I'm an actual idiot.

[Meandmymouth]

I'm expected to be ripped a new one.

Been on 4 dates with a man, last date was in his place. Cuddled like we was in a relationship (kissing the top of my head) etc. I know we're not in a relationship but trying to give you the picture of how close we became.

Christmas eve he'd messaged in the morning. I was so busy, then around 5ish he'd text again saying "Take it that it's been a busy day x" As i hadn't replied to his first message. I got back to him & apologised as I'd been busy. Felt bad that I'd ignored his first message.

I knew he was going to visit family on Christmas day. He sent me a message Christmas day, I replied 12pm, he totally ignored me, (no probs he's busy I assume) I was too with it being Christmas. 22 hours later still no response & I'd seen he'd been online repeatedly.

Here's where I am a knob. I messaged & said its a bit of a double standard isn't it, you made a jokey dig about me being busy but you fall of the face of the earth & ignore me. It definitely come across worse than I meant it.

Now he thinks I'm some crank & I feel like an actual twat. I just think it's so so rude to ignore someone for 22 hours but then have a pop at that person the day before for them not replying for a few hours. In my eyes it's a boundary that I have. Just say you're busy, don't ignore & then repeatedly be online.

First world problems I know. But it's playing on my mind so much. I text & apologised for kicking up a fuss. He's not replied & I don't think he ever will now. I have to see him again due to mutual friends. So I know I've been unreasonable but needed to vent. I'm ready to be told I'm an idiot.

Try to not stress over this , he could have apologised or whatever instead if ignoring you further. If he's going to act like that just over what you said , is this a relationship you'd want to consider anyway?

It would have taken you 5 seconds to reply on Christmas Eve to say hi and that you were doing stuff, but you'd check in again later. It would have taken him 5 seconds to reply to you on Christmas day to say the same.

If you both couldn't be arsed taking 5 seconds then, it's not worth beating yourself up over it for days now.

He'll pop back up, they always do. But when he does, remember that you both couldn't be arsed.

You're so right. I'm just going over it thinking he hasn't replied because I ended it with "Take care x" after saying sorry. So I suppose I did end the thing. I don't want him to chase me, I cba with all that. A lot of people are saying it's only been 4 dates, I get that. But I don't date for fun, I have to seriously like the person before hand to even consider a date with them. X

Your friend is very wise!

He'll pop back up, they always do.

They don't always at all.

Why do peoole always post this?

Take the guesswork out of it and just phone him. Texting leaves way too much space for misunderstanding. Every relationship goes through early wobbles, these are always best sorted with an honest and calm conversation. A sense of humour always helps also.

I think your friend is right.

You did go off on one a bit, but I think if he were the right person, he would have reflected on how his own message from Chritmas Eve could have been misinterpreted to elicit that reaction from you and tried to rectify it or at least put it down to a misunderstanding.

Your communication style seems out of kilter, which wouldn't bode well. I'd also take this as a lesson about messaging with someone you don't know very well yet (bit might feel that you do) - it's so easy to misconstrue the other person and also for your own words to be misconstrued.

It's a shame, but all you can do us dust yourself off and learn from it. We all make mistakes and make bad impressions at times - it's part of being human.

Well for anyone who's wondering. I stupidly caved and text again!! Idiot I know. Because I didn't realise I'd had two things booked where he'd be & I was dying at the thought of seeing him again.

I just said, look I've got two things booked where you'll be, I know your no response a response & I'm fine with that but I'm actually cringing at the thought of bumping in to you. I do apologise again for how i said what I said & this will be the last text.

He replied, "I didn't reply as it wasn't the right thing to do, it's fine x" don't know what he means by that but I've sent my final text & that's done. X

Eek, you totally overreacted.

I thought you had deleted his number?

Kindly, this is way too much drama for four dates. You really do need to let it go and chalk it up to experience.
However, I suspect that will not be your last text.

Stop messaging him now.

if you up into him, then say ‘hi’ and see how the conversation goes.

Other than that, leave it….

If this was a man messaging a woman everyone would be saying it was a red flag. Just leave him be and move on.

i am cringing at the fact you messaged him again.

You keep saying it’s the final text. He doesn’t care so delete the texts and his number.

You sabotaged it by being dramatic and you still shut it down again by saying it’s the last text. Seems you still expected him to chase.

You were obviously going to text again. Seriously, stop being so needy for attention and leave the guy alone. You can't shoehorn your way into someone's life by hassling them. The opposite will happen.

Nobody is cringing more than me. Trust me. But I've got to see him today & Tuesday & I really don't want too without getting what I said off my chest.

I won't be going back to the place we both go after Tuesday anyway, but trust me I am cringing myself to death & I know everyone here will tell me I'm an idiot. They're right! But no way was I planning on seeing him with all that worry. Now I'm not as worried.

At least you feel better now bumping into him again, just put it behind you

Honestly I didn't text him for a reply. I text because I didn't realise I'd be seeing him today & Tuesday & I couldn't get out of it. The thought of seeing him again was making me anxious.

Anyway, it turns out he has form for texting women in this place because my coach has just said he done this to another woman not to long ago. So he's blocked. And yes I'm I'm agreement I shouldn't have text again! 100% in agreement. Its done, cannot be taken back. I'm gonna leave this thread now, because I don't have the energy to be told how stupid I am on repeat. Even though I agree.

You mentioned seeing him in your earlier posts so you knew you would be around him but oh well.

I honestly wouldn't dwell on thinking you did the wrong thing. Try to understand yourself, who you are and what you want. It's absolutely fine to be sensitive, to over think, to have express your feelings.

This man is simply not for you, he wouldn't be for me either. Maybe he'll find the perfect 'cool girl' for him who sends all the funniest, slickest texts and doesn't have a care in the world when he doesn't reply.
So what...

Also you described him being intimate and caring in a way that we can't understand from dissecting your text messages, and I would guess you were spot on with what he did. So yes, your mistake in my view was apologising. But it's not a 'mistake' - it's just who you are. Sensitive, over thinking, probably desperate to have people like you, to want you. Probably you've encountered a lot of these high and mighty game playing men. I would suggest trying to find a new type of man, look elsewhere to where you have before. You are who you are and if you want to be truly happy you need to find someone compatible with you. So it's in your interests to move on from this one. It doesn't matter what he thinks.

Ugh! I’ve been there. Didn’t read the signs. Kept giving benefit of the doubt. Now stuck in a long term relationship where regularly feel anxious, insecure and needy. Was never like this in relationships before.

Please don’t be me. Drop this one now and run. A much better match is waiting for you.

Jeez I didn’t think you were batshit and he probably didn’t but this last text is too much. Delete his number and the previous texts. Because you are going to get the bunny boiler badge if you send any more.

I reckon he will be back and you will hear from him or he will act different when you see him. I hear this many times with friends and if he is a particular type of person (i suspect he is) then he will be playing on your insecurities again.

I think 4 dates in you overreacted. Yes, it would only take a minute to reply to your text but as it was Christmas Day and he was with his family I can see how he might’ve got distracted.

Perhaps he doesn’t check/ use his phone much when he is in social situations. That would be a major plus point for me