I'm an actual idiot.

[Meandmymouth]

I'm expected to be ripped a new one.

Been on 4 dates with a man, last date was in his place. Cuddled like we was in a relationship (kissing the top of my head) etc. I know we're not in a relationship but trying to give you the picture of how close we became.

Christmas eve he'd messaged in the morning. I was so busy, then around 5ish he'd text again saying "Take it that it's been a busy day x" As i hadn't replied to his first message. I got back to him & apologised as I'd been busy. Felt bad that I'd ignored his first message.

I knew he was going to visit family on Christmas day. He sent me a message Christmas day, I replied 12pm, he totally ignored me, (no probs he's busy I assume) I was too with it being Christmas. 22 hours later still no response & I'd seen he'd been online repeatedly.

Here's where I am a knob. I messaged & said its a bit of a double standard isn't it, you made a jokey dig about me being busy but you fall of the face of the earth & ignore me. It definitely come across worse than I meant it.

Now he thinks I'm some crank & I feel like an actual twat. I just think it's so so rude to ignore someone for 22 hours but then have a pop at that person the day before for them not replying for a few hours. In my eyes it's a boundary that I have. Just say you're busy, don't ignore & then repeatedly be online.

First world problems I know. But it's playing on my mind so much. I text & apologised for kicking up a fuss. He's not replied & I don't think he ever will now. I have to see him again due to mutual friends. So I know I've been unreasonable but needed to vent. I'm ready to be told I'm an idiot.

There’s a great book called “attached” and it explains attachment styles. Changed my life regarding personalities… sometimes two people bring out the worst in each other from an attachment style perspective but you and someone else would be more complementary… it goes back to our childhoods usually and there’s no need to beat yourself up for how you react to how someone else.. you’re simply not a compatible match. Just like orange juice and milk. They make a horrible drink but put choc in the milk and it’s lovely!

nobody is evil here. Just not compatible probably. Let it go and learn about yourself and who you are most suited to. I’ve been batshit with some guys when dating and some have been batshit with me. I couldn’t tell you their names now so he’s not going to write his autobiography with you in it 😂.

Honestly, I don’t think he did anything wrong. You’ve massively overreacted.

So what if he left you on read for 22 hours? It was Christmas Day and presumably he was with his family. He’d contacted you in the morning and you’d replied. That’s more than enough for a very casual new relationship. Were you expecting him to be chatting to you on and off all day?

Can I suggest you disable the whole “Online” and “Last Seen” bollocks? It just feeds that obsessive desire to check if the recipient of your message is chatting to other people and makes you feel
insecure. Watching and waiting for a reply isn’t healthy.

As you can tell, by my replies to most posts I've received. I'm well aware I've overreacted. I have done nothing but pick myself apart since it happened. I've also apologised to him. I still stand by that I think it's ignorant to leave me on read for that long though.

There's literally nothing else I can do to rectify opening my mouth other than say sorry. Which I have done. I've said he's well within his rights to never reply too me. Which I'm certain he won't.

But it's still rude to not reply to me. I'm entitled to feel that way & voice that. Albeit in a better way than I did. But it's happened, I've made a daft mistake & now he doesn't wanna know me & I'll have to just accept that. I haven't murdered someone.

I think you’re being too harsh on yourself.

OP - sorry this keeps bothering me; “ignorant” does not mean anything to do with ignoring someone. It means someone is lacking in knowledge, closed minded and not intelligent.

If you called him ignorant, that’s pretty strong and mean.

Arrogant is probably better suited

I probably am. I'm just kicking my self for opening my mouth. I'll get over the embarrassment soon, hopefully.

I don’t think there’s much to be embarrassed about. You called him out and he didn’t like it and he has sulked away in silence instead of being an adult and having a conversation about it.

He is no loss.

I agree. I suspect he is finding you a bit much - I know I would. You've only been on four dates, just leave the man alone.

Which is what I have done.

Please don't beat yourself up. It's easy to react badly in the moment without thinking, especially at a perceived double standard.

You've got good self awareness and that is what matters in the long run. Put this down to experience and don't worry about it anymore.

Thanks. Unfortunately being the absolute knob I am I'm still awake, going over it in my head. I wish I didn't over complicate things. It's a trait I'll forever struggle with & he still hasn't replied. I've deleted his number now anyway.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm aware it's on me for behaving like a lunatic. I could've voiced what I had to say in a better way, I didn't. My loss I suppose x

You’re far too hard on yourself. Stop worrying about how you express yourself. Very few people spend hours analysing what they’ve said to others. Be who you are, not who you think people want you to be.

I can relate to this OP. But maybe this is reflective of something else going on that maybe you need to address before looking for another relationship? Some therapy to look at where these feelings stem from? I found CBT really helpful to stop the trail of anxious thoughts.

Be kind to yourself

He's doing tit for tat, game playing. It will keep on like this

Did I read this right? He messaged you on Christmas Day and you replied; he then did not reply to your reply?
You've only been on 4 dates. It was Christmas. You were both busy with family.
Your petulant text has definitely sounded the death knell on this nascent dalliance. 😅

It’s not rude to be busy. People have lives and you can’t demand a response to your timetable.

you know you got this one wrong (you were busy, his massage was fine, then he was busy and you hoisted some red bunting), so learn from that and just relax.

reading a message then being busy and not responding quickly enough isn’t a personal insult.

& I agree. It's not a personal insult. But reading a message & leaving it on read for verging on 24 hours whilst still being online, is quite rude. In my opinion.

Like I've said, I've quite literally persecuted myself over opening my mouth. I've also apologised to him for it. There's nothing else I can do or say to rectify it.

I'm well aware it's my own fault. I've said so & won't be opening my mouth in future. I've said sorry, he's chosen not to reply. Fair enough. I made a mistake, life goes on. I already feel embarrassed & stupid as it is.

I know a lot of people think being “left on read” is rude but I don’t. There’s not an obligation to respond in a timeframe that suits you, any more than not replying to an email or returns call is. You’ve messaged someone, they can read it, digest and respond at their leisure. I don’t feel
ive started a clock the second they open it.

appreciate I’m in a minority though.

That's fine you're totally entitled to have that opinion. Some will agree, some will not.

Had op read his message, not replied and been online, I think he would have sent a message very similar to her.

@Meandmymouth you don’t know him very well so don’t worry what he thinks x

Don't be beating yourself up so badly, honestly we've all done it in some way. I'm for one, hoping he texts you and it all resolves itself x

Im glad to know others have made cringe mistakes. I wish I could take back what I said so we could just be normal again. But oh well, the embarrassment is slowly pissing off & I've fully accepted he's not messaging again 😂 Plenty more fish in the sea x

I have an embarrassing memory with a guy I was dating for a few weeks, around 25 years ago, far more embarrassing than your story! Do you know what, I still blush thinking how silly I was, but it also makes me laugh out loud when I think about it. And I learnt from it and it made me better dater going forwards. I hope you will be able to chuckle about this in time to come. X