Page 3 | My mums dead

Whatayear2023 · 2024-12-28T23:36:44+00:00

My mum dropped dead boxing day night. She was only talking to me fine went to the loo and heard a bang. I did cpr for almost 20mins until first responder came. They took over but kept telling me she's gone. Had to stay with her body until police came then the undertakers I'm heartbroken I keep crying all the time She was all I had. I would go there every day take her food every day clean up wash her dress her and she was my best friend not just my mum. But now I'm called the grand daughter which technically I am but she had me from a few months old and it's hurting no one sees me as her daughter and watching family who never bothered taking stuff and keeping on about how much they getting I feel sick. Is there a way to just stop the crying I try and it keeps coming and I've had 2 panic attacks today

BashfulClam · 29/12/2024 00:16

I’m so sorry, I take it she was elderly. Just now it all seems so raw and painful but eventually you remember the good times and they bring you a small smile. It only hurts because you loved her so much and it sounds like she really loved you, the last voice she heard was your’s, the last words she had were with someone she loved.

iamnotalemon · 29/12/2024 00:16

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you a huge hug x

Leelaseye · 29/12/2024 00:18

Oh OP how awful. I'm so very sorry for your loss. And you too @LoudPlumDog, how utterly tragic.
Wishing you both strength and better days ahead xx

Youcantwinthemall · 29/12/2024 00:18

Splendud · 28/12/2024 23:43

I'm so sorry. Sorry also that your family are being so heartless. Would you like to tell us about her?

This. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know there’s lots of people here who’d like to hear about your memories of her, when you’re ready. X

YouShouldBeDancingYeah · 29/12/2024 00:18

I’m so sorry lovely. Sounds like you were a wonderful caring daughter. I hope you have a support network IRL to help you. Thinking of you and sending huge hugs

Lemonyyy · 29/12/2024 00:19

I’m so sorry. I just wanted to say it takes real bravery to try cpr, to be there at the end, you did a good thing and I’m so re she’d be proud of you.

GauntJudy · 29/12/2024 00:21

That's so traumatic for you, sending love.

You know the love and true relationship you had with your mum, so don't let others get to you.

Look after yourself. I always think how I want my kids to smile and glow when they remember me, not to be sad. Give it time and you will get to that point x

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 29/12/2024 00:21

Sorry for your loss

wateringcanface · 29/12/2024 00:21

I'm so sorry 😞

ChessorBuckaroo · 29/12/2024 00:23

LoudPlumDog · 29/12/2024 00:11

My daughter who was 21 years old died exactly the same way seven weeks ago, devastated.
im so sorry for your loss.

God, sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you too OP.

Difficultwill · 29/12/2024 00:24

I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was more of a mother to you and your best friend and a wonderful lady. Cry, scream and punch a pillow to get your distress out. It is all normal. Ignore your family who sound like a load of vultures. Be kind to yourself and don’t try and do too much at the moment. Grief is different for everyone and even though it sort of follows a pattern you are an individual and you will grieve in your own way.
Life will get back to normal again but it will be a different type of normal but this will take months and months so take things slowly. Do you have any support from friends or relatives? If not try and get some help from a telephone helpline in the first instance. They can be very helpful and supportive and will listen to you. Please do get support from somewhere as it is hard to deal with on your own especially at your age.
Sending you hugs and care and please do look after yourself.

Motherrr · 29/12/2024 00:27

I'm so sorry. There are no words I can say that are enough. Sending a huge hug, be kind to yourself <3

bpirockin · 29/12/2024 00:28

I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter what anyone else labels your relationship, you know what you had and what you meant to her. They're taking 'stuff', it's not her, but they have no right to do so. If you are able to lock them out and deal with it when you're ready, then do so. Allow yourself the time to grieve such a huge loss, and know that you treated her with respect in both life and death as the vultures circle.

I hope you have someone to talk to, cry, scream, vent your hurt, but get it out somehow. Do whatever you need to do, there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to grief, it's like being in a whirlpool and you just need to grab onto something every once in a while so you don't get sucked under, and eventually you will make it through to the other side. Hard to believe right now, I know.

redalex261 · 29/12/2024 00:28

I’m so sorry. This is a horrible experience and the loss is crushing. My lovely mum died suddenly at Christmas almost 30 years ago. I too did the fruitless, desperate CPR until ambulance arrived, knowing in my heart she’d already gone. I felt terribly guilty for years at not managing to bring her back. Please don’t torture yourself like that. It’s really hard to cope with people just expressing their shock and sympathy then swiftly moving to pragmatic everyday matters when the arse has dropped out of your world. You have to let your emotions out, don’t bottle them up too early. Make sure you have a good friend or relative to talk to or even think about some grief counselling in the next few weeks - sometimes being able to talk to someone unconnected is better as you can say all the negative things you may not be able to express to others closer to the situation.

Remember you only feel this bad because you really loved someone who loved you back - that’s the flip side of having great people in your life. Please take care of yourself. In time you will get to a place where you will talk about your mum without breaking down but it takes a long time.

Pedallleur · 29/12/2024 00:30

It's all grief at the moment. Nothing you can do. You obviously loved her and it was your mother. If you are fortunate to have had a good relationship then that's what you will remember. Pain gets less but never goes. But you will remember all the great times you had. My mother died 21 years ago and I can tear up thinking about her even now.

DaniO2 · 29/12/2024 00:31

I am so so sorry. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship and you loved each other very much. You sound like you were a wonderful daughter to her.

This has been an awful shock for you, and it's natural to feel all sorts of things - anger, numbness, overwhelming sadness - you will get through it - even though it might seem impossible now.

YouShouldBeDancingYeah · 29/12/2024 00:32

LoudPlumDog · 29/12/2024 00:11

My daughter who was 21 years old died exactly the same way seven weeks ago, devastated.
im so sorry for your loss.

Oh my goodness. Sending you loads of love and hugs also. I’m just so sorry. 💐

LampHat · 29/12/2024 00:33

I’m so sorry OP. The fact your mum chose to be your mum is even more special. Sending love xx

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 29/12/2024 00:34

It's always been just us...I don't have a partner husband etc My whole life was mum and my kidd I'm a single mum.
When I had to call her 2 children to tell them they never answered had to use private number to get through and tell them. I didn't take anything apart from a toilet roll as kept crying and throwing up and it was staying with me.
I know some people have school friends I don't I literally used to drop little one off and straight to her house to do breakfast her morning wash make bed etc.
For past 6 months she been begging me to take her to solicitor so she can change her will as she said I'm the only one who deserves anything and she wants me to have somewhere to live as others have houses and I don't have a penny as all my time has been spent looking after her. I always said don't be silly you not going anywhere. She was so happy boxing day night when I went there again as I forgot to give her pringles she said how much of an angel I am and how much she loved me and I'm her baby (I'm nearly 40 lol) she said I was heaven sent to her
I'll have to see a gp Monday as kidd keep moaning that I'm crying and it's pathetic. My one son is so spiteful says if I miss her that much I should slit my wrists and kill myself and be with her.
If.i wasn't in the red.i.would be buying.a pack of fags and few kopparburg lol

OP posts:

Geekylover · 29/12/2024 00:34

I’m so sorry. Your mum was lucky to have you to love her. The days will be difficult for a while but the memories will last forever

RosesAndHellebores · 29/12/2024 00:34

I am so so sorry. Take care and let grief and tears come.

If you wanted to tell us about her, I am sure we'd all like to hear about her.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 29/12/2024 00:35

I bet you were the light of her life. I’m sure she would have loved to spare you this ordeal but I bet she would be pleased that yours were the last words she heard and the last face she saw. God bless you sweetheart x

Daisymae55 · 29/12/2024 00:37

Sending you all the love and strength in the world 💐 I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful mum and you sound like a wonderful daughter. Nothing anyone says can ever change that.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 29/12/2024 00:38

There isn’t anything that anyone of us can say to make this better as it’s such an awful thing to happen. Just know we care about you and are sending you love at this awful time.

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 29/12/2024 00:38

redalex261 · 29/12/2024 00:28

I’m so sorry. This is a horrible experience and the loss is crushing. My lovely mum died suddenly at Christmas almost 30 years ago. I too did the fruitless, desperate CPR until ambulance arrived, knowing in my heart she’d already gone. I felt terribly guilty for years at not managing to bring her back. Please don’t torture yourself like that. It’s really hard to cope with people just expressing their shock and sympathy then swiftly moving to pragmatic everyday matters when the arse has dropped out of your world. You have to let your emotions out, don’t bottle them up too early. Make sure you have a good friend or relative to talk to or even think about some grief counselling in the next few weeks - sometimes being able to talk to someone unconnected is better as you can say all the negative things you may not be able to express to others closer to the situation.

Remember you only feel this bad because you really loved someone who loved you back - that’s the flip side of having great people in your life. Please take care of yourself. In time you will get to a place where you will talk about your mum without breaking down but it takes a long time.

Sorry love... when I was doing it I head a breath and saw mouth move so thought she wasn't going to leave me but the paramedic said it was just air.leaving during cpr.
That brief second of hope then none.
Sitting in the room with her for 3 hours watching her face change colour was such a weird feeling she still had mouth open.ftom.where tubes were put down there

OP posts: