Page 4 | To be disappointed with Christmas this year

onwardsup4 · 27/12/2024 07:52

Cosyblankets · 26/12/2024 16:51

What did you take?
I hosted yesterday
Others brought drinks / dessert / game /starter

This. Mum hosted and provided plenty but I took two of the sides dessert wine and a game

MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 07:53

Reading this thread=and other similar ones where an OP complains about her in-laws being odd or mean or socially lacking in some way, I notice that there are usually a flurry of replies giving their own examples of odd socially inadequate in laws.

It does seem to suggest that mothers of girls/women are totally switched on, understanding, socially competent and general all round good eggs as opposed to the mothers of boys/men who are usually the opposite.

I wonder if there is something about those who give birth to boys that make them like this. I think a study should be done.

Maybe those on Mumsnet who have boys should start accepting that they are odd, domineering, selfish people and be prepared for the fact that future daughters-in-law- will find them so in many many ways, including their Christmas traditions.

TammyJones · 27/12/2024 07:56

YellowPixie · 26/12/2024 17:09

Probably not the point of the thread and I'm sorry you had a miserable Christmas OP but I can't believe so many people are talking about music. We never, ever have music playing when we have Christmas dinner. Or any other dinner. I cannot imagine anything worse than trying to eat my turkey and bread sauce while my ears are subjected to Michael Buble's crooning or fecking Slade for the 9000th time. It just would not occur to me to ever put music on.

We do however have crackers, lots of wine, plenty food and multiple desserts.

Ha
Yes we don't have music during dinner.
Lots of food , wine , chocs , mince pies.
(Though while cooking in the kitchen you may catch one mum singing and dancing and cooking , along to 'Holly Jolly Christmas'

magicalmrmistoffelees · 27/12/2024 07:59

MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 07:53

Reading this thread=and other similar ones where an OP complains about her in-laws being odd or mean or socially lacking in some way, I notice that there are usually a flurry of replies giving their own examples of odd socially inadequate in laws.

It does seem to suggest that mothers of girls/women are totally switched on, understanding, socially competent and general all round good eggs as opposed to the mothers of boys/men who are usually the opposite.

I wonder if there is something about those who give birth to boys that make them like this. I think a study should be done.

Maybe those on Mumsnet who have boys should start accepting that they are odd, domineering, selfish people and be prepared for the fact that future daughters-in-law- will find them so in many many ways, including their Christmas traditions.

It’s the other way round in my family, my in laws are brilliant, and fabulous hosts, and my parents are odd 😁

MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 08:02

That's great @magicalmrmistoffelees but in general terms, it is usually in-laws who make trouble and spoil things.

ForShyWriter · 27/12/2024 08:09

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fanaticalfairy · 27/12/2024 08:14

StormingNorman · 26/12/2024 15:40

I can understand why you wouldn’t want to go back, but you need to find a way to incorporate them into Christmas. They are your DH and DC family after all.

But I get where you are coming from. My family is loud and boisterous at Christmas - music, games, talking over each other and over the films and sport we have on in the background. Pub for pre-dinner drinks with family friends. 16/20 for dinner some years. Someone always topping up drinks or trying out lethal cocktail recipes. Random kitchen discos. Other ways of doing Christmas can feel a bit underwhelming.

Your version of Christmas sounds awful.

I'm all for the quiet life. We have 6/7 on the day, lots of chatter and fun etc
But not the boisterous, loud drunk chaos.

ForShyWriter · 27/12/2024 08:15

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magicalmrmistoffelees · 27/12/2024 08:17

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Sounds like absolute hell to me too!

MightyGoldBear · 27/12/2024 08:21

Life's too short op. They sound inflexible. Have a chat with your dh and see what he is onboard with doing. We stay home for Christmas now. My dh never liked his family Christmas but for many years we tried but we want to do fun relaxed Christmas not bland food no games tv or music and no chat!
Inlaws won't let us host either or bring food or deviate from their very boring Christmas. So now they get a visit before or after Christmas.
My mil and fil are parents to both males and females so I'm not sure that theory works out.

I have all boys and I absolutely will be accommodating to new partners and open to being flexible. But then I love trying new things and I'm not scared of change or being out of my comfort zone/with a desperate need to control. I think it comes more down to those elements than just being the mother of males.

AngelinaFibres · 27/12/2024 08:28

This is just a horrible thread. Really horrible. The smugness coming from people who do Christmas 'perfectly '.

ForShyWriter · 27/12/2024 08:29

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MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 08:30

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I have a mixture but I'm just going by the amount of complaints about mothers-in-law on Mumsnet and the fact that the majority of posters almost always seem to agree with the daughter-in-law.
On this particular thread, an Op complains about the Christmas her in-laws provided and the first page saw other other posters jumping on to tell about their own awful examples of Christmas with the in-laws.

That's this thread but there are lots of others and it always seems that the mother of the man is awful in one way or another, while her own mother provides the gold standard.

Of course, most women will prefer their own mother's way of doing things-that's natural-but it doesn't have to mean that the husband's family is odd or useless in some way. But, if you were only to read Mumsnet, you would think that mothers of men are lacking.

I don't agree but that's the way it seems on here: mothers of males are secondary to mothers of females.

AngelinaFibres · 27/12/2024 08:30

MightyGoldBear · 27/12/2024 08:21

Life's too short op. They sound inflexible. Have a chat with your dh and see what he is onboard with doing. We stay home for Christmas now. My dh never liked his family Christmas but for many years we tried but we want to do fun relaxed Christmas not bland food no games tv or music and no chat!
Inlaws won't let us host either or bring food or deviate from their very boring Christmas. So now they get a visit before or after Christmas.
My mil and fil are parents to both males and females so I'm not sure that theory works out.

I have all boys and I absolutely will be accommodating to new partners and open to being flexible. But then I love trying new things and I'm not scared of change or being out of my comfort zone/with a desperate need to control. I think it comes more down to those elements than just being the mother of males.

Judging by this thread you may find, as the mother of boys, that your future DiLs don't want to be welcomed and hosted . They may well just want to go to their parents every year and you , as MIL, will be left with the dregs whether you want it or not .

Suzuki76 · 27/12/2024 08:33

MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 07:53

Reading this thread=and other similar ones where an OP complains about her in-laws being odd or mean or socially lacking in some way, I notice that there are usually a flurry of replies giving their own examples of odd socially inadequate in laws.

It does seem to suggest that mothers of girls/women are totally switched on, understanding, socially competent and general all round good eggs as opposed to the mothers of boys/men who are usually the opposite.

I wonder if there is something about those who give birth to boys that make them like this. I think a study should be done.

Maybe those on Mumsnet who have boys should start accepting that they are odd, domineering, selfish people and be prepared for the fact that future daughters-in-law- will find them so in many many ways, including their Christmas traditions.

My in laws have a son and a daughter and they are still very odd people.

greengreyblue · 27/12/2024 08:34

fanaticalfairy · 27/12/2024 08:14

Your version of Christmas sounds awful.

I'm all for the quiet life. We have 6/7 on the day, lots of chatter and fun etc
But not the boisterous, loud drunk chaos.

Show quote history

How rude to slate someone’s Christmas.

AxolotlEars · 27/12/2024 08:34

I know this isn't the point, but there is absolutely no law that says you have to alternate Christmas day with your relatives! There's a whole Christmas time period and it's great to see people over that time. Nobody has to be locked into anything!

ueberlin2030 · 27/12/2024 08:36

Northtosouth · 26/12/2024 14:56

Usually DH and I have always gone to my parents for Christmas dinner.
My parents are excellent hosts and we always have a great time. We usually see in laws either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

This year in laws asked us to go to theirs, we didn’t have any issue with this as we’ve never been before so accepted their invite.
It was really terrible. They hardly had any food, we literally ran out of Christmas dinner. Nothing left for supper later on. No effort made to provide any of the usual Christmas festivities. We ate dinner in near silence, no background music or much chit chat at the table. They also pretty much just followed us around all day which I found quite idd
(for example both of them coming upstairs with me when I needed to change DS nappy). We popped out for a walk with DS for some fresh air while they were cooking and they insisted on coming with us which delayed dinner. We were all starving as we’d been offered no food since a bowl of cereal at 8am and this was 3.30pm. We didn’t end up eating until after 5pm.

DH dropped in that we’d be back with my parents next year as usual and they then suggested we start to alternate.
I think also feeling a bit miffed (on DH’s behalf) that they seem to only be interested in spending Christmas with us now we have DS. Feeling a bit sad really that we spent our first Christmas with DS like this, it was nothing like I thought it would be.

What did you take along to eat/drink?

HettyMeg · 27/12/2024 08:37

MyLadyGreensleeves · 27/12/2024 07:53

Reading this thread=and other similar ones where an OP complains about her in-laws being odd or mean or socially lacking in some way, I notice that there are usually a flurry of replies giving their own examples of odd socially inadequate in laws.

It does seem to suggest that mothers of girls/women are totally switched on, understanding, socially competent and general all round good eggs as opposed to the mothers of boys/men who are usually the opposite.

I wonder if there is something about those who give birth to boys that make them like this. I think a study should be done.

Maybe those on Mumsnet who have boys should start accepting that they are odd, domineering, selfish people and be prepared for the fact that future daughters-in-law- will find them so in many many ways, including their Christmas traditions.

Opposite in my case. My family don't like Christmas/hosting, my memories of Christmas days in years gone by is basically my mum moaning her head off and snapping at everyone as she didn't want to be cooking, and complaining about it all. In-laws make things jolly and have music playing and are kind hosts. I have felt a bit bittersweet at how nice they make it compared to my family.

SallyWD · 27/12/2024 08:37

I think it's only fair to alternate. Can't you host them instead? You can still celebrate with your family another day.
We alternate. My in-laws are Indian, living in another European country. Their Christmas celebrations are so completely alien to me that it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. However, we still alternate because it's only fair. The years we spend Christmas with the in-laws we'll always see my family another day.
Like you, I only started spending Christmas day with them once we had a child. I think this is completely natural.

HettyMeg · 27/12/2024 08:38

AxolotlEars · 27/12/2024 08:34

I know this isn't the point, but there is absolutely no law that says you have to alternate Christmas day with your relatives! There's a whole Christmas time period and it's great to see people over that time. Nobody has to be locked into anything!

This - we do Christmas day at our house and visit relatives in period in between

Jazzjazzyjulez · 27/12/2024 08:46

Regardless of Christmas, who doesn’t feed guests from 8-5? And who offers cereal on Christmas Day?

I wouldn't be going again - it’s not fair to subject your kid to that as they get older.

greengreyblue · 27/12/2024 08:53

I think Christmas Day is important to lots of us and how we choose to celebrate is very personal and brings memories of years gone by and lost loved ones. It can feel horrible if you spend it with people who don’t share your ideas so I understand why you wouldn’t want to. Maybe create your own version and invite them. It might be that they just don’t have any ideas or have never experienced anything like you have.

Timetoread · 27/12/2024 08:54

Maybe just regard it as an act if generosity on your part that they had your company and plan to host them next time

DeepRoseFish · 27/12/2024 09:02

Livelovebehappy · 26/12/2024 15:53

Of course you should alternate. They’re equal, and just because their day isn’t as ‘fantastic’ as your parents, it is what it is. Maybe it’s been a learning curve with it being their first Xmas hosting, re the food situation. Next time they’ll think to get more stuff in.

Why should anyone have to do anything they don’t want to do just because it’s Christmas.

OP I’d be doing one year at home (in laws can visit!) and the next at your parents.

I had one miserable Christmas with the in laws and never repeated it.