My mums dead

[Whatayear2023]

My mum dropped dead boxing day night.
She was only talking to me fine went to the loo and heard a bang. I did cpr for almost 20mins until first responder came. They took over but kept telling me she's gone.
Had to stay with her body until police came then the undertakers
I'm heartbroken I keep crying all the time
She was all I had.
I would go there every day take her food every day clean up wash her dress her and she was my best friend not just my mum.
But now I'm called the grand daughter which technically I am but she had me from a few months old and it's hurting no one sees me as her daughter and watching family who never bothered taking stuff and keeping on about how much they getting I feel sick.
Is there a way to just stop the crying I try and it keeps coming and I've had 2 panic attacks today

I’m so very sorry.

So sorry op. Wish I could give you a big hug and look after you. What a Terrible shock, I know the grief is overwhelming.

Try to eat enough if you can, I have a relative who's grieving and they are struggling to eat.

I know it's not the same but your mom would want to be right there with you in spirit to keep you company and look out for you. Take any keepsakes you want, as you'll treasure them properly. I'm sorry you're relatives are acting the way they are.

I’m so sorry. 💐
I can only tell you some things I found when my husband was killed in a road accident and hope some of it might help.
A sudden, unexpected death brings shock. Shock affects you mentally and physically — hence your panic attacks. Shock does wear off eventually but it can take a while.
Things you can do: make sure you drink water, juice, tea, even if you cannot eat. Sounds daft but it prevents illness through dehydration.
For now it is just one minute at a time, one breath at a time. Try breathing slowly, close your eyes and count down from 10 to zero, one number on each out breath.
Try Rescue Remedy, I found it helped.
Talk to someone.
You might find it helpful to write. Anything that comes to your mind.
You can call the Samaritans at any time 116 123 free call. You can talk to your GP about shock and the possibility of PTSD.

I’m sorry if this is a lot of info. In time all your happy memories of the wonderful woman who loved you and brought you up will outweigh the sadness. She knew she was your mum just as much as you knew that.
I’m afraid not everyone acts with dignity after a family death and while you’ll see some undignified behaviour from some you’ll also find kindness and understanding from others and I found it helps to concentrate on that.

I don't know how to do a pm but I wish I had a way to give you my number if you wanted to do a call or video call. (Presumptuous on my part, and I'm not a counsellor, just a regular Joe.) You're a good person and deserve people to vent and have support.

I am so sorry .
Maybe if you phone the Samaritans they could suggest what support groups are in your area, to help you talk things through.

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Mother. You are a daughter and without a shadow of a doubt, your Mother loved you with all of her heart as a daughter.

I am sorry that people are incorrectly referring to you as a Grandaughter. This is ignorant and hurtful.

The fact that you cared so well for your Mother is admirable and it should give you some comfort when things get a little easier.

You are entitled to not leave the house, live in pyjamas and feel what you want to feel. Grief is a 7 headed beast and we feel it with all kinds of emotions.

Its hard to believe now but this will feel less painful. You’re probably in shock. Do reach out for support.

I’m sorry you were left alone with your Mum to wait for the undertaker. You should have had someone with you.

I am sending my care and hugs. If you are struggling do reach out to a service even if it’s a phone one. If you’re religious consider speaking to your local religious leader - it’s very comforting. Light a candle for your Mum who I believe - for what it’s worth - is in heaven, looking down on you, grateful that she was gifted a beautiful daughter until the very end xoxox

Walk and breathe and listen to music you like and buy flowers . Maybe get a pet? Sleep and cry for a few days. See your GP , some people find antidepressants / anti anxiety tablets helpful through a difficult stage.
Then definitely get a family law solicitor , especially because of what seems like a complicated family relationship. Did she live with you? Gather all the paperwork you can relating to money/time you have spent with her. If she owned her own house someone will be after it. I don't know the council system in the UK if it wa a council house but somebody on here will.
🌺Best wishes. And remember to eat and drink water.

@Whatayear2023 Oh that is such an awful shock for you.
Of course she was your 'Mum', she brought you up from a few months old.
My Brother's best friend from childhood was very close to his mum, and on his Birthday his mum literally collapsed into his arms and died.
He saw her begin to fall, and caught her by some miracle, but said ''I knew she was Gone the minute I caught her''

He too obviously did what you did.

It was extremely stressful for him.

He's ok now a few years later, but it hasn't been easy.

Your 'family' sound horrid to speak to you the way they have been.

It's a shame your Mum didn't change her Will, at least that would have given you some security.

I lost my mum as a young child, and do like to think that she looks over me, like a guardian at times.

Please don't ''Try to join her''..she wouldn't want that.

Don't try to stop your tears.

You were a lovely Daughter to her. ♥️

Another suggestion for panic attacks. I have used this and it works

The 333 rule for anxiety in the moment something triggers you. Just look around to identify 3 objects and 3 sounds, then move 3 body parts. Many people find this strategy helps focus and ground them when anxiety seems overwhelming.

This link to grief advice by nhs may also help.
Grief NHS - they say if grief is causing you anxiety to go to your GP. You must be in such shock,

They recommend a grief support service called Cruse and I’ve attached their free support phone number and their opening times. Cruse say if you can’t get through to them to call the Samaritans.

I’ve just posted the Cruse number and opening times incase it’s hard for you to navigate the website at this time.

Please feel free to DM me. I’m a Single Mum with a son, Labrador, ordinary life & no formal skills. I’m awake during the UK night due to time differences, and no stranger to grief xox

I am so, so sorry, Whatayear, my heart goes out to you.

Stop the relatives coming round so you can grieve privately, only entertain people or someone to whom you are close and who will help you. Post here as much as you want, we will support you.

She was your mum, she has left a big hole in your life. Grief takes its own time but one day you'll wake feeling better and be able to move on.

In the meantime, look after yourself. Rest and eat well.

Bless you. x

Oh it's so horrible. And everyone comes around like vultures when you are just mourning. I'm so so sorry. What would she say to you? Would she say you are just the granddaughter? Because how she felt means more than the vultures. She will always love you, your relationship with her and how strong that was in only really understandable for the two in it.

I'm so sorry. Cry as much as you need to. Maybe watch something funny, like a film that would cheer you up after a bad breakup, if you want to sort of "change the subject" in your mind.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this I know how it feels to lose a mum that was like a best friend.
I’m sending you so much love, kindness, blessings, light, handholds and hugs 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Sorry OP, allow yourself to grieve and I hope you have some people to support you 💜

Oh I am so sorry for you that’s awful. My mum collapsed and died of a heart attack earlier this year, Dad tried CPR and the ambulance did too but sadly she died.

It’s completely normal to be crying, your body is in total shock. Just keep breathing, be kind to yourself. You will be ok, it’s all just so horrible. Thinking of you.

Oh, sweetpea.

Lock the door. Don't answer the phone unless it's someone you WANT to talk to.

You'll find your way through, you always have.

I am so sorry for you loss. I can only imagine how difficult it is, but I am sure she will be watching you from above.
Take all the time you need to grieve and think that a fast death is probably a blessing for her eventough it's difficult for those who loved her. That's what helped me accepting my dad's death from a medical negligeance.

I am so sorry.
Take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry OP. Of course she was your Mum, and you will miss her. Cry as much as you like, but do remember that you were there at the end and tried to help her. I'm sorry the rest of the family are being so awful, death really brings out the worst in some people. Take care of yourself. 💐

So sorry for your loss.

@Whatayear2023 sorry for your loss, be patient with yourself. Grief takes as long as it takes and with me would come in waves. Keeping busy helps to distract but ultimately time makes it more bearable.

@ThatKhakiMoose
its terrible isn’t it. I never realised. Sorry you’re going through it too. I type ‘mindful stress reduction’ meditation into YouTube and lots of bits come up. Find one you like and listen through headphones. Try and do it every day and you will get better at it. I did meditation a lot when I was pregnant and it does really help even if it’s only for a while. X