How do I cope with this!?

Rainbowdottie · 30/12/2024 19:30

I guess when you're "free", you're free to do whatever with whomever.

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:31

Rainbowdottie · 30/12/2024 19:30

I guess when you're "free", you're free to do whatever with whomever.

I just wish he would have spoke to me about it

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MumChp · 30/12/2024 19:33

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:31

I just wish he would have spoke to me about it

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Yes. It would be nice but you need to accept that he won't. Sorry.

MissDoubleU · 30/12/2024 19:33

It sounds like you did the correct thing in ending it. I know this will hurt, but try and ground yourself in that.

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:35

MissDoubleU · 30/12/2024 19:33

It sounds like you did the correct thing in ending it. I know this will hurt, but try and ground yourself in that.

I flew off the handle initially and asked him to bring them home. I later apologised it was just such a shock.

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StMarie4me · 30/12/2024 19:43

Well my husband left me (out of the blue) one day and had the kids in the car with OW within 3 days! Eldest screamed and ran away.

You have ended the marriage and cannot control what he does as their Dad. He doesn't have to ask you if he has equal parental responsibility. So you'll just need to learn to cope.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

Jennyathemall · 30/12/2024 19:44

StMarie4me · 30/12/2024 19:43

Well my husband left me (out of the blue) one day and had the kids in the car with OW within 3 days! Eldest screamed and ran away.

You have ended the marriage and cannot control what he does as their Dad. He doesn't have to ask you if he has equal parental responsibility. So you'll just need to learn to cope.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

This

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:45

StMarie4me · 30/12/2024 19:43

Well my husband left me (out of the blue) one day and had the kids in the car with OW within 3 days! Eldest screamed and ran away.

You have ended the marriage and cannot control what he does as their Dad. He doesn't have to ask you if he has equal parental responsibility. So you'll just need to learn to cope.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

How did you cope with this?

OP posts:

Comedycook · 30/12/2024 19:46

What's upset you op? The fact he has a new woman or the fact she has now met your DC?

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:46

Comedycook · 30/12/2024 19:46

What's upset you op? The fact he has a new woman or the fact she has now met your DC?

Both I think. So soon?

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Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:53

Although I was angry initially. I feel like I can breathe again

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Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 20:13

I have been torturing myself, wondering I made the right decision. I think this just confirms I did

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SpicyMarge · 30/12/2024 20:22

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:31

I just wish he would have spoke to me about it

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For what reason?

Do you think he should have asked your permission?

Ultimately, he’s a free agent and can do what he wants. Surely your decision to end the marriage came with the realisation that you could no longer have any say in his life?

I do feel sorry for the kids though.

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 20:23

SpicyMarge · 30/12/2024 20:22

For what reason?

Do you think he should have asked your permission?

Ultimately, he’s a free agent and can do what he wants. Surely your decision to end the marriage came with the realisation that you could no longer have any say in his life?

I do feel sorry for the kids though.

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Yes me too. I can’t do anything about it though

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Kelwar · 30/12/2024 20:32

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:26

So I decided to end my marriage about 4 months ago and I got a call today to tell me he has took them on a day out with another woman. How can you possibly go from a long term relationship and then go into another one straight away!

Personally, I’d be as pissed off as you are. Doesn’t matter that you ended the marriage.. it was only 4 months ago and only a really serious new partner should be meeting your children. Is he seriously thinking this new woman is going to last? Unless she’s been around for longer that 4 months than I would hazard a guess that this is a new relationship that he should be nurturing away from yours/his children.. seems to me he knew it would get up your nose. As a mum myself, I would never introduce a our kids to a relationship of only a few months.. it’s not health for the kids to see their parent move on so quickly.. and when they are with their father, it should be quality between him and them. I’d question how mature your ex is and sounds to me like you made the right decision in getting rid!

PringlePot · 30/12/2024 20:55

It isn't right. Not fair on kids.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2024 21:04

SpicyMarge · 30/12/2024 20:22

For what reason?

Do you think he should have asked your permission?

Ultimately, he’s a free agent and can do what he wants. Surely your decision to end the marriage came with the realisation that you could no longer have any say in his life?

I do feel sorry for the kids though.

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Jeez, you don't think introducing your kids to a new partner is something that should be discussed with the other parent first? Sounds like the decent and respectful thing to do, although l seem to be alone in that...!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2024 21:07

Kelwar · 30/12/2024 20:32

Personally, I’d be as pissed off as you are. Doesn’t matter that you ended the marriage.. it was only 4 months ago and only a really serious new partner should be meeting your children. Is he seriously thinking this new woman is going to last? Unless she’s been around for longer that 4 months than I would hazard a guess that this is a new relationship that he should be nurturing away from yours/his children.. seems to me he knew it would get up your nose. As a mum myself, I would never introduce a our kids to a relationship of only a few months.. it’s not health for the kids to see their parent move on so quickly.. and when they are with their father, it should be quality between him and them. I’d question how mature your ex is and sounds to me like you made the right decision in getting rid!

Edited

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This

Although l'm biased. My SBEXH waited 7 weeks.

It's bitten him on the arse though, the kids can't stand her. I feel sorry he couldn't have waited and got a better outcome for their sake.

SpicyMarge · 30/12/2024 21:11

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2024 21:04

Jeez, you don't think introducing your kids to a new partner is something that should be discussed with the other parent first? Sounds like the decent and respectful thing to do, although l seem to be alone in that...!

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No, I don’t.

Do you think the OP should tell her ex if she gets a new boyfriend? It’s a dangerous and controlling precedent.

Ultimately, OP doesn’t get to dictate who this man sees or how he parents his children when he has them.

Ideally, I would like parents to put their children first and not traipse a litany of new girlfriends and boyfriends into their lives but that doesn’t seem to be how the world operates, sadly.

outerspacepotato · 30/12/2024 21:13

It would be better for the kids if he developed a relationship and then after some months when it looked like it might last long term to introduce the kids.

But you can't control what he does. The kids will learn Dad comes with a new GF or 10. Hopefully they're nice to your kids.

Kelwar · 30/12/2024 21:30

Unfortunately there aren’t many men who can cope terribly well on their own, they mostly tend to move on quickly..

BeensOnToost · 30/12/2024 21:33

Some men just see women as bums on a seat to make their life easier. How good of a husband was he? If he was a lazy fucker, chances are he is looking for another person to fill the vacant cook/cleaner role.

As someone else said, you can't control it but rest assured that the kids will start seeing him for who he is.

Kelwar · 30/12/2024 21:35

SpicyMarge · 30/12/2024 21:11

No, I don’t.

Do you think the OP should tell her ex if she gets a new boyfriend? It’s a dangerous and controlling precedent.

Ultimately, OP doesn’t get to dictate who this man sees or how he parents his children when he has them.

Ideally, I would like parents to put their children first and not traipse a litany of new girlfriends and boyfriends into their lives but that doesn’t seem to be how the world operates, sadly.

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He doesn’t have to tell the OP about his new relationship.. true.. but a courtesy conversation should be had when introducing new lady to their children.. this kind of thing can be quite damaging for kids if not handled properly (such as introducing too soon/not enough quality time with their father alone) I was the child of divorced parents and they both moved on quickly with new partners..It was hurtful and used as a means to punish each other.. there was zero thought to us kids as they were too busy trying to piss each other off the whole time.. if the ex husband is serious about this woman she can wait to meet the kids

Cherry8809 · 30/12/2024 21:42

Shutball · 30/12/2024 19:26

So I decided to end my marriage about 4 months ago and I got a call today to tell me he has took them on a day out with another woman. How can you possibly go from a long term relationship and then go into another one straight away!

“Whoever abandoned you in the middle of the ocean has no right to know what the sharks did to you or how you manage to the shore”

Original poster

Shutball · 30/12/2024 21:49

Kelwar · 30/12/2024 21:30

Unfortunately there aren’t many men who can cope terribly well on their own, they mostly tend to move on quickly..

Yes. Although I have a few rebounds sexually (when I am without the kids) I am really not ready for anything else at all.

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