To not want to go to the pub on Boxing Day every year?

[Fluffyandfestive]

My in laws having a family tradition where the whole family goes to the pub on Boxing Day for a few hours.

This starts at about 11 and everyone has to be there on time.

The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer.

Now that we have dc I don't want to participate in this tradition. In laws live around a 45 minute drive away. The dc want to stay home and play with their toys. It's boring. The men get drunk and act stupid.

Aibu to not want to go?

We did what I've always wanted to do and stayed at home. The dc have played and we've ate and relaxed.

You’re an adult, you can choose whether or not you want to go. Well done for not going. You might find others follow suit next year.

Dh doesn't want to go without us all but in laws are rather upset as us spoiling their family tradition.

Some traditions deserve to die.

Wow so your in laws are disappointed that you declined to force your children to have to observe their parents drink themselves into a stupour while being facilitated by women like something out of a bad 60 year old sitcom?

Is there anything redeeming about this family?

If I were you I would be thinking quite hard about whether I wanted my kids brought up in this environment. It sounds like they are going to be basically raised to be alcoholics.

Fair play to you, Fluffy! Sounds like a lovely day.

You are the change you wanted to see.

Same in my family, men having fun while women work…
I said no when my dad tried to get me to make the breakfast's. But I did help my mother with dinner. Poor woman.

Your in-laws sound awful. Does it really matter that they're annoyed you didn't go this year? Your DH thinks all families hang around the pub all day, the women prepare the buffet for the men, and then drive them home at the end of the night...Hopefully he can join the modern world this year!

Fuck that shit. Well done for standing your ground OP. That 'tradition' can get in the fucking bin. Why would any woman put up with that crap every year?

This was every Sunday when I I grew up.

I wouldn’t allow my children to participate in that kind of blatant sexism. I’m also not a fan of being around people who get really drunk, but the sexism is a complete non-starter. I’ve made myself unpopular with Dh’s family more than once by refusing to just go along.

To be honest dh has been ok. I think he's realised that even the dc don't want to go.

His whole family have been doing this tradition all his life.

My in laws are very sexist and old fashioned and since we've had children there have been a lot of things where I'm seeing that I need to stand my ground and not be a pushover just to keep them happy.

I'm annoyed with myself for going along with it before but it really helps to see so many people agreeing how shit their tradition is with children.

@Fluffyandfestive

My in laws are very sexist and old fashioned and since we've had children there have been a lot of things where I'm seeing that I need to stand my ground and not be a pushover just to keep them happy.

I feel desperately sorry for your MIL. Imagine being so brainwashed by that shit that you convince not only yourself but your DIL that it’s normal.

Good for you for standing your ground.

Yes he did drink quite a lot. I'm not sticking up for dh but he's one of those people who drinks and you can't really tell. Fil and the uncles however would be paralytic sometimes. Even falling over.

Honestly though since we've had the dc dh would only have 2 or 3 but we still had to go along.

It's absolute bullshit and the more I read the replies the more I realise how stupid it all is.

Horrible tradition. Time to end it

It sounds awful, good on you for breaking the pattern. Fortunately it sounds like your husband was just in the habit of doing it instead of attached to the tradition.

"The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer."
Fuck that for a game of soldiers! (And that would probably be the exact phrase I'd say to the in-laws.)

"... but in laws are rather upset as us spoiling their family tradition."
No, what they're upset by is that you have drawn attention to how ridiculous their 'tradition' is. As long as nobody says 'no', they can kid themselves that behaving as they do is all fine and dandy. By you sayin 'no' they have to face that actually, it really isn't. That makes them really uncomfortable.

You've done the right thing. And you're creating your own traditions, traditions that suit you and your family. Again, the right thing.

I was taken to pubs a lot as a kid, with my Dad. Hours spent amongst drunken idiots (mostly men) when I was a young girl. I absolutely hated it.

I would never agree to this shit and I'm glad you refused to go. Fuck them.

The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer.

HOW do so many women put up with and go along with this outrageously sexist shite.

Nothing wrong with a pub on Boxing Day or any other day but like hell would I trot off with the other women to prepare food for the men. And what's going on with the gender-segregated activities in the first place.

I really like the idea of getting out to the pub with the family but the bit where the men get thoroughly pissed and the women do all the food at home is grim.

I love that you stood up for yourself. Were you ever invited back and what happen3d then? It's unfathomable that people think it's okay to act like this.