AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

[Whatwouldyoudo26]

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

Run!!! Run!

YANBU to be disappointed. But YABU to have stuck with it this long - he has clearly shown you what he is like and you keep putting up with him.

He is a parasite, albeit a charming one. Bin.

There’s dumping a guy because he’s not a banker on £200k and there’s dumping a guy because he’s a middle-aged freeloading future-faking fantasist

As others have said, you don’t have to give him any explanation whatsoever. You just say that it’s not working for you and goodbye.

Looking at your original AIBU question - whether or not you would be unreasonable for dumping him for financial reasons- well, aside from the fact that you are entitled to dump anyone for any reason you like, I don’t really think you were asking that, were you? I get the impression that you are not the materialistic type particularly. It isn’t the money for you, is it? It’s the constant disappointments. It would be the same for me.

You honestly deserve so much more than this man xxx

I suspect the issue is in the disconnect between the title and the actual post. You feel like a meanie for breaking up with someone for financial reasons. But you have described someone who is dishonest and discourteous, particularly about money.
A courteous but very impoverished man who ended up driving someone else's car across a toll bridge and unable to pay would swallow his pride and admit it so that you could pay the £2.60 and avoid the fine. Most men would find the £2.60 or not borrow the car. It takes a special kind of ego to land you with the non payment fine to avoid bruising his own ego or inconveniencing himself to find the £2.60.
That man is discourteous. u
You could just break up with him for bring poor, it is allowed. Your moral code seems to be chastising you for that. So break up with him for being discourteous, disrespectful, selfish, whatever chimes with you. You don't actually need to justify it to him, it isn't a negotiation!

He knows what he is doing and I hope you realise that the empty promises are his lifeline at keeping you in his life. He’s a bum OP and will not change. Get rid of old baggage I say and enter 2025 and live your best life! 🙂 you CAN do it and won’t regret it. As women we waste years of our life on bums and can’t ever get that time back again. Is being single such a bad alternative than to stay with this total freeloading jerk? Honestly, this would be a massive turnoff for me and I would get the ick everytime I looked at his face.

Totally unnecessary comment

This is too much and he doesn’t have youth as an excuse.

OMG he is 40 and acting like a 17 year old.

You need to run OP. He will never change and you deserve better.

The issue here is nothing to do with money. It’s how irresponsible he is and how he keeps letting you down.

I would tell him that you have had some great times but for a long term relationship you need team work, equality and stability. You don’t need fancy restaurants and hotels but you can’t be with someone who doesn’t pay their share of rent, doesn’t take responsibility for fines that you are left with , and leaves you feeling taken for granted and ripped off.

Then don’t engage in ifs and buts just say ‘mind made up, no point in dragging this out’

You have very different financial goals. His is to be a leech.

Kick him out.

Well this is the first cocklodger thread I have read where the cocklodger moved out when asked, well done, your mistake was to keep letting him sponge off you.

I wonder if he does have the money but is an extreme cheapskate.
My ex had a very good job but would never pay for anything while I was a young single mum 10 years younger funding his meals out. I got the ick one time and walked out and left him with the bill for once.

Stop wasting your life and money on this idiot. Get rid now. You’re being taken for a ride.

@Whatwouldyoudo26 he's a cocklodger and always will be. You've been so compliant he's now hoping you'll finance his DC's holidays too. And that's just the start of it.

He's taking money that should be spent on OP and her child.

He's disgraceful.

And so's she for allowing it to happen.

Similar story here. And mine did the unplanned move in thing too. Get rid, OP, get rid now.

The most useful input is often short.
It isn't the money OP, get rid.

This is never going to get any better.

Finish with him.

Raise your bar.

Just be honest with him. You like him and find him fun, great company but you can’t tolerate his disorganisation and disrespect with cash, the lack of rent and paying the bridge fine, the promised special occasions that never materialise.

Come on @Whatwouldyoudo26 , read all of that back to yourself and imagine someone else wrote it.
He doesn't have good intentions. It's completely obvious. He's sponging off you, unashamedly.

I’m not remotely materialistic and have earned more than everyone I’ve dated long term (except my husband). I would still not put up with this. This isn’t about him not earning much - this is a 40 year old being totally irresponsible and / or tight and unable to manage basics.