To be disappointed with Christmas this year

[Northtosouth]

Usually DH and I have always gone to my parents for Christmas dinner.
My parents are excellent hosts and we always have a great time. We usually see in laws either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

This year in laws asked us to go to theirs, we didn’t have any issue with this as we’ve never been before so accepted their invite.
It was really terrible. They hardly had any food, we literally ran out of Christmas dinner. Nothing left for supper later on. No effort made to provide any of the usual Christmas festivities. We ate dinner in near silence, no background music or much chit chat at the table. They also pretty much just followed us around all day which I found quite idd
(for example both of them coming upstairs with me when I needed to change DS nappy). We popped out for a walk with DS for some fresh air while they were cooking and they insisted on coming with us which delayed dinner. We were all starving as we’d been offered no food since a bowl of cereal at 8am and this was 3.30pm. We didn’t end up eating until after 5pm.

DH dropped in that we’d be back with my parents next year as usual and they then suggested we start to alternate.
I think also feeling a bit miffed (on DH’s behalf) that they seem to only be interested in spending Christmas with us now we have DS. Feeling a bit sad really that we spent our first Christmas with DS like this, it was nothing like I thought it would be.

It’s very tricky. DH’s mum has only invited us twice in 28 years of marriage! Just as well, cos I don’t enjoy it. No music, heating not on because she’s not cold, big light on and TV on. Just different. Even DH dislikes it. She comes to us or his siblings.

I read it as ‘they’ suggested alternate years.

Everyone does Christmas differently and most people want to be with their parents..

It’s a lot for elderly parents to cook and host. Definitely time for you to start hosting - then you can perhaps invite both sets of parents and the day may be a bit more lively. Otherwise you have to suck it up for your DH.

My parents are much more sociable and fun than DH’s. We still see his most years and sometimes my parents join. We always host since we had kids.

There are a lot of people saying you should alternate but it sounds terrible and life it too short. Don't alternate. Stick with seeing them before or after and have a nice Christmas day instead of a rubbish one for the sake of 'fairness'.

Maybe you should take a turn to host.

Totally understand. My Xmas is terrible too. We are hosting and our miserable in laws have been stopping with us a week. They bitch at each other constantly and won't go out the house. I tried to take the kids out to get a break and they insisted on coming. We asked when they are leaving as live abroad. They keep saying they don't know. I want them to go. I'm miserable 😪 We said never again. My dh had enough 2 days ago

Forgot to add my fil kept putting the tv on mute and turning off my tunes so we were in silence. It reminded me when u read your post.

Host them at yours and show them how it’s done!

Maybe they just don't know how to host. They sound nervous and unsure of themselves. But well-meaning.

I’ve done all the three courses over the years, fiddly bits and to be honest too much gets wasted, we have too much food etc. I now just serve a huge Sunday roast with turkey. With a family of boys no one is interested in my crafted crackers, delicate starters etc. I tend to think as women we create a lot of work, then moan about it and the fact that no one appreciates it so I’ve simplified it to make it more fun for me.

This. We all love our own parents Christmas. But you need to compromise.

Or any food, by the sound of it. Nothing to eat from 8am to 5pm? Bugger that!

Why don't you host the year that you have the in laws? Then you can have some control over how the day goes, the food, the chat etc

She offered to help this time. They turned her down.

I feel so sorry for your in laws. They did their best but didn't rise to the standards of your highly experienced host parents.

I personally think once you become a parent yourself you should - circumstances permitting - host Christmas yourself! See your own traditions and things you like / want to do and invite who you want

I would definitely host and alternate.

I think the Xmas seems fine.

They followed you to change the nappy because I assume they just wanted to show their support.

They of course wanted to come on the walk with you too.
I actually think it was quite rude of you and DH to go on a walk and expect them not to come.

They of course want to spend more time with you now you have DC.

The only thing I would change, is having Xmas morning and home (and breakfast) and then going/inviting them to yours for late morning/midday.

My in-laws would be exactly like this. This is why I’ve never in 17 years spent a Christmas Day with them. Saw them today. Fucking painful. Just got home and never been happier.

Christmas is ALL about nice food.
I can pop in and see people all year round for a chat and semi skimmed coffee....
I wouldn't go again.
Certainly host them at yours.
After the religious element ( which we no
Longer do)
It's all about the feast ...that's the celebration, eat drink and be merry.
I'd feel I'd failed as a host if I hadn't over fed everyone .
Tomorrow we've got about 20.
It's once a year, so will make it really special.... I love it.

Oh what a lovely young man ...and kind of sad too... I have a friend who said when she was younger she didn't have one single happy Christmas memory.
She does now ....and has 3 grandchildren to boot

Op don't go again...

This would be the ideal. It's too late now for OP but when we had DS we said we would no longer be going anywhere for Christmas day/Dinner. We travelled up to my parents' on Boxing Day this year and are seeing my in laws at New Year.

You could dilute it by not alternating but doing your house, your parents and his parents on a loop.

Underwhelming?
You mean a bit S**t?
My mil ...who was never the easiest still managed Christmas
Taught me a thing or too.
Though I did have to calmer her down with presents.
Christmas is OTT
As it's just another Sunday and there's another 51 of them you can use.

Good
Your second up dates makes it worse .... food turned down from yourself, not wanting to play the games ..,,