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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask who pissed you off this Christmas?

218 replies

Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 16:37

My BIL has just left and was such a grumpy sod for the whole time he was here. 🙄 I wanted to shake him but DH told me to just leave it, it's just what he's like... and don't I know that's true!!

What about you? Who got on your nerves?

OP posts:
Daisyvodka · 27/12/2024 18:30

My brother, who my mother tells me is so kind and thoughtful yet sits on his arse and never offers to help and let's himself be waited on with drinks etc.
I have challenged her on it privately (Christmas is already a bit tense so I don't confront him or he will simply withdraw which will ruin Christmas for my mum) but just get 'he needs to relax'.

Verv · 27/12/2024 18:30

My father, who contributed preciscely fuck-all bar sitting on his arse doing nothing pouting and demanding to be fed at 8.30am 1pm and 6.30pm while being rude, dismissive, and hanging about in stony silence like a dark cloud sighing loudly.

Didnt buy anyone any gifts, told everyone he "doesnt do christmas" so i bought people gifts on his behalf, which displeased him, and he was given gifts, which also displeased him and led to a fucking lecture about consumerism, although i note he's consumed the commestibles that were given to him.

Other particularly notable treats were telling a kid that whenever she used the full flush and not the half flush on a toilet she was murdering african children and telling me that come new year "WE" are going to get me on a diet - because i was eating some trifle, on boxing day. Im nearly 50, and when his pal phoned to wish him a happy christmas and ask how his day was going he replied loudly that it was all "well, very difficult, cant say anything because the walls have ears but its all very difficult"

In between those gems hes been asking "ALEXA" the time and the weather hourly, because he likes to treat a machine like his arse wiper and cant look at the clock right above the echo dot or out of the fucking window like any normal person.

I was WFH today and hes been mithering about spare ribs for a week, so at 12.30 he starts hanging over my shoulder in the office mithering (DP and kiddo have made a sensible exit and gone out for a wander into town) so i've made him spare ribs.
Not good enough so he then got into a mood because i'd made him spare ribs and refused to eat any of them.

I really dislike him, but my mothers end of days wish was to "look after your father" so here we all are.

Threetrees745 · 27/12/2024 18:30

My MIL. After hosting her for hours, pouring her champagne, buying her jewellery as her Christmas present and cooking a five course meal whilst looking after two children she proceeded to cry to my husband that she doesn't feel welcome in our house. Thankfully my husband told her where to go as she does this sort of attention seeking behaviour every time she has a drink and then claims she can't remember the next day.

She also told my mum that she hopes my next child is a boy as she doesn't like girls. I have not long given birth to a beautiful baby girl (her grandchild, my first born and my husband's second child).

She also had a go at my mum because she got it in her head that me and my mum go out on girly days and don't invite her along. Considering I have not long given birth, we don't actually go out that much and even if we did, it's completely beyond me why she feels she is entitled to an invitation.

Jifmicroliquid · 27/12/2024 18:31

VodkaCola · 27/12/2024 18:29

You should have taken them back.

What did your friend do and say?

In fairness, my friend did have a word with her. It was awkward though. I don’t have much spare cash but I always buy her children decent gifts.

Crazycatlady79 · 27/12/2024 18:31

My ex husband.

Sounds really petty, but I'm fucking fuming that he got his eldest 4 DC something for Christmas AND bought himself a Christmas present, but did absolutely NOTHING for my 2.

I'm not grabby and it's about the total lack of thought for my 2 AND having told them a week before Christmas that he was getting them bikes.

Nannylovesshopping · 27/12/2024 18:37

I am so glad I am single, my choice, some of the husbands on this thread should all be under the patio, castrated and/or shot!
Why do you good women put up with being so disrespected, bullied and abused?

ShinyPrettyThings87 · 27/12/2024 18:38

DM, I got so fed up of listening to her passive aggressive quips about my sister that I hung up on her. Everything fine when I saw her later but she likes to only ever talk her medical condition. Not interested in anyone/anything else. I wish she'd get a hobby.

DSis, as above, yes, extremely flakey. Selfish. Tired all the time but doesn't do anything. Didn't even take basic decorations or a small tree to our lodge getaway. I had to give her some of mine, for the kids sake. Agrees to a family buffet but brings nothing and leaves with two plates. Others brought stuff, as planned. I have no expectations of her and so don't let her bother me too much nowadays.

DB, siblings and DF went to drop presents off and he greeted them with a mouthful about them not listening. (The day before, he said no one was to go as he and SIL were having a nap. Somehow that meant 'dont come round for a few days'.)

DH, he's great in many ways but extremely boring. Sits with his back to me and his idea of small talk is three sentences, dragged out over an hour, about boring shit. I've been in son's room for an hour and he's probably not even noticed I've left the sofa. He was so good before going to work long distance. Now he's turned into the older men he sees more often than his family. Took him an hour to make a salad...

Would give my right leg to have a warm, loving family. To have a DH who doesn't treat me like I'm invisible. Yes, he makes me cuppas and offers snacks etc... but I might aswell be his sister as far as any relationship goes.
I'm just so friggen tired.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2024 18:38

@purplecorkheart so did you get it back or did your SIL keep it?

purplecorkheart · 27/12/2024 18:39

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2024 18:38

@purplecorkheart so did you get it back or did your SIL keep it?

Thank you for caring. I did. I am now the scum of the earth but I have it back.

murasaki · 27/12/2024 18:40

purplecorkheart · 27/12/2024 18:39

Thank you for caring. I did. I am now the scum of the earth but I have it back.

Well done.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 27/12/2024 18:41

My sister & her performance entertaining
Yes, everyone else noticed the gifts she bought for overseas visitors where significantly more thoughtful & expensive than those for local family.
We also got to leave early so she & her OH could get stuck into the alcohol for the night, with visitors posting frequent pics online. Alcohol bought by my Dad, including his favourites & he wasn't driving.

TypingoftheDead · 27/12/2024 18:43

purplecorkheart · 27/12/2024 18:39

Thank you for caring. I did. I am now the scum of the earth but I have it back.

Glad you did. Not exactly the same, but I gave some presents to my aunt once to pass onto a cousin, and next time I saw her she’d shared them out with said cousin and some of the family kids, but without asking if that would be ok. Pissed me right off because I hadn’t bought them for others to share, but I couldn’t do anything by then.

DowntonNabby · 27/12/2024 18:47

purplecorkheart · 27/12/2024 18:22

Oh I did believe me. I am just so hurt about how little I mattered. This lady has been part of my life for nearly 40 years. I am basically her main carer but still my mother had more time for her sil than her daughter.

You took the present back though, didn't you?

DowntonNabby · 27/12/2024 18:48

DowntonNabby · 27/12/2024 18:47

You took the present back though, didn't you?

Ah, just seen that you did. Well done!

Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:49

LouH1981 · 27/12/2024 17:02

I’ve been there and I get it.
I was the one of two siblings who made the effort and bothered with my Dad. He passed away when he was 69 after 10 years with early onset Alzheimer’s.

I also remember the first of four Christmas’ when my Dad was in a care home. He couldn’t really communicate and was deep in the throes of the disease. It is cruel and heartbreaking but I also went by the idea that I didn’t know for definite how much he understood so I would continue to make as much effort as I could each Christmas/ Birthday or visit actually because if there were any moments of lucidity then he would appreciate it.
At least you know you have given her a lovely Christmas and you have made memories for you xx
Please also don’t forget Alzheimers patients often remember music so you can play Christmas music for her and she may also recognise familiar Christmas smells xx
It’s so wonderful that she has you by her side. Sending lots of love - I know how tough it is xxx

So well put @LouH1981 ❤️

OP posts:
Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:50

NoBodyIdRatherBe · 27/12/2024 17:03

MIL is obsessed with cooking/what we eat. From the literal moment we arrived on holiday it has dictated every move we all make. She has told what we can and can’t eat, she has been going on about how tiny she is and how it’s hard to buy clothes so small! She is now cooking food for everyone, which she will do for every meal with no consideration for what others want to eat what time suits people or that we just don’t want our whole holiday to be talking about, buying and prepping food. It’s suffocating. We’re never on time for anything because of the food prep. We are also not allowed to drink alcohol or eat anything unhealthy without a lecture. I’m currently secretly drinking cocktails and trying to pass it off as juice and I have chocolate hidden in my coat.

Goodness how awful... I have a dear friend with an ED and this is their life too... I'm sure MIL will never call it that. Go steady x

OP posts:
Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:52

bradypuss · 27/12/2024 17:05

We didnt see my parents over Xmas as planned as we've had flu and my dad is on chemo so didn't want to infect anyone .
So they arranged to go to my brother's....
My brother and family all were ill
Idiots

Ugh! It's infuriating when people make stupid choices!! I hope your dad stays well.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 27/12/2024 18:52

My mum. She won't lift a finger, not even to make a cup of tea for herself when she likes to have a constant stream, and has started using a very annoying phrase when she's offered anything to eat or drink (other than tea) - "I've had sufficient." The delivery is so po-faced, so it really feels like she's judging overindulgence on everyone else's part. She only likes to watch things she's seen before so she knows there'll be no swearing or hint of sex.

She's a bloody pain, but we wouldn't have Christmas without her.

Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:53

BlackBean2023 · 27/12/2024 17:08

My mum, and I haven't seen her yet. She lives 2 hours away and has made a fuss about us not going there this Xmas so we've cancelled work/other plans to go up tomorrow and Sunday.

She phoned today to say her friends are coming too and she's booked us into an expensive restaurant for lunch (we'll be expected to pay for our family).

So now we have to drive for two hours to spend the day with my mum and her friends and it'll cost us the best part of £100.

If the kids weren't looking forward to seeing her I'd be staying home and may still develop a nasty stomach flu in the next 24 hours

There are some awful bugs going around🤫

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 27/12/2024 18:54

Lord some people on here have had to deal with right f=€$-ers. But before Christmas there were threads about why on earth would people spend Christmas on their own.

Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:54

Onlinemum22 · 27/12/2024 17:10

Our friends arrived this week with their two kids, forgetting the medicated feed for their sick baby. We had a delivery in the middle of the night from emergency services to drop medical equipment off, which turned out to be wrong anyway.
Then we had to wait Xmas day whilst the mum rang everywhere they could think of to get medicated feed... finally tracked some down and I drove her as her husband/ babies dad had started drinking.
The mum has looked after the children the whole time by herself. Dad just sits around with food and drinks we provide, manages to wee all around the toilet everytime he goes, never helps with anything and sleeps in until midday everyday.
House is carnage...
I'm so upset for my friend that she has to deal with this disaster of a husband.

Oh goodness 😟 maybe this is the start of a wake up call for one or both of them.

OP posts:
Fedupfrankly · 27/12/2024 18:56

falalalalalalalalalala · 27/12/2024 17:13

MIL
SIL

DH has a brain tumour, he's recently finished a course of radiotherapy and now having chemo, he's just amazing and carries on without any fuss but he was feeling crappy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
MIL never, ever messages or rings to ask how he is. All Christmas Day she waffled on about her various health problems. I wanted to scream at her to stop being so self absorbed and show some compassion for her own son,

SIL just completely blanks us, doesn't like the attention being taken away from her (very much like her mother in this respect). We never see her at Christmas but received nothing from her and no messages, just a quick how are things? would have been nice but nothing. I always try and send her something nice and have had no acknowledgement. I'm resisting the urge to be petty and message to ask if her parcel arrived.

On the plus side, DH is responding really well to treatment and we have had my lovely supportive family here, so I am focusing my love and attention on them. I have no time for DHs family, they can just fuck off quite frankly,

Yes, they can fuck off indeed.

OP posts:
RabbitsRock · 27/12/2024 19:01

FrogOnAYuleLog can’t believe that! I agree with a pp - send the family member home again! The last thing you want is a sickness bug!

purplecorkheart · 27/12/2024 19:03

TypingoftheDead · 27/12/2024 18:43

Glad you did. Not exactly the same, but I gave some presents to my aunt once to pass onto a cousin, and next time I saw her she’d shared them out with said cousin and some of the family kids, but without asking if that would be ok. Pissed me right off because I hadn’t bought them for others to share, but I couldn’t do anything by then.

I understand entirely. I am angry on your behalf. Many many people will not understand how hurtful it is to be dismissed as nothing but I understand.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 27/12/2024 19:05

Thé woman who chose to put a card through my elderly mother's door on Christmas Eve demanding that she leave her alone. They've been friends for years, and she ghosted her this year for no obvious reason.

Ma was worried she might be depressed (experience of this in the family) so had rung a couple of times and popped a gently worded card in her door to let her know she is there for her if she needs- hardly stalking her.

For all she knew my Mum was alone this year. Grrrr.

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