AIBU to leave a man because of financial reasons

[Whatwouldyoudo26]

(Apologies with how long this is, trying to sum it all up)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.

He's funny, affectionate, social, good communication etc. I'm just struggling with the financial situation that is making me want to break it off.

So I'm 26 and he's 40. He quickly moved in with me when he didn't actually have his own place.. not planned but just happened.

He promised to pay towards rent, only did for less than 2 months. He was then asked to leave because he kept promising payment that never came.

Fast forward and we're still seeing each other, only it's nice to have my home back.

He then took my car over a toll bridge and didn't even have the £2.60 to come back over it again - I then got lumbard with the £60 fine. I kept asking for him to pay, he never did.

We went for a meal with his friends that he said he was paying for. I ended up having to foot the bill with him saying he'll pay me the next day as the money hasn't gone in his account or something, he never did.

He then promised he will pay for a set of nails in return for a big favour I did for him and nothing despite having asked since. This might sound trivial but it's the whole saying things and never going through with any of it.

He showed me where we were going to go on a family holiday (I have one child, he has two) - in the end his children's mum took them instead because she probably knows what he's like!!

He showed my parents this beautiful hotel he said he was going to take me to as my birthday treat back in July. Still waiting. Although before this he got me excited showing me a different trip up country and enjoyed telling everyone about it without delivering on it.
Heck, there's even a restaurant he said he will take me to for our first date.. still waiting.

I do feel he's got good intentions but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with a carrot dangling. He hasn't written any of these things off, it's still in the pipeline because they cost money. Fair enough I thought as I like him for him (clearly not his wallet!) but it doesn't stop me feeling let down and disheartened by it all.

I feel like I've spent the year of our relationship just waiting for things to happen. Coming to me excited about things and holidays only for nothing to ever materialise - I'd rather him just not mention it at all than get my hopes up.

Now he wants to book for us to go to a hotel for New Year's Eve. Of course I would love this but with him owing me money (and other people money), I'd feel more respected if he sends that back to me than keep splashing the cash. Honestly I think I'm going to feel rather resentful if I do accept the hotel offer before he has paid me back what I'm well overdue.

Do I just end things here? I have quite a list accumulating and I keep holding on for the best but not sure how much longer I can carry on.

YABU - you like him as a person and I should be more understanding over the current financial situation.

YANBU - it's not fair to feel consistently let down through empty promises.

@GG1986
Thats so upsetting to read … though I’m glad he is gone now …. My friend still has her resident CL , I despair of her .

Don't worry about the perfect explanation, just dump him.

And no to New Years hotel....unless you want to pay?!

You're not silly for finding it hard. There's obviously some stuff that's likeable about him or you wouldn't be with him. You're making a strong decision for you and your kid.

If you’re only with him a year and have any form of a negative list I don’t think you are suited.

You don’t need a reason except to say you feel it’s no longer working out. Maybe use the New Year as an excuse. Ie, you've re-evaluated what you want going forward, and he doesn’t picture in it.

Get rid. He'll just drain you, financially and emotionally.

get rid of the cocklodger

I'd just say "This isn't working for me anymore. I know it's going to seem sudden to you but I've been thinking about it for a while and that's where I am."

(£5 says his first response is "is it the money?" or similar. If it is, be strong!)

I dated someone who kept promising things but didn't deliver. It didn't improve and we never did any of the things he "dangled".

Please please please for the love of God, stop thinking you still have to be nice to this dickhead freeloading cocklodger!

Just dump and block him asap.

He’s a grifter and will quickly move onto his next victim and declare undying love and tell her how he’s never met anyone quite like her. She’s so special and she must feel the chemistry they have together, yadda, yadda, yadda… 🙄

Yanbu he should be humiliated I'm almost his age and if I was mooching off a 20 something I'd hang my head in shame.
You need to be able to trust a partner and his word is worth nothing. Get rid of him.

I can only assume the sec is good because why else are you still with this person

He's using you, get rid - you owe it to yourself.

He sounds like a total bum and an unattractive freeloader. You will never get paid and he will resent you anytime he puts his hand into his moth ridden pockets. Do yourself a massive favour as we head into 2025 and get rid girl! You deserve BETTER and I sure as hell would much rather stay single than have that baggage of a freeloader chained to my ankles.
Have ‘the talk’ and tell him to forget his false promises, pay up and then dump him. Good luck - you got this!

Didn't read past "I'm 26 and he's 40".. Said it all really.
But if you have to post this you obviously aren't that invested so just dump and move on.

Just reel off the list of things he has said (and not done) plus the money he owes you.

I think he would be hard pushed to disagree with you tbh when he sees it all in black and white.

He’s got lots of big ideas about all the fun stuff he’d like to do in his head. Unfortunately he doesn’t have the means to do any of it - and if he’s still this skint at 40, he’ll always be skint.

You don't need to explain anything to him pet. You want to end the relationship, that's all he needs to know. There's no point anyway, he won't change.
However, if you really feel the need, tell him he's a freeloading gobshite, you've had enough of his empty promises and he owes you £x. That's the truth of it after all.

Sorry OP, he doesn’t have good intentions, he has bullshit and lies to keep you dangling on hoping he’ll change.

He’s shown you what he’s like, believe him.

you're a sugar mama to a middle aged man at the age of 26? That is kinda funny. In a non-haha way.

How to approach the conversation? There doesn't need to be an approach or particular explanation. Just say you feel like you're in different phases of life and feel like you're not a good match. if you want you can say you feel taken advatage of with the financial situation and you'd rather not continue the relationship. Then cut contact.

Freeloader!!

This is kinda baffling at his age - does he have a drug problem? Gambling? Any chance he’s married?

Either way he needs to go. He’s taking advantage of you.

Most importantly, you don’t need to justify why you’re breaking up. My DP is a lovely person and for a while I was considering breaking up because of this - he never delivered on anything. That’s more than reason enough. Being consistently let down is horrible.

He's just talking the talk, none of it is real. It's how he would like to seem, but always empty promises, a fantasy in his head. Well done for getting him to move out. Now time to move on.

How about..."Get away from me you fucking pond life!" ? Bit strong?

You really don't need to explain anything to him. It's not working for you anymore is enough.

It dosen't really have to be a conversation. You can just tell him the relationship isn't working for you. If he asks why, you can tell him he's financially irresponsible and you won't put up with that.

How about the fact that he's a freeloading liar?