AIBU unreasonable OH being ridiculous

[Weddingbells6]

Competely understand this is a 1st world problem and of little significance to most people but it’s a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ for me.

I was building Lego for our son and had the torch on my phone on. I accidentally shone it in OH’s eyes momentarily. He said ‘you shone your torch in my eyes.’ with a look of complete annoyance and disdain and took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes like I had blinded him.

i told him it was a complete accident and that it wasn’t likely to happen again but honestly he’s made me feel completely crap and useless.

He hasn’t felt very well today but honestly I do so much for him and he’s not poorly enough to not be on his phone / watching TV. I’ve brought him coffee from the shop and taken some of his returns to the shop because he gets anxious about doing it himself. I got up with the kids and haven’t asked him to do a single thing all day.

Would it have killed him to not mention it or seem so annoyed? Knowing it was a one off and a complete accident?

I feel like walking out if I’m such an inconvenience. See how convenient life is without me. Sounds dramatic but I’m honestly sick of him.

Edit: I spoke to him and he said ‘it really hurt.’ Is that even possible? 😂

I can see that it might have been momentarily uncomfortable and surprised him but he does seem to be overeacting. You also apologised. I don’t know what more he could expect.

He must really struggle with eye tests!

If you’re pissed off at him for other reasons, it’s probably better to focus on those instead of the torch thing.

You can even apologise profusely for the torch thing AND complain about other things he’s doing, without losing face / ground / the sense of being in the right. I’d argue it’s even better this way.

I feel you. You're rushing about doing everything, your shattered, Christmas has probably been all on you as. You're basically, chef, cleaner, nanny etc all in one and he does sweet fa and then has the audacity to moan at an accidental minor inconvenience that you've caused him. A phone light doesn't hurt. It will have been less than seconds it shined in his eyes. He's making a big fuss off a little thing when you're having to do lots of big things and you've bitten your tongue and not complained. He sounds like a selfish irritating man child. I have one of them too. I get it. I would be pissed off too.

I was kind of hoping someone might just come along and say this. I kind of already know that he’s an arse and that he should have just sucked it up but he wanted me to feel guilty. You know - after I solo parented all day and brought him coffee and did his life admin? Some people will never get it because they haven’t ever experienced anyone like him, good for them I guess. Funny when he booted a football at me a couple of months ago and it left a red mark on my chest he was laughing 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t remember him being very sorry or me acting as wounded as he did today.

I’ve also learnt I have very strong eyes as a lot of people on here would be in agony in broad daylight with a brief flash of a phone light in their eyes.

Yes it can bloody hurt when someone shines a light in your eyes, DS had a habit of doing it when he was younger.
If you've apologised though I don't see what the issue is, I doubt he was making it up

Thank you ♥️ it was probably a split second in broad daylight and he was on his phone and watching TV.

My DH has a new running light which he accidentally dazzled me with this morning when trying it out. He apologised straight away and gave me a hug.

I assure you it does hurt

Possibly not. Except a disabled child that would struggle with a change in his life? A house that I paid for when he has nowhere to go? 14 years of entanglement?

Thank you. I mean if you had a serious illness the doctor would still shine a light in your eyes to check. I can’t believe how many people think him mentioning it and rubbing his eyes and taking his glasses off etc is really normal. Haha, I will remember to ask him how he got in next time he has an eye test. Oh and he calls himself an alpha and really gets into all the UFC and boxing and testosterone-y stuff in general so yeah it’s quite comical to me that this is what took him down. Unless of course this was just designed to make me feel bad? Surely not as that would make him a bit of a twat wouldn’t it? 🧐

I've never had a phone light hurt my eyes like other lights might. I did vote you're unreasonable for caring about it -- but he's also unreasonable for worrying about a momentary flash of light. It sounds like everyone is overreacting a bit to a small incident because of the background.

How do you cope with visits to the doctors, are you not able to stand a optician appointment?
I've got light sensitivity and light can easily trigger headaches. I love April to September and wearing sunglasses, but people on here seem to have very peculiar issues over light and smells.

It does hurt! And you get that horrid “green blob” in your vision for ages.

Nah, don't fall for the sunk costs fallacy. You can't live like this, get rid.

Make 2025 your new life.

He sounds pathetic with the torch incident.

If he walked out and left , your child would have to deal with the change.

No more coffee and running around after the lazy arsehole.

Where he lives is for him to sort out.

He kicked a ball at you and found it funny.!!

Plus it’s like when you stub your toe - it’s an unexpected pain that makes you irrationally angry. You sound unsympathetic .. why should you “believe” others pain tolerance levels?

Crikey YABSU
And defensive
Just apologise!
All this talk of leaving makes it sound like you are looking for things to blame him for
Complete overeaction

He's defo moaning about it so he can have something to moan about if that makes sense. If it wasn't the phone light it would be something else.
People saying if you're not happy leave. It's not always that straight forward. Sometimes you can't just leave, but you want to get it off your chest and know that you're not being unreasonable that he is and you just want to feel heard and validated. Not told to leave. I imagine he's quite draining to live with 😔

Your OH sounds like a bit of a big girl's blouse OP.
and taken some of his returns to the shop because he gets anxious about doing it himself

Just read your latest post about him thinking he's an alpha. He's a delusional big girl's blouse 😂Does he have any attractive qualities?

This is horrible.

Just start a thread to vent about what a twat he is for the actual twattish things he does rather than choosing this hill to die on. Yes, a bright light suddenly shining in your eyes can hurt. As a glasses wearer I would take them off and rub my eyes (and DP would apologise to me). But you obviously loathe the man regardless, so why are you arguing this point with internet randoms?

I think I’m allowed to do whatever I want and what I need to in order to cope with my situation but thanks for the suggestion and have a good night.

He’s quite funny (sometimes) 🙈

It’s a torch from a phone that OP accidentally shone in his eyes, while trying to do something nice with their DC - and she apologised!

Unless he has epilepsy or migraines (or other conditions) set off by light - your DH is drama queen who needs to get up of his arse and contribute to the household- like we all have to do if we are feeling a bit under the weather. The fact you have said its the straw that has broken the camels back means to me he is always this much of an idiot and that you need to really think about either telling him it all has to change or you need to contemplate a life without him!

Is it? Honestly everyone I know thinks things like this about their OH and their ‘man flu’ sometimes because most of us do literally everything and they do almost nothing and don’t look after us when we’re ill etc.

You said in a later post that you've apologised but your OP says

i told him it was a complete accident and that it wasn’t likely to happen again

Did you ACTUALLY apologise? I'm 100% projecting here as my ex used to do what you said you did. Hw ould never actually say sorry and always made out whatever has annoyed/upset/irritated me was my problem not his. But then we used to irritate the shit out of each other by the end hence why we're now divorced