How do I cope with this!?

[Shutball]

So I decided to end my marriage about 4 months ago and I got a call today to tell me he has took them on a day out with another woman. How can you possibly go from a long term relationship and then go into another one straight away!

But the reason was he didn’t put us first

I’ve just found out he took the kids to see Santa with her. Men are twats

But you ended it with him.

It’s not your place to dictate how long he’s allowed to take to move on, as much as it’s a shock to the system…

You left him, why on earth would he put you first? And you’ve said you've had rebounds in the 4 months since you left him and you’re not ready for a relationship yet - why do you expect him to think and behave exactly like you?

Not just men 👀

Nice for the kids though as they'll be missing their dad.

I don't think someone else coming along would bother a lot of kids, as long as they see their estranged parent.

How old are the kids?

I know it's hard to see him putting someone else first when you never were in your marriage but you ended it. You couldn't see a way out of it and to change things.

As harsh as it may be, sometimes people don't try to fix things with people they just don't want to be with. Undoubtedly with time he'll be the exact same with this person/a new person but you have to move on. You nailed the coffin, now put the soil on top and walk away.

It hurts because it triggers your feelings of worth and validity. You need to explore those yourself.

But you said in your OP...

How can you possibly go from a long term relationship and then go into another one straight away!

One could ask you a similar question - 'How can you go from sex in a long term relationship, to sex with other men straight away?'

The only difference is he's having an actual relationship rather than sex with different women.

He even told me the sex was great. I just don’t understand how he could be so hurtful.

Remember all his flaws. Well someone else gets to deal with them now.. Maybe not immediately but they will surface. And nowt like dampening a new relationship than 2 dc... He's using them to play Good Guy. It won't last will it?

Ok but you didn't address what I said, after quoting me?

He’s a pretty selfish prick of a father for playing happy families with his new woman and kids already. They’ve not even had time to adjust to your separation yet and he’s already bringing step mum number one into their lives.

There really isn’t anything you can do to stop him prioritising his dick over his kids wellbeing but just don’t bite and give him any reaction.

It just hurts so much

You don't want him. You gave him freedom and he has grabbed it with both hands. Welcome to being divorced with kids.

Why does it hurt you? You dumped him four months ago. You have no say in his love life or in what he does with DC so long as they are safe and cared for.

Did you think he would see the error of his ways and come crawling back, a changed man?

All you can do is hope he has chosen a lovely new partner who will be kind to your DC.

It was very selfish for him to take the kids to see Santa with her. That is usually a really special family activity. So yes he was 100% in the wrong and also in general it’s not fair on the kids to be introducing another woman in a “mummy” figure who he barely knows himself.

However OP…. four months really is nothing and it sounds like you’ve both rebounded pretty speedily in your own way. Perhaps you could both do with prioritising the kids for a while and taking time to discuss how you are going to navigate this massive change for them rather than seeking relationships and/or hookups.

I don’t know why you’re hurt about him being in another relationship when you’ve had rebounds yourself in the 4 months. You both seem happy it’s ended as you’ve both moved on technically.

Him being in a new relationship is just the same as what you’re doing, even better because at least he’s with someone rather than having rebounds with randoms.

The issue here is that he’s introduced the kids to her which is too soon and not putting them first. How to help the kids navigate this should be your focus.

This is a good point. At least he seems to be taking it relatively seriously with one woman and also looking after his kids, while the OP is off having random sex with different men.

He has them one night a week. Plenty of time to spend with her without them

What? You left him, he hasn’t cheated, is allowed to do what he wants, isn’t with you and you feel you can lose it on him for making a reasonable decision.

Why was it a shock? You aren’t in his life anymore to know the ins and outs. Did you expect him to stay single until it suited you?

For the sake of the children I would suggest you consider your reactions to him when he has done nothing wrong in future.

What I do in my spare time has no bearing on anybody. I only get one night a week off. If I was going to introduce somebody to the kids I would discuss it with him first

Clearly he wanted to do something together with them, and her. Santa sounds nice.

Did she have children involved in the day out, too?

What did your kids think about the day? Have you had any feedback from them?

Yes she has a child and the kids seemed to really enjoy it. That isn’t the issue, he could have just told me.

What difference would telling you have made?

I would be annoyed too if someone introduced a new woman to my dc so quickly after breaking up. Yes he is entitled to see someone new but it’s only been 4 months, the kids are probably all over the place without introducing someone new to the mix like this. It’s pretty selfish doing this.