to bail on NYE plans?

[clotheshorsess]

I made plans today with friends for NYE. They had loose plans to just hang out at a friend's flat. I was very enthusiastic. I agreed to make brownies and spinach dip.
I now don't feel like going. Is it horrible to just make up a random excuse and not go? I already made the food and I was thinking of dropping it off early tomorrow for the group. There will be 9 other people there if I do not go.

Well I mean she knows I have a baby obviously. I didn’t use the baby as an excuse, hence not mentioning in first comment.
friends cancel on each other sometimes, normalise saying “I’m not feeling it anymore” rather than making up some crap lie. she will still have a house full without me there.

@Ginnnny

The thing is you can try to normalise anything you want with your friends. As long as you don’t expect them to go along with it if they don’t want to. If someone kept making plans with me and then cancelling saying they weren’t feeling it anymore I would just stop seeing them.

You said in later posts that you ARE exhausted from the new baby so is that the reason or not? If it’s the actual reason, then it’s not an excuse.

Like I said. People can behave towards others however they want, as long as they don’t complain when people behave how they want back.

You choose to normalise saying you can’t be arsed anymore.

I choose to cut out anyone who can’t be arsed seeing me.

Edited to add what I was replying to as the quote button didn’t seem to work!

Wow you are incredibly selfish with zero self awareness. No wonder your friend just gave you the thumbs up. She probably bought some food that can't be frozen or reused and frankly why should she do that anyway. She wanted to eat it tonight with you but you decided to let her down. I hope your quiet night in was worth when you have probably lost a friend over it.

It would be interesting to see if there's any correlation between the replies saying yes to "should I just treat my friends like crap because I'm feeling a bit lazy?" and posts about not feeling you really have any friends and trying to get to the bottom of it.

Everything that enriches a life takes a bit of effort, you tend to get out what you put in, particularly friendships.

Anyone posting for reassurance that it's fine to be flaky has clearly never hosted or organised anything. The person hosting will be currently cleaning, preparing food and drinks and looking forward to seeing you. This is because they care and like you, don't throw it back in their face.

I wouldn't go either! My fb groups are full of people trying to sell their NyE tickets. The weather is awful, there are 9 other people going , and you're still dropping off the food. Stay at home.

There's everything wrong with being flaky 😒

Get in the shower, get yourself ready, you'll feel much better. I would go for sure, but don't stay late? Just enjoy the food, have a few cups of tea, have a laugh and a chat then leave them to it. You won't regret it.

I’m sure the other people going will enjoy any food that can’t be frozen!

I'm going to take a slightly different view than the majority of the PP's here.

If you don't feel up to it, don't go. This isn't about "do whatever makes you happy and sod anyone else," but I sure as shit wouldn't want someone attending something I was hosting who was sitting there, clock watching for an appropriate time to leave.

Of course, if this is a habit of yours, you may lose friends over it or those friends may become reluctant to make future plans with you. This is a consequence of prioritising yourself, and if it's one that you're happy to risk, then do it.

It does sound like from your nostalgia comment that this is a group of friends that you were once close to and are now less close to but maybe trying to stick together for the nostalgia? Am I reading that right? So, is it a case of you accepting that these friendships have maybe already ran their course and you're ready to move on? Is that one of the reasons you feel less enthused about spending the night with them? Do you think if you go to the NYE party there's a chance that these friendships could be reinvigorated and is that something you may want? If so, I think you should go and see what happens. If not, then, well, there's your answer.

And no one has a magic ball that we can see into the future and see what mood we will all be in on NYE and know if we should make plans or not based on how we feel. Sometimes, you make plans when you feel up to it and you talk yourself into it and then when it rolls around, you realise that you're just not up to it.

You could force yourself to go and you may enjoy it, OP. However, if you think you're just going to be clock watching for the best time to leave, I wouldn't bother. I wouldn't want to be a host of a party where people, even one guest, was sat, waiting to announce their exit.

Yes, they will say ‘oh sure that’s absolutely fine, I hope you feel better soon / have a good night!’

But then they will feel like crap, be secretly fucked off with you and sooner or later not invite you again as they won’t want to be rejected.

Then they'll wonder why their friends don't invite them any more. And if they have a little family they'll find support outside that will dry up when they demonstrate how ill mannered, self centred and unreliable they are. Of course they might go on to let their own kids pull out of birthday parties because they get a better offer, and wonder why their children aren't invited any more.

Just warching Village People perfoeming YMCA, could see Dave in that!

@Ginnnny

presumably though you haven’t committed yourself to going out tonight though in the way OP has ?

@Ginnnny

can you not stay home any old night with your “little family” though?

I’d say your mate is pretty pissed off with you with that thumbs up 👍

Life is too short to people please and be in situations you don’t want to be in.

It’s not “people pleasing” to stick to something you already committed to.

Exactly....and especially if the host has prepared and catered for you.

The action needs to be taken at invitation - if on the spot and embarasseed to say No - say not sure will just need to check diary and then decline within 24hrs of invite if you have no intention of going.

But if you take up the offer its highly ignorant and insulting to the host / other guests if its a group thing to bail.

Know that.

If you are happy to be known as bad mannered, ignorant etc crack on.

If you wish to be socially appropriate and maintain and nourish friendships dont bail.