sit with her DC because she's inconsolable that we are no longer together. Ex said she feels we have let our children down and wondered if I could speak to her DC to let her know I'm around if she needs me.
No offence but most of our arguments were because of her DC behaviour. I'm quite happy with the way my life is now. I feel like ex is trying to emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad (nothing new there)
Aibu to just ignore this text?

"I still am a nice person and I'm doing what I think is best. To help everyone move on I'm going to block you now but I wish you and your DD the best for the future". End of.

OP it's not cold or unsympathetic to want to protect yourself and your child from a narcissist.
If anything, you have been TOO sympathetic, and it's prevented you from making the hard break you need to make.
Disengage, block her. She knows which buttons to press, so don't give her the chance to do it again

She still has a grip on you, doesn’t she? It’s scary how good these people are at manipulating their victims. I know because I’ve been there.

You will only ever get free and stop the drama if you stop all contact. Block her on every platform.

If you see her child at your work then just be polite but unemotional.

If you think it might cause problems at work then have a quiet pre-emptive chat with your line manager to see if anything can be put in place to prevent this.

Have a look at the Freedom Program and see if that rings some bells.

Block now. Nothing you send will help this situation or make things better. Every message you send is just a further opportunity for her to manipulate you.

Apologies. I assumed you lived together. If you didn’t then it’s different, though I guess it depends on how much time they spent together.

I agree no one should tolerate unacceptable behaviour. If a child is behaving badly to another child, it’s best to speak to their parent about it at the time in a kind and mature way, while setting a boundary.

I’m not keen on viewing emotional behaviour as ‘drama’. We all have different ways of behaving. Expressing emotion in a healthy way is better than bottling it up. But if it’s persistent, rather than occasional, and affecting others, it shouldn’t be ‘given in’ to: it should be maturely discussed and reasonable adjustments made. Avoidant, silent treatment behaviour can also be viewed as dramatic.

I hope you can all work out a solution that works for you all. Best of luck.

@Mulberrytree20 I don't know if you are a man or a woman, but I'd give this woman and her daughter a wide swerve.

All too often dysfunctional drama lamas shape their daughters into dramatic, screechy carbon copies of themselves.

Quietly move on and away, your son will probably breathe a long sigh of relief.

This is a really good message, except for the 'blocking' part. She'll likely get angry with the threat and it will make her feel it's entirely unjustified within the context of what she's saying and that's how she'll portray to everyone etc etc. Really angry people do really stupid things like turn up at people's houses, send messages via other platforms etc.

Other than that though the message is spot on. I'd probably end saying, to help everyone move on it's best to stop contact. I wish you and your DD the very best for the future but please don't contact me again. We all need to move on now.

Give her 24hrs to respond and have her say - like 'ok I'm sorry it ended this way, same for you and your DC etc' (best case scenario) or send her last message of abuse. 'You're a piece of xyz blah blah blah' (more likely).

Either way I'd just let her have the last word - whatever that might be.

Don't reply. Then after 24hrs block.

Let her have the last word - it's a much easier way to get on with your life. Silence is golden and all that.

Yea i guess so. Thanks i have already done the freedom programme plus read lots of books and had counselling. I felt I was stronger in this relationship however I didn't leave when I should have done because this time I felt guilt that I was breaking my DS away from them. Turns out that I didn't need to worry about that and it was ex just getting in my head and making me feel bad

I am a woman and yes I can't believe I couldn't see before that DD behaviour was created and enabled from her mum sooner. Ex was so subtle with the manipulative behaviour

Sorry but I really don’t agree with this. When you enter a relationship with someone with children -and four years is a long time - there does become an element of responsibility for the child. Is there no chance that the child thing is true? I agree that you don’t owe your ex anything if she is not kind, but the kids should matter . It’s so confusing for children to have people who were a big part of their lives suddenly gone. Also if the daughter has picked up on any of this being her fault it might be nice to drop her a note. She’s just a child and might be feeling really insecure whilst it her mum’s job to make her feel better, you have still been an adult in her life presumably at her house , on holidays together etc. she had to accept you into her life and now deal with you going, that’s a lot .

I stand by my comment.

Tbh I think it would be cruel, to promise a child you've no rights or links to you'll be there when you won't.

Her DC may miss the security of the household but she will get over it and if you make promises to this kid it'll just be worse for when you or your partner meet someone new.

I'd either ignore it or explain why it would be unfair on the kid and give a firm no.

Congratulations on your new life

@ueberlin2030 yeah fair enough. Just giving my perspective.

You didn't have to quote me to do that though. Anyway......

Nah don't worry about it, especially if most of the arguments and drama were caused by the child, I know the feeling and I just changed my number, job done and have learnt my lesson which is don't date single mothers.

I am a single mother myself lol

All very well unless you are still single at 35 and most of the dating pool now have at least one child, men and women.

As a woman with no kids even I can't avoid a man who has kids, it makes the dating pool way to small. Why do that? Some a great parents with lovely kids and could make great partners. Too many folk want some idealised partner, to be adult is to compromise for the things you want in life.

In the OPs case she clearly needed to get out and stay away from her ex for her childs and her own sake. I hope it's goes well OP.

It’s been over for two months and you and your dc feel happier.
So you know for sure you made the right decision to end it. You did well to remove you both from what sounds like bullying/bossy behaviour.

If you feel this is an attempt by your ex to draw you back in or to control you, then it is neither cold nor unreasonable to continue to self-protect and prioritise your own little family unit. You are under no obligation to parent your ex’s dc. Sounds like a clean break is best for you.

If you weren’t actually living together then the trauma of your break up shouldn’t be too profound, as indeed you have realised with your own dc.

Either ignore and don’t respond or text back…….
Sorry no, that won’t be happening as I don’t agree that would be helpful to the children in the long term at all. Our relationship is over and it’s best to reflect that clearly to them in order to avoid unnecessary confusion. Wishing you both the best for the future.

Maybe text back and say sadly you’re having massive money problems at the moment and you’re so sorry to ask but you desperately need to borrow a big sum of money. I’d guess you won’t hear from her ever again. Problem solved.

This

😂😂 I don't think it would. She offered to pay for a huge holiday to keep me entrapped in the relationship just before we broke up. I obviously declined

Lol seriously??