Worried about DH parental leave

[Firstrodeo1]

DH is taking some parental leave soon as my maternity pay is coming to an end, we have DD who is 7 months. When we planned this a lot of the decision was financial as we can’t afford to drop to one income and DHs company will top up his pay. It obviously seemed more sensible than using childcare.

However I’m a bit worried about DHs parenting style. He doesn’t interact a lot with DD when he’s looking after her and will leave her to her own devices. She’ll play independently for a bit but she is only 7 months old so although she has toys she doesn’t know what to do with them. Also, I feel it’s important for her development to interact with her.

Eg yesterday I asked him to look after her for an hour whilst I did some cleaning and sorted out washing. He just laid on the sofa and watched a film whilst DD roamed around on the floor. She was safe but not exactly stimulated and he would just pause his film and speak to her when she cried. I could hear her crying and DH ignored her so I had to go down and play with her for a bit.

The other day I went for a run when he watched her and when I came back she was in her jumperoo and he was cleaning his car with the front door closed. Yes she was safe but not exactly happy.

Since we originally planned the leave I’ve come into some money and would be happy to use it to be off for the full 12 months but DH insists he wants to take the leave as he hates his job. I’m worried that DD won’t get any stimulation when he’s off which will be detrimental to her development.

We don’t have any family near us besides MIL. To make it more complicated MIL has recently retired and he’s suggested he’ll just take DD to hers every day so he can get on with jobs around the house. Again I feel like if this is his plan I would rather be off work spending quality time with DD.

Is this unreasonable? I know DD will be safe but she does get bored obviously and DH seems oblivious to this.

Seeing as he cannot meet her basic needs, he doesn’t get to have this PARENTAL leave. You should continue with your leave, as you can look after her properly.

I agree with another poster who said that money you’ve come into may be better off kept aside in case you need it to separate. He sounds utterly useless and selfish.

I’m pretty relaxed, but leaving her alone in her jumperoo whilst he was outside with the door closed is completely unacceptable.

I can’t believe he thought it was acceptable to leave the baby in the house, in the jumperoo with the door closed while he cleaned his car. I would never be able to trust him alone with the baby again.
He could have taken her outside in the buggy where he could see & interact with her if he needed to clean his car.
He sounds like he can’t be arsed with parenting tbh.

Parental leave is not a holiday. If he wants a break from work, he should take AL or change jobs. In your situation, just take all your mat leave, he is useless and lazy and tell him he needs to step up! It’s his child too. Not preparing food is not on, your meal times will be messy for the next 2-3 years! He better get used to it.

On the jumperoo incident, he was just getting some rubbish out of his car not out there washing it. But I would have left the front door open so I could see what DD was doing.

Has he apologised for the Baby Jumperoo incident? I would be wary of leaving DD with him .Surely he realises this is unacceptable .Sounds like hes after a break from work! Feeding ,playing and stimulating DC is what being a parent is about! Did he want children.He needs to step up and realise .I would not return to work and tell him why!

The people criticizing OP for preferring stimulation to outright neglect are just astonishing here. Yes, yes, yes hypothetically OP, who has described an absolutely basic level of childrearing attention, could be a crazed helicopter parent but look, over in the real world, the danger posed to the baby isn’t overstimulation or over parenting but absolutely astonishing levels of self centered paternal neglect.

I’m sorry if I missed it, but have you talked to him about this and shared your concerns? If so, what was his response?

My baby toppled his jumperoo over (when under someone else's care) as he shifted it over to a table then pulled himself over using the table - he was hurt and sad (not badly) no way should someone be unattended in a jumperoo.
You're in a difficult spot as if you break up he'd get time unattended. I guess you could use your annual leave and then get four weekend unpaid parental leave to take two months off with him? Go on a long holiday together?

Get him to watch baby academy course about accidents in the home and do an in person first aid course too

I'd rather put her in a nursery then leave her with him

Leaving her inside with the door closed is dangerous. I would be telling him he either looks after her properly, and not palming her off with MIL or you take the time unpaid. I would not be comfortable leaving my baby with him.

I agree write this all down.

Op read my post 'ex DP burnt my baby' for examples of what can happen with negligent fathers

Christ do not have another child with him! Useless.

@catza just leaving them too it for 3 weeks is fine except you need to feel confident your baby will be alive and well when you return. I wouldn't be in ops shoes

At least he got the message. I do think such things should be obvious to people though

You need to tell him. You're second guessing ShPL as he isn't watching her properly. ShPL isn't a break from work. In fact it's harder than work. He can't be ditching his responsibility on MIL. He needs to step up and start watching her properly now or you're cancelling and reverting to pure maternity leave.

He's lazy while your there and knows you're watching him. He won't be less lazy when your not there.

I remember your thread. There were a few posters on there saying 'ahhh he's doing his best' and 'don't be mean, you'll have an accident one day' and ignoring your ex DP's pattern of irresponsible 'I know best' behaviour.

I hope that co-parenting with him has got easier.

The point a pp made about language acquisition and IQ is critical.

Is he going to talk to her ALL day long or is he going to lounge around watching television?

Right when her brain most needs talk.

My mother said she constantly narrated the day to us as babies/toddler, and read aloud to us without fail 2-3x per day, and it made a huge difference. My sister and I have each tested as high IQ; she became a lawyer and I am a writer/editor.

This.