To be disappointed with Christmas this year

[Northtosouth]

Usually DH and I have always gone to my parents for Christmas dinner.
My parents are excellent hosts and we always have a great time. We usually see in laws either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

This year in laws asked us to go to theirs, we didn’t have any issue with this as we’ve never been before so accepted their invite.
It was really terrible. They hardly had any food, we literally ran out of Christmas dinner. Nothing left for supper later on. No effort made to provide any of the usual Christmas festivities. We ate dinner in near silence, no background music or much chit chat at the table. They also pretty much just followed us around all day which I found quite idd
(for example both of them coming upstairs with me when I needed to change DS nappy). We popped out for a walk with DS for some fresh air while they were cooking and they insisted on coming with us which delayed dinner. We were all starving as we’d been offered no food since a bowl of cereal at 8am and this was 3.30pm. We didn’t end up eating until after 5pm.

DH dropped in that we’d be back with my parents next year as usual and they then suggested we start to alternate.
I think also feeling a bit miffed (on DH’s behalf) that they seem to only be interested in spending Christmas with us now we have DS. Feeling a bit sad really that we spent our first Christmas with DS like this, it was nothing like I thought it would be.

Host them or make conversation yourself next time, Take some crackers. Xmas is about more than food.🤷‍♀️

What did you take?
I hosted yesterday
Others brought drinks / dessert / game /starter

Doesnt sound like they provided any of the other stuff that Christmas is ‘all about’ either though. Games, fun, music, conversation…

I think it’s a lesson learned for all of you but mainly for your DH he should be more proactive in general. Next time DC will be older and it will be different so you just need to be prepared better.
Dh should have said : Its ok mum and dad. DC needs some fresh air we will be back in 40 minutes.

take food with you, not that you should have too, but now you know what they are like plan ahead

do a walk all together next time either before or after dinner

it doesn’t sound great, but it sounds like you can work around it?

We started having all the family to us when we had dc and started our own family traditions.

Considering how quick he was to tell his parents that they'd be going to OP's family next year I don't think you can assume he enjoyed himself at all.

Many people would prefer their own family than their in-laws, it's just natural to want what you are used to having at Christmas. But I'd do it for my DH, it's only fair to alternate (as it happens we've only ever been invited to the in-laws once for Christmas in recent years so I'm lucky!)

Or, I'm wondering if he sensed the negativity from OP? A lot of men seem to put up with what their wives want to keep the peace.

Nah OP I am totally with you. There’s other families doing things differently, then there’s piss poor hosting. They put no effort in at all. It’s shitty of them and bad mannered to not provide enough food. No christmas music or atmosphere is weird. Makes you wonder why they’ve bothered. I’d not spend christmas there again!

Probably not the point of the thread and I'm sorry you had a miserable Christmas OP but I can't believe so many people are talking about music. We never, ever have music playing when we have Christmas dinner. Or any other dinner. I cannot imagine anything worse than trying to eat my turkey and bread sauce while my ears are subjected to Michael Buble's crooning or fecking Slade for the 9000th time. It just would not occur to me to ever put music on.

We do however have crackers, lots of wine, plenty food and multiple desserts.

What did your DH think? Was it normal for him? Maybe he enjoyed it? There are two of you, so what he thinks matters too. Maybe he prefers it at your parents, but you don’t say.

My ex certainly preferred it at mine as his parents had never been keen on Christmas, and his Mum didn’t like doing different food than her standard roast so her Christmas dinner with turkey was actually worse than a normal weekly, Sunday dinner.

We ended up visiting the in-laws in the lead up and mine for the actual day. We did go to the in-laws once after that, but I cooked.

Disappointing Christmases come now and then. Pity it was your baby’s first, BUT your baby won’t remember it so that’s one thing that you don’t have to worry about. Just do something lovely tomorrow or at New Year and try not to let the whole thing be a washout.

I think this is the key- no music isn’t an issue in itself but sitting in complete silence sounds fucking miserable. I’m guessing you and your family tell cracker jokes, chatter, laugh together etc, and that creates a lovely festive atmosphere itself.

We don’t have shitty Christmas songs on 😂

@magicalmrmistoffelees I wouldn't have ANY music on!

Why don't you host it?

We don’t normally have music either, but one of my most memorable teen Christmases was one when my parents got a record of baroque music and played it as we ate dinner. I felt like I was back in time as I chewed on my turkey leg and considered tossing the bone over my shoulder! 🤣

I’d say they’ve only realised they haven’t been doing the family thing now you have ds, which I’d say is natural. The following about thing was trying to spend time with you all. I think you need to look at what your parents do differently and help the in laws make the next Christmas you have with them like that. They sound like they’re just trying to have a nice time tbh!

Now you know they're not brilliant at hosting, I'd take extras for the meal to pad it out a bit. Take starters, a few sides and a box of crackers to make the meal festive. Download a Spotify Christmas tunes list & play it in the background.

Some people need a bit of help and support when it comes to the social side. I visited my sil yesterday, she's single & lives alone & isn't used to hosting extra people. Her idea of hosting was to order a takeaway the night before & reheat it for lunch! So we cooked lunch in the morning and transported it to hers for 1pm. She still grumbled a bit but I could tell she enjoyed a home cooked lunch instead of her usual takeaway. She is set in her ways but at the end of the day, she's dh's sister & my dc's aunt so I make the effort.

Gemmawemma9 · Today 17:08

Nah OP I am totally with you. There’s other families doing things differently, then there’s piss poor hosting. They put no effort in at all. It’s shitty of them and bad mannered to not provide enough food. No christmas music or atmosphere is weird. Makes you wonder why they’ve bothered. I’d not spend christmas there again!

Would you not think they’re bad at hosting as opposed to being shitty? Not all of us are good at hosting! Op could help them get better at it by suggesting extra food/ offering to help next time!

Well yes. We do talk to each other. And play silly games after. Much hilarity over a "20 questions" type game called person/place/thing, every time it was teenage DS's turn to ask a question the only thing he could think of was "Does it burn?" - we're a bit worried about him...

Would hate anyone thinking we're inhospitable or grumpy because of the lack of music. We are just not a music family - ever!

Could you host then?

There's more to Christmas music than Slade and Michael Buble😀

I have some CDs of medieval Christmas music that I've put on some years; other years we've gone with Classic FM or Radio 3's festive offering.

Not that I don't like Christmas pop as well excepting dreary Buble but I've usually had my fill of it by Christmas Day!

It was them who suggested that, not him. All he said was that they’d go back to going to her parents next year.