I'm an actual idiot.

[Meandmymouth]

I'm expected to be ripped a new one.

Been on 4 dates with a man, last date was in his place. Cuddled like we was in a relationship (kissing the top of my head) etc. I know we're not in a relationship but trying to give you the picture of how close we became.

Christmas eve he'd messaged in the morning. I was so busy, then around 5ish he'd text again saying "Take it that it's been a busy day x" As i hadn't replied to his first message. I got back to him & apologised as I'd been busy. Felt bad that I'd ignored his first message.

I knew he was going to visit family on Christmas day. He sent me a message Christmas day, I replied 12pm, he totally ignored me, (no probs he's busy I assume) I was too with it being Christmas. 22 hours later still no response & I'd seen he'd been online repeatedly.

Here's where I am a knob. I messaged & said its a bit of a double standard isn't it, you made a jokey dig about me being busy but you fall of the face of the earth & ignore me. It definitely come across worse than I meant it.

Now he thinks I'm some crank & I feel like an actual twat. I just think it's so so rude to ignore someone for 22 hours but then have a pop at that person the day before for them not replying for a few hours. In my eyes it's a boundary that I have. Just say you're busy, don't ignore & then repeatedly be online.

First world problems I know. But it's playing on my mind so much. I text & apologised for kicking up a fuss. He's not replied & I don't think he ever will now. I have to see him again due to mutual friends. So I know I've been unreasonable but needed to vent. I'm ready to be told I'm an idiot.

He's with family and I respect that. I won't be texting again & I'll take his no response as a response that he's done with me.

He didn’t have a pop. He just assumed you’d had a busy day and was opening communication regarding it.

I agree.

I'd let things settle down for a day or two, you could then explain you possibly took his messages the wrong way and would like a chance to catch up in person to start again and prove you're not a bunny boiler. Christmas is difficult when in very early stages as there's so much pressure from everywhere! He could well be not replying as he doesn't want to fan the flames and risk another misunderstanding!

I know what you're saying but I feel like I've already put myself out there by apologising and kicking up a fuss. I'd honestly rather him at least reply to that, even if it was to say he's done with me. I think him leaving me hanging like that is a bit cruel. So I won't be reaching out to him again. Unfortunately I'll be seeing him in January anyway, but I can avoid being near him.

You’ve apologised @Meandmymouth and he will know you are hoping for a jokey light heart text back so he’s being cruel. One thing stood out to me on your first post was the kissing you on your head like you were in a settled relationship, my spider senses are thinking he may turn out to be a future faker, He pulled you up for not texting back and you texted him when he didn’t bother to reply bluntly. You apologised so think he will make you wait longer and then appear like nothing happened, expect hot and cold treatment with him as think he’s a player.

It would never have worked anyway if you can’t be busy without sending each other digs.

Something tells me he won't ever reply again & that's ok. Bit shitty but his choice at the end of the day.

Well that’s not tire, is it @Meandmymouth
Of course you can say the wrong thing to the right person. If I’d seen someone for four dates and had that sort of a reaction for not replying on CHRISTMAS DAY I’d assume you were utterly high maintenance and fully avoid you.
So yes. Words have power. Choose them wisely!

Maybe you're right. I guess the damage is done now isn't it. At least I've been big enough to recognise it & apologise, people make silly mistakes.

4 dates, and you text each other once a day and the most he's done is kissed the top of your head sounds like you're not into each other. Either that or you're part of a strict Christian cult or you're tween age.

Doesn't sound like there's much chemistry or decent chat so you're better off out of it.

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP. That would have annoyed me too. I'm very blunt and honest when it comes to dating- too long in the tooth to play games or take a certain approach. You said what you thought and you are who you are. Just leave it now. You're not compatible. You should be able to be yourself when dating otherwise there's no point.

Probably could've worded it better, but that's about it. I still stand by what I've said. I'll be fine, I'm just an overthinker & will forever cringe at myself about it now.

In hindsight and reading back through, I think you're right not to send anything else. It's down to him now to reach out and apologise for his part in any mis- coms. You've done your bit - and should forgive yourself really, we all make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise that you have an insight into his problem solving skills, as well as your own.

You sound needy and he sounds rude.

It's all too much hard work. Forget it.

But I know I'm not needy & that's part of why I'm internally beating myself up about it. Because I've made myself look needy.

It was more of a point to say, it's a bit ignorant to leave me on read nearly 24 hours yet you've been online.

I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting a simple text to say "I'll get back to you later" But that's just my opinion.

I do think how I approached it was so stupid & immature though. But I felt a bit put out. It seems I was into him more than he was into me. That's ok as well. If I hadn't have texted him I wonder would he have left it even longer? Anyway, there's bigger problems in the world. I shouldn't even be complaining really. Just feeling stupid.

Do yourself ,a favour - chalk it up to Xmas stress, put this feeling in a mental box marked 'remember not to do this again', remind yourself you're human and grab a G&T & a box of chocs.

It's done. You've apologised.

Stop torturing yourself.

He's just annoyed you are at the start of a new 'relationship' and you ignored him on Christmas Eve morning. He probably felt you'd want him to be a priority if he meant something to you. Busy or otherwise.

Ball is in his court now OP. If he doesn't choose to message to continue this then it's done, and you need to move on. We all mess up OP. Can't be helped.

It is needy because you have felt the need to check if he's been online and so also worry about why he hasn't got back to you.

It was Christmas Day - people are ultra absorbed in the here and now - not checking their phones and feeling like they ought to reply in case someone (you) get the hump.

You have called him ignorant which is pretty nasty considering he was clearly just having a Christmas day.

He's got the measure of you by your reaction. Leave him alone now and perhaps think properly about why you are so needy.

You're entitled to think it's needy, i don't think it is needy. Immature maybe, yes.

I just have a pet hate of being ignored. That is all. If I read someone's message & willingly didn't reply I'd know myself I was being ignorant for that.

But at the same time, I still recognise what I've said/done was ridiculous & I've ridiculed myself over it since yesterday. I've made a daft mistake & I've owned it. Nothing else I can add to that really.

Go with your gut.. it tells me that you suspected he was playing games and you called it out. Good for you I say. If someone is thinking of you then they wont wait 22 hours to respond.

That's exactly how I'm going to leave it now. I won't be reaching out again. No way, I've embarrassed myself enough. I know he won't text & that's on him.

Listen, I mean this kindly, that 'pet hate' you have of being ignored isn't a pet hate, it's a 'fear'.

I know because I had this myself and it was really hard to get rid of due to past experiences.

Dig deep and find out why you have this fear. If you feel that this person you dated purposefully feeds off that fear, then get rid of him quickly and find someone that makes you feel secure.

He had read your message and didn’t bother replying and he made sure to go online to get a reaction from you. You pulled him up for not replying is what he was hoping you’d do @Meandmymouth he was checking you were invested in him, to make the waiting game more fun for himself, then when eventually he texts back he wants to get a kick out get of you replying desperately back. It’s an ego game he’s playing, he might even wait till you see him next week to see your reaction in person, apologise to see your relief on your face, then he will step up with lots of attention and then radio silence again. He will suggest places to go on dates and then last minute will let you down or leave you waiting for him.