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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I ignore this text

121 replies

Mulberrytree20 · 31/12/2024 07:04

Please tell me if iabu and a bit cold.

Split from ex 2 month ago. Felt like it weren't working. Felt she wasn't nice to me, constant digs. Her DC caused drama i Felt and I did not like her ex parented her. Dc came across very spoilt and entitled (she's now a young teenager). Felt like me and my DC never came first and it was always what she and her DC wanted first.
Me and ex have been messaged a little but not much. Tbh I felt so relieved and happier after I left. Ex wanted me back. I met up with her a few days ago to give belongings back, we had a brief chat about our Christmases.
I received a text late last night saying she's had to sit with her DC because she's inconsolable that we are no longer together. Ex said she feels we have let our children down and wondered if I could speak to her DC to let her know I'm around if she needs me.
No offence but most of our arguments were because of her DC behaviour. I'm quite happy with the way my life is now. I feel like ex is trying to emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad (nothing new there)
Aibu to just ignore this text?

OP posts:
focuspocus · 31/12/2024 17:30

As a pp said above a clean break is probably best to avoid emotional manipulation. You can say you feel a clean break is better and kinder to the DC.

Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 31/12/2024 18:16

focuspocus · 31/12/2024 17:30

As a pp said above a clean break is probably best to avoid emotional manipulation. You can say you feel a clean break is better and kinder to the DC.

I agree. She has made me feel bad because her DD is probably upset but like someone else said its better to be apart and happier than together and not happy

OP posts:
OliveLeader · 31/12/2024 18:23

YANBU. Any response is just going to suck you in to more drama and your ex is being manipulative. She shouldn’t be using her kid to try and keep lines of contact open with you, it’s not fair on you or her child.

Crazycatlady79 · 31/12/2024 18:25

I would just block and move on.

Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 02/01/2025 08:41

I didn't block her but made it clear not to see each other anymore. I've just had a message saying she thinks I should take her DD out with my DC for a milkshake so they can be together. I was trying to be firm but nice but looks like I will need to block her now

OP posts:
MzHz · 04/01/2025 07:55

Yup, block her. She’s be bff ridiculous and trying to suck you back in by using the kids and her misguided sense that she can manipulate you with her kid.

pitiful. Just block, you’ve said your piece, nothing more needed

Christmassoxs · 04/01/2025 08:28

Only needed to read OP 1st post. Ignore the text, Doesn't need any interaction or drama with her. She's inconsolable? FFS, she seems to have the blame most of this shit in your former relationship.
Lucky escape OP, let her haunt someone else, you can do so much better.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 04/01/2025 08:30

Mulberrytree20 · 02/01/2025 08:41

I didn't block her but made it clear not to see each other anymore. I've just had a message saying she thinks I should take her DD out with my DC for a milkshake so they can be together. I was trying to be firm but nice but looks like I will need to block her now

Someone’s looking for some childcare 🙄.

The fact of the matter is you are no longer there for the daughter and so there’s no point pretending otherwise.

Had a friend in a similar situation who attempted to help keep the kids in touch and facilitate his child seeing his former girlfriend. It just drags out a very messy situation and it got the ex girlfriend’s hopes up that they might get back together. A clean break is more painful at the time but definitely for the best.

”Sorry, Katie, that’s not going to happen. You need to let this go now.”

She’s trying to find a reason to make you a villain in her head to support her narrative, so she and her children can be the victim.

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 08:35

I hate when people ignore because it seems a bit mean but in this situation I think she’s trying hard to get her dd involved so you two can get back together.
Did you reply to her last message?

artohmyletmehelp · 04/01/2025 09:08

Mulberrytree20 · 31/12/2024 07:04

Please tell me if iabu and a bit cold.

Split from ex 2 month ago. Felt like it weren't working. Felt she wasn't nice to me, constant digs. Her DC caused drama i Felt and I did not like her ex parented her. Dc came across very spoilt and entitled (she's now a young teenager). Felt like me and my DC never came first and it was always what she and her DC wanted first.
Me and ex have been messaged a little but not much. Tbh I felt so relieved and happier after I left. Ex wanted me back. I met up with her a few days ago to give belongings back, we had a brief chat about our Christmases.
I received a text late last night saying she's had to sit with her DC because she's inconsolable that we are no longer together. Ex said she feels we have let our children down and wondered if I could speak to her DC to let her know I'm around if she needs me.
No offence but most of our arguments were because of her DC behaviour. I'm quite happy with the way my life is now. I feel like ex is trying to emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad (nothing new there)
Aibu to just ignore this text?

Sounds like that's what you want. Stay true to you...

September1013 · 04/01/2025 09:22

This all sounds like very manipulative behaviour. Giving any response just keeps the door open to further attempts. Narcissistic people are best blocked and ignored.

Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 09:26

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 08:35

I hate when people ignore because it seems a bit mean but in this situation I think she’s trying hard to get her dd involved so you two can get back together.
Did you reply to her last message?

Well I replied that I'll speak to my DC as she was making it all about her child and what she wanted (which was common when I was with her). I spoke to my DC and he doesn't actually want to see her DD. Said she always wants to play her games and tricks him into playing hers and saying we can play yours but never does. Now I feel guilty, I didn't realise he didn't like being with her DD

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 04/01/2025 09:30

Mulberrytree20 · 02/01/2025 08:41

I didn't block her but made it clear not to see each other anymore. I've just had a message saying she thinks I should take her DD out with my DC for a milkshake so they can be together. I was trying to be firm but nice but looks like I will need to block her now

She really is a trier..
She's also has no right telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Curtainqueen · 04/01/2025 09:30

Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 09:26

Well I replied that I'll speak to my DC as she was making it all about her child and what she wanted (which was common when I was with her). I spoke to my DC and he doesn't actually want to see her DD. Said she always wants to play her games and tricks him into playing hers and saying we can play yours but never does. Now I feel guilty, I didn't realise he didn't like being with her DD

Show quote history

So now you have your answer. Focus on your own child. Tell her she needs to stop contacting you and move on, then block her. Problem solved. Glad to be of help 😉

Tikityboo · 04/01/2025 09:30

Mulberrytree20 · 02/01/2025 08:41

I didn't block her but made it clear not to see each other anymore. I've just had a message saying she thinks I should take her DD out with my DC for a milkshake so they can be together. I was trying to be firm but nice but looks like I will need to block her now

This is her upping the ante -- how dare she now try to involve YOUR own young DC in her emotional manipulation and drama.

I suspect that your own child has been somewhat negatively affected over the past 4 years by you being preoccupied and unsettled by this dysfunctional relationship and toxic family set up.

Well done for getting yourself out of it but turn your back and focus on your DC now.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 04/01/2025 09:30

It would be kinder to the child to cut ties now. Poor girl though, it must have been hard for her and perhaps she feels to blame for the breakup.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 04/01/2025 09:34

Don't fall for it. She's using her child as an 'in'.

Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 09:41

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 04/01/2025 09:34

Don't fall for it. She's using her child as an 'in'.

Yes this is very much her style and I feel for her DC because no wonder she has turned out the way she is. She is manipulative like her mum. I just wish I could have seen it earlier and feel awful on my DC. I feel like I don't even want to mix families again

OP posts:
Tikityboo · 04/01/2025 09:53

Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 09:41

Yes this is very much her style and I feel for her DC because no wonder she has turned out the way she is. She is manipulative like her mum. I just wish I could have seen it earlier and feel awful on my DC. I feel like I don't even want to mix families again

Show quote history

I feel like I don't even want to mix families again

Your gut is correct. Dont immerse your own DC with these people ever again.

Pleasantree · 04/01/2025 10:08

It’s emotional blackmail.

My suggestion is that you redirect her to her parents or GP for help.

Desr X, reading your message, you don’t sound like you are doing ok. Please talk to your parents, or GP, I’m not the person that can help you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/01/2025 10:12

Jeeze one last message and block to mayeb ypu like the drama too?
If not time to have a fresh break . It’s doing nobody any favours.

You have ended it , you and your dc are happier .
You know what she and her ex are like so move on .

Tahlbias · 04/01/2025 10:12

As others have said, she is definitely using her DC to make you feel bad. I would block and move on.

Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 10:14

Imbusytodaysorry · 04/01/2025 10:12

Jeeze one last message and block to mayeb ypu like the drama too?
If not time to have a fresh break . It’s doing nobody any favours.

You have ended it , you and your dc are happier .
You know what she and her ex are like so move on .

I don't like the drama hence why I walked away

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 10:18

I've just sent a message to her as she text again asking if we can meet up with her DD. So I've said I've spoken to my DC and made the decision that I don't think it's best to meet up and that I'm not saying this to be horrible but I think it's best for us

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulberrytree20 · 04/01/2025 10:20

I don't know why but even now I feel anxious sending that message

OP posts: