My mother has asked this - this is surely unreasonable

[BarrioQueen]

My mother and stepfather are due to be seeing in New Year with her sister and husband (my Aunt) friends in a pretty holiday cottage in the Lake District - it is fairly remote apparently. The cottage - not stayed in before is much nearer to them than my Aunt who lives a long drive away. They are staying a week.
My Mum isn't great at technology - so paid my Aunt half by cheque and my Aunt booked it. However my Aunt has not yet sent any details of how to find the cottage, address etc. Though my Mother does know the name of the village it is in. Apparently my Mum has sent her 4 messages or phone calls (requesting this info) soon after Christmas but the information has not been forthcoming and my step father understandably is wishing they'd not booked.

My Mum is asking me to contact my Aunt - I've sent her a text asking for the info - on how to get into the cottage and address but despite a long message all about the joys of Christmas no info has been forthcoming. I don't see the holiday cottage giving this info to the person who is not on the booking form as they would surely revert this back to the booking person - as I had thought of telling my Mum to contact them.
My Aunt is a bit of Primadonna - but really she's being unreasonable isn't she? Presumably there must be some reason why she is 'gate keeping' this info? My Mum is worried about driving in the dark, and concerned that she won't be able to access the cottage until after her sister arrives. Her sister has form for arriving to events really late - she missed my wedding service for example.
I guess I have answered this question - but aside from telling my Mum never to arrange a cottage booking with them again, how should she proceed? My Aunt seems to be being deliberately obstructive? My Aunt is not picking up the phone, and being unspecific in messages. Grrr. I'm going to stay out of this and maybe end up with my Mum for new Year!
This is bizarre behaviour isn't it???

My Mum and Dad run holiday cottages. I imagine your Aunt will want to get their first so that she can allocate the rooms sort out who has which bedroom etc There is something about the first person who arrives stamping their mark on proceedings. Which shelf of the fridge the cheese goes on etc. odd I know but it's definitely a thing. If your mum doesn't know how to get in the cottage then she won't be in first !!!

in your aunt’s head, they don’t have to leave until tomorrow, so I suspect she’ll withhold the info until then.

But why? She's been asked for the details many times - for somebody who has paid as much as she has to be there - so why can't she respect that and give the info?

As for places that don't release the exact location until the day before, I'd assume this must mean that it's situated in the dodgy part of town right near where the drug dealers hang out and wouldn't book it. If you wouldn't pay a fiver for a 'mystery sandwich' from a lunch shop without being able to see what you're getting, why on earth would you pay hundreds or even thousands for a mystery holiday cottage?

I'm sure they wouldn't be at all happy if the customer insisted on only releasing their payment for renting the place the day before.

Back to the aunt... the problem with knowing that you have it all covered and that you will make certain to pass on the necessary details on a (to you) 'just in time' basis is that other people don't live in your head and don't know if you've forgotten, are being deliberately difficult or if there's some other problem. It's a very basic common courtesy to keep people informed and not to gatekeep necessary information until you deem it appropriate to tell. People look forward to holidays in different ways, and if somebody likes to know and plan ahead for all the little details of their holiday - even if you personally don't really care you're an absolute arse to deliberately prevent them from being able to do so.

My only other wonder might be that she's invited somebody else along and now realises that there isn't now enough room there for everybody. If that were the case, she might be hoping to spring it on your Mum at the last minute that 'there's a problem with the holiday - she'll chase them for a refund' and for her not to go after all. Either that or, rather than her wanting to grab the best bedroom for herself, she could be planning on your Mum getting there last of all, before she can grab any bedroom, as - unbeknownst to her - there is no bedroom for her and she's now on the sofa-bed in the living room.

Forgive me if I've misconstrued this, but I get the impression that - as well as not being tech-savvy - she's quite meek and trusting and liable to be taken advantage of if somebody chose to do so?

Whatever happened to respecting somebody?

It's not a case of making do with what might be sufficient for the basics of what you need; she's paid for a holiday and has every right to enjoy planning and looking forward to it.

You are right - of course, it is January; but so many people use 'New year' to refer to the changeover from NYE to NYD - and often nothing to do with the remaining 364/365 days of the new year at all!

Aunty Mavis is probably a controlling arsehole and thrilled at all the stress she is causing.

I'm not saying that she should, but she could always lie about the timings.

Tell them that they can't get in until 5pm, so don't leave too early, as you'll only be hanging around outside; but then claim the traffic was really unexpectedly light for her, so she made very good time and 'to her surprise', the owner saw her and let her go in early.

That way, the aunt would have achieved her petty little wish, whilst OP's DM would be reassured, happy and none the wiser.

It’s completely standard on Airbnb that you don’t get the exact location until 24/48 hours before. I don’t know why they do it but it definitely has nothing to do with the standard of the property or the area.

Is your mum wanting to complete her journey in daylight? Could she ask once more for the "cottage address and access details so she can get in and make sure the heating is on/kettle hot/ice frozen for G + T"? Alternatively, she asks for her money back because her sister hasn't forwarded the booking confirmation email and the stress has spoiled the holiday.

And that includes not replying to texts and ignoring phone calls, does it?
it is perfectly reasonable to want travel directions a few days in advance. Most people do not want to rome around the countryside in the dark, knocking on the doors of strangers to ask directions or to face the possibility of having to wait in a car in freezing conditions until the person with the code or key arrives.

Can you really not? Try really hard!

All sounds very odd, Hope the aunt has booked it!

I think it’s so you don’t rock up a few days early if entry is via keypad? Because potentially the cottage could be empty the week before (which you’d be able to tell by the availability on the website) and you could have a free week?

I guess they must normally get on well otherwise they wouldn't be going away together. It's bizarre she couldn't send a quick text
Could she/ someone be unwell or have a family emergency to deal with?
I'd feel anxious in your DM's position as I like to have all the details
Does Aunt live with anyone else you could contact?

Why doesn't she say this then? Rather than just texting that she is out shopping?

You could probably track down the cottage by google ing the village name and cottages to rent. Try also on Booking.com and Airbnb sites. Then contact owner directly and ask if a booking has been made by your aunt. The owner will hopefully confirm or deny. Take it from there.
With that amount of c.fukery I would be dubious about going full stop.

I think it might also be so that you don't cancel the booking and make a cash-in-hand deal with the host, thus bypassing the site's commission. Of course you can do that in less than 24-48 hours, but the longer you have, the more likely you are to think about doing it.

A family member works for a company that makes its money by bringing buyers and sellers together, and it's a challenge to ensure repeat business once the two have me. They do it by adding value (insurance, ease of cancellation, etc) but there are quite a lot of people who will sacrifice that to save 20%.

Your aunt sounds like a piece of work!

No one said that this is an ideal way of going about things. But these are two mature women who have known each other their entire lives and presumably the Aunt (while really rather scatty) has some good qualities that make the DM want to spend time with her in a holiday cottage.

I know that it is testing for her DM and her husband but a bit more patience and tolerance will probably make this a wonderful new year. Firing off angry messages or cancelling the trip will cause a row that will probably be months in the mending.

I assume she had booked it but doesn’t want your mum arriving before her and nabbing the best bedroom.

Why on earth do companies or air bnb leave it so late to give out the address details. Once they have your money there's no reason not to is there?

If there are any holiday home owners on here I'd love to know the reason?

Agree with this

Its all about control.

Tell your mum to not go and ask for her money back.

This is setting the tone for how crap it will be if your mum goes. The aunt must be loving all this chasing for information and not giving any. What a nasty piece of work