To not want to go to the pub on Boxing Day every year?

[Fluffyandfestive]

My in laws having a family tradition where the whole family goes to the pub on Boxing Day for a few hours.

This starts at about 11 and everyone has to be there on time.

The men get as pissed as possible and all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer.

Now that we have dc I don't want to participate in this tradition. In laws live around a 45 minute drive away. The dc want to stay home and play with their toys. It's boring. The men get drunk and act stupid.

Aibu to not want to go?

I'd quite have liked this as an option pre DC but what do those with kids do? Surely not take them to the pub or have them around drunk family members?

You stay home. Maybe you'll give some of the others the guts to do the same.

Most of my life my dad has run a pub, life revolves around it and we did spend our day there yesterday. But my kids have access to the upstairs, can take their presents to play with, neither me nor my dad drink much (nothing yesterday) and the pub is only open 4 hours on Christmas Day, so it’s not the same.

In your shoes I would absolutely refuse to go.

Previously I've offered compromises of just going into the pub for half an hour then back for the food. Just going for the food.

But it's all non negotiable. Everyone has to be their on time.

It goes on from around 11 until late into the evening. It's horrible. The dc are bored, tired. There is a little outside area at the pub but it's often cold and wet and no one wants to go outside to supervise.

Posts like this make me appreciate my MiL all the more. We do Christmas in our home now but when we went to hers I cooked the veggie main and helped with the veggies and roasties, SiL did her bit too and once the meal was done she wouldn't let us so much as touch a plate as 'the women cooked so the men can clean' and we went upstairs to sit by the fire with a drink.

all the women go back to one of the houses at about 3pm and prep a buffet while the men stay in the pub a while longer

Fuck that

Don’t offer a comprise. Stand firm and say “that doesn’t work for us”

Let DH go if he wants but don’t force the children into what they aren’t happy with

Sounds awful. Very old fashioned in all the wrong ways. Sexism, ignoring kids needs, huge overconsumption of alcohol (don't mind a drink but that's mad, especially with kids about!). Hell no.

Well if they won’t compromise, I wouldn’t either
Just don’t go

Of course YANBU.

You need to discuss it with your dh and see what he wants to do first - if he wants to do the same as you or not - but the only options for me would be to go direct to the house for food and seeing everyone, or not going at all.

Grim. Leave them to their 1970s nostalgia fest, divorce him and find people from the 21st century to hang out with.

Presume all the women are designated drivers too?

This did make me smile.

You've got that right.

I wanted to be sure that I'm not being the weird one. Dh has in the past made me out to be strange as apparently that just what everyone does on Boxing Day.

He can see that even the dc don't want to go as they're getting old enough to voice their own views.

This

YANBU
Apart from the attitudes of the men, which is appalling, it must be a really boring day for the kids. Do the men ever reciprocate?
Just don’t go.

No never. The women have to walk back early to prep the food and the women clear up the mess after the buffet too.

No one else seems to think this is strange at all.

You aren't being weird. I just tell him you and the kids are staying at home on Boxing Day. He can go if he wants.

Does your H not accept how sexist it is?

This has similarities with the set-up my sister married into in the early 1980s (yep, THAT far back in time and it's STILL going on 🥱).
On her childrens' birthday party days her in-laws and their friends would all descend on her & her H's house and immediately divide up - the men gathering together on the booze whilst the women busied themselves with party preparations and the bulk of the childcare. Now and then one or other of the men would lob a mocking remark at the women. Such larks!
Early evening after each party all the men would disappear down to the local pub leaving the women to clear up and stay sober not only to "babysit" responsibly but also to drive everyone safely home.
This happened time and time again.
It was an accepted ritual.
But I was never happy with it and on one occasion I suggested to my sister's (otherwise very pleasant) FIL that the women went to the pub whilst the men stayed in and babysat.
He looked at me as if I'd suggested he chop off some vital organ. He was quite literally speechless; had absolutely no response to such an outrageous idea!
DS always capitulated to BIL, hence he and I have never got on as I think for myself.
(My parents loathed him too but that's another story).

@Fluffyandfestive

Dh has in the past made me out to be strange as apparently that just what everyone does on Boxing Day.

It really isn’t what everyone does unless “everyone” is Jim Davidson and his mates.

Sorry but your husband’s family sound like complete throwbacks.

I'm sorry- are you saying they drag the kids along to this elongated piss up?? To what, sit in a pub and watch all their relatives get drunk? Kids in pubs for meals- fine. Kids hanging around a bar full of people drinking alcohol, definitely not fine.

The whole thing sounds like a misogynistic 1970 nightmare and I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

It sounds very dated to me but my ex also had this tradition. I’d see my own family instead.

So what did you do today ?

Sounds awful. Pre children I might have give in to this (although wouldn't have been too keen on going home to cook) but after children not a chance. Take children to a pub and entertain them while all the men get drunk?? Sounds awful.

@MyNimbleViewer I didn't go this year, I thought I'd did in a previous post that this year I said enough is enough.

But my in laws are not happy.