Unreasonable on dog walk

[Hatexmasdinner]

Myself, DH, DD (10) and DDog were out for a dog walk this morning. DDog tried to lay down to say hi to another dog. She was on a slip lead and my DH then popped said lead and sent her literally flying. My reaction was "oh my god" as I got a fright and DD said that it was a bit harsh. He then thrust the lead at me and stormed off. Didn't walk with us for the remaining 40 mins of walk. We got back to house and he came into the room and had a go at me for undermining him. At this point I lost it as I thought his behaviour was completely out of order, both the treatment of DDog and in front of DD. AIBU as he's now giving me silent treatment all day?

What an utter fucking arsehole. Keep him away from your dog.

This. I bet this isn't his only abusive trait.

@Toenailz

Very well explained.

@Hatexmasdinner

and you are married to a bully.

Slip leads do have a place, they're quick and easy to get on and off, which is why they are sometimes used in vets or kennels to move a dog safely and quickly from A to B. Or you might keep one by the front door if your dog can't be relied on not to dart out. That's what @Toenailz means by used for safety. But they're not safe to be used on walks.

More generally, maybe your DH was brought up to think that that's the way to train a dog and he's unaware that there's been massive research into how dogs learn and that training methods have changed accordingly. If he's not swayed by dog welfare arguments, you could point out that organisations such as Guide Dogs have completely switched to force free training because it's been shown to be more effective and they can't afford not to.

It's always good to be shown these methods in person by a qualified trainer but there are plenty of online videos to give you an idea. Dogs Trust do some basic ones and Kikopup is worth a look too.

I think slip leads are used as they are very quick to put on and off, but they definitely shouldn’t be yanked.

Sounds like he realised he'd been too harsh on the dog, felt bad, then took it out on you. Pretty immature behaviour. I'd have to say my piece but then drop it. If he did it again, I'd be quite angry.

That's not what dogs go out for and dogs don't need to say 'hello' to every dog they meet. It is dog owners like you that cause problems. My dog has been attacked 3 times by dogs that the owner has said 'he/she just wants to say hello!'

Dog don't need to greet each other. Dogs should be allowed to socialise if appropriate safely with dogs they are familiar with.

A slip lead can be a useful and safe training tool when used correctly.
Your husband reacted poorly but unless he has previous form for being cruel the dog then I would put it down to a mistake. If he does have previous form then you have bigger issues to deal with.

Edit: I should have quoted 'stargazerlil', first part of post is a response to their post

He wouldn’t be anywhere near my dog again.

So a slip lead is the same as a choke chain. How cruel. You should be rethinking if a dog is for you.

Was it a training session? Did he accompany the action with a word?

Either way he's being an arse to you.

Quoting this so OP doesn't miss it.

@Hatexmasdinner get rid of that lead and stop strangling your dog on a daily basis.

I have been reading all the responses. I didn't want to get a slip lead and did object for a while but the dog had pulled me off my feet on two occasions with normal lead/harness. We spoke to a friend who is a vet and also the trainer who did her training classes and they both recommended a slip lead which is why I agreed to it but these responses are giving me a lot to think about.

I agree!

OP, your DH sounds like a nasty piece of work.

@Cluckycluck - of course meeting other dogs is an important part of a walk. Dogs are generally sociable creatures and usually enjoy interacting with each other. I’m sorry your dog has been attacked 3 times, that’s really bad luck. My dog is 10 and is walked daily off lead in the forest and I’ve never had a problem with other dogs saying hello to her or vice versa, nor have any of my friends who own dogs. However I’ve definitely noticed an increase in poorly trained, reactive dogs since lockdown. Thankfully these dogs are usually kept on a lead even in open forest areas and if I come across one I will put my dog’s lead on and will not allow her to interact with them.

Agree with previous posters, this doesn't like an appropriate use of a slip lead. You need to stop using the slip lead you will create more problem for yourself and your dog will suffer. You husband has acted cruelly by applying so much force. I wouldn't accept this from your husband and you need to do better for your poor dog.

Your poor dog-

Is your husband an experienced dog owner?
Because if he treated your dog like that when your dog was displaying submissive behaviour to send a message to the dog she wanted to say hello to-all completely appropriate- and he treated her so abusively what would he do in a situation where there was an actual problem or danger?

His behaviour subsequently was also a worry-we all act hastily/make mistakes and then we own up to them and learn.
He is more concerned about his loss of face than anything else and is being ridiculous. He is the one that set the poor example for your child and he should be apologising to both of you. and the dog

Your husband is a dickhead. He sounds like a bully and a big baby. Your poor dog. You have a choice, your dog doesn't.

A dog headcollar is kinder to use if your dog pulls, or a harness that you clip the lead to the centre of the chest.

Has the slip lead been working ok for you all up until this incident? If so why change it based on opinions online? Your vet/trainer suggested it so surely if it’s been ok stay with the professional opinion.

First things first, get rid of the slip lead. They're cruel and aversive, the only way they have any effect is by causing discomfort or pain to the dog. Train the dog instead.

Then get rid of the husband. If he just made a genuine mistake and was a bit heavy handed with the dog, he would be contrite and apologetic, not hostilely ignoring you because you called him out on it.

I recommend a perfect fit harness. It's got a ring on the back and the chest so you can attach two leads (or one double ended lead) to it, the ring on the chest means you can control the front end of the dog better and prevent it from pulling you over. As the dog gets better trained you can just use the ring on the back.

Look at the Facebook group dog training advice and support - Lots of force free training guides. I used those along with clicker training and got my large dog to walk perfectly on the lead within about a week.

Does he display other controlling and abusive behaviour? Or is this at one off?

After I read your post, I was more concerned with how your DH treated you and your DD than your DDog. I tend to think you are in an abusive relationship.

”He then thrust the lead at me and stormed off. Didn't walk with us for the remaining 40 mins of walk. We got back to house and he came into the room and had a go at me for undermining him. At this point I lost it as I thought his behaviour was completely out of order, both the treatment of DDog and in front of DD. AIBU as he's now giving me silent treatment all day?”

I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years. I have recently freed myself, my children and my dogs from the abuse. I would suggest that you start a journal and keeping track of these outbursts so that you can see if this is abuse or a one time incident. It is very hard to believe that you DH can be abusive. It took me 6 years to actually believe it after my therapist told me that I was being emotionally and verbally abused. I kept a journal and I was able to eventually see the toxic cycle that I was in.

Dogs do not go out to "say hello" and I am fed up to the back teeth of people who think that allowing their dog to do whatever the hell it wants when my service dog is working - including attacking him ("oo, he's never done that before" - of course he has) - is ok. Your dog should be trained not to approach any other dog unless the owner of that dog has said they are ok with it - and you check first, keeping your dog under control until they have agreed. And while I am on the subject, an extending lead fully extended with the dog yanking the owner in all direction is not only NOT under control, but is very dangerous.

That was a bad move
On his part unless there was an issue. Dog was being submissive to socialise I'd guess, or doing the play bow. Dog needs to socialise so just let her do the dog thing.