To think this is off? Parents…

106 replies

BunnyLily · 29/12/2024 10:21

So I’m 50years old and an only child. Separated with two young children. It’s always been an awkward relationship with my parents as I really don’t think they are child people and have never told me they love me or hugged where as I always do to my two.
they think I’m still an adolescent I think. I smoke roll ups and they constantly telling me to give up or to sweep my nub ends up which I do every so often… I said if you didn’t keep on I will give up for myself!
They are constantly obsessed with what I eat and if they see me eating something unhealthy I get a nose turned up. They have paid for me to go on diet jabs which I’ve lost a lot of weight and they keep saying ‘oh you look loads better’ where as I was doing it for me to be healthy. They recently commented that I had bags under my eyes so for Xmas they bought me some special cream to use… now I keep getting asked if I’ve used it and being told how good it is and it really works!
The kids were at their Dads over Xmas and they were coming back Boxing Day to me. I had missed them and wanted them back.. Mom n Dad said ah if they’ve enjoyed it they can stay another night and we can cancel their meals for Boxing Day! I was like ‘I really want to see my kids!’
They look after them when I’m at work and I do appreciate it but they would rather spend time looking after and helping other people than my children.
they are great with helping me with finances and always have been. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable with all of this or if I’ve got a point?

OP posts:

Superhansrantowindsor · 04/01/2025 06:53

If you want independence from them it needs to be total. Don’t take a single penny from them and don’t ask for childcare. Whilst your parents contribute the way they do, you can’t really complain about them expressing opinions the way they do. I’m sorry that with two jobs you are financially struggling. Is it possible to move somewhere cheaper so you can afford holiday club for your dc? Could their dad have them overnight so you can go out?

TorroFerney · 04/01/2025 07:45

BunnyLily · 29/12/2024 12:37

Thanks for your help and support. I suppose this day and age there is a need to pick on what someone is trying to say without actually knowing the full facts which is very sad and makes someone asking for help feel bad about themselves. Apart from a few posts that have actually helped I think a lot of posters actually have to look at themselves and their comments and try to see themselves as having less than perfect lives.
I obviously know my parents do a lot and appreciate it. But the focus of my post was the suffocation I have felt since my childhood.
comments like … it’s a troll post or you need counselling are so funny….
please remember to be kind, kindness goes a long way and someone posting and asking for help on one of these forums may genuinely be really down or upset.

I had a controlling parent and my first relationship was with a very controlling person as that's what I had had modelled to me (my parents also hated each other so I'd not had good relationships modelled) so that is perhaps what happened to you. However, you are an adult now, what do you say when they comment on your appearance, do you ask them not to or leave the room. Or do you hope they will stop without you saying anything as you are scared they will stop giving you money? Now I may be wrong and you may be a complete car crash and they are doing what they think best or they may have always infantalised you and continue to do so - only you know. How much money are they giving you? did they offer or did you ask? Can you really not do without it?

The cigarette ends on the floor, assume outside is not nice though and I think mentioning that was a mistake as no one will say oh they are awful for saying that!

UnicornBubble · 04/01/2025 15:45

Have you tried talking to your parents about “telling you what to do”?

unfortunately it seems they may micromanage a lot, if you have no luck talking to them about it to get them to ease off, then my only advice would be to work on your self confidence etc, so that you are able to “ignore” their comments and be confident enough to say “no”, “that’s not for me”, “this is how I like/want it” etc.

Its not likely your parents will stop the micromanaging, so the best way forward would be to work on ignoring it and not letting it get to you, whilst being confident enough to make and stick to your own decisions, even when they differ to your parents opinions.

Botanybaby · 04/01/2025 16:10

Your 50 years old you shouldn't be relying on mum and dad for financial support they'll be blooming pensioners sort it out

IlooklikeNigella · 04/01/2025 16:22

Hi OP,

It sounds rough. I'm seeing a picture develop of you not being supported as an adult in an age / situation appropriate way but dismissed and criticised.

You didn't really get to be a kid (cuddles, hugs, comfort) and now you're not getting to be an adult (respect, trust, companionship).

I'm very sorry. It sounds like you're doing a great job with your own kids. Take a step away from your parents. You can love them and still see them but acknowledge to yourself they were not the type of parents you would have wanted. They still did their best. Their method now is loving but in a strange way; I assume they want to see you taking care of yourself. That generation can be very passive remarkable about weight and appearance. Just change the subject and try not to take it personally.

The main issue as I see it is that you don't have your own support network. Could you focus on making friends this year? Earning more so you're not financially vulnerable?

VegTrug · 05/01/2025 11:57

I think you sound like a teenager. How have you gone from marriage to teen life?

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