To get married in secret, then forget about it

[Monster6]

Hi Mumsnetters. ☺️ I’m in a long term stable relationship, with 2 teen kids. We have a joint mortgage, and wills naming each other as the beneficiaries if anything were to happen. Neither of us have ever been particularly interested in getting marriage, but recently I’ve been starting to consider it. We’re both mid 40s. My question is, is it really bad form to just get married, quietly and not tell anyone? I hate fuss. Anyone done similar? I’d like the kids there but honestly that’s it. AIBU?

I did it with two witnesses the register office arranged. Big mistake.

Both families were very upset that they hadn’t been included. My mother in particular.

I would definitely invite my children to it. It would be nicer for them being there. It doesn't matter as they tell anyone does it?

Do it.
We did. No regrets.

This is actually my dream x

@Monster6 Here you:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

@Monster6 the judge who performed our ceremony gave a wonderful bit of advice, and it’s the only unsolicited advice I give to anyone getting married. So I’ll share it with you too.

He said very plainly “There is no wrong way to get married only a wrong way to be married… so whatever happens today doesn’t mean anything in the long run “

do it however you want to.

This is basically the dream. Part of me just feels a bit, I don’t know? Sneaky?

Nothing sneaky about it, you're both doing it the way you want to and not the way everyone else thinks you should.

Definitely do it for the legal clarity marriage provides. You don't need to advertise it at all, but it's a very sensible choice.

How old are your teens? If you have one 19yo and one 17yo, I’d hang off for another year so they could both be witnesses but if 13yo and 15yo then no point waiting.

I'd do it but I'd include my kids and my mum and go for a meal afterwards!

We did it in Scotland. So didn't need witnesses😃

I did just this.

We had the best day ever, took just two friends as our witness.

Do it OP.

You could just have a civil partnership too!

I’m very close to my mum. And this is a consideration, but I can’t see past this just being a private thing between me and my partner. Partner quite happy not to tell his parents. We both see this as a legal matter rather than anything romantic etc.

We are Scotland. Are witnesses not needed?

They are only 13, and 14. 😊 I genuinely don’t think they even consider the issue.and yes, they are boys 🤣🤣🤣

Tell (or discuss with) both parents, then do it. We did that and went abroad. Paid a vicar and his wife was the witness. Sent everyone photos. Job done.

@Monster6 skimmed through the thread
My take is you need to be ahead of the ridiculous legal process and you'd simply be signing legal documents to put your paperwork in place. Just do it but mention to people at appropriate times. That you've both signed on the dotted line. If that makes sense.

We got married in a Registry office with two friends as witnesses. Went out for lunch after.
Was perfect! We did it partly as I'd just changed jobs and the death in service was more if we were married!! Mind it was 28 years ago... 😀