MIL makes everything into a grand gesture

[Forleaznavidad]

My MIL has to turns everything she does into a huge gesture and show and it drives me nuts. A few examples; she and FIL are staying for Christmas. She wanted to give some money to cover food as they’re eating here for every meal for a week inc Christmas dinner, but it has to be a huge gesture and ‘tradition’ she’s passing on - it means DH and I have to be tripping over ourselves to be grateful when I was fully expecting them to contribute in some way to the food costs - why can’t she just say ‘I’ll transfer you £x to cover our food’?

Another example there’s a traditional Christmas film she wants to watch as she watched it with DH when he was little. It was on catchup so I said we would put it on. Nope, MIL must watch it alone with my DD to ‘keep the tradition’ even though DD is 6 months old and doesn’t really watch TV. She’s asked if I can leave her alone with DD tomorrow afternoon so they can watch it. Again does it have to be a big deal?

Whenever we eat a meal there’s a speech for which we must be thankful to her. Christmas presents are another huge gesture and if we don’t respond appropriately by telling her how grateful we are then she’ll be hurt and in a foul mood all day.

Why is she like this? I know it’s turned into a bit of a rant but it does feel much better to get it out in writing. It drives me nuts!

Prime main character syndrome.

My BIL also suffers from it, and it's infuriating. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a "WOO! Look at me!" statement about something relating to himself.

Most annoying though is when, in a brief lull in conversation, he'll quietly pipe up with something a bit outrageous to get a reaction. But it's always something that makes him look like superman, like, "I just reached my 500th hour of volunteer hours at work for this year, literally the day the office closed for the holiday..." Or, "I travelled first class to Belfast for a 10 minute visit to see a friend in hospital..." He'll always let his sentence trail off in a "oh, shucks, little old me?!" kind of way.

Then he'll look around to see who is giving him the "Wow! What a hero!" smile of admiration, or better still a, "tell us more!"

Fortunately, Dsis has heard all these tales before, and the rest of the family just pretend we haven't heard him.

OP suggested them all watching the film together but her MIL has told OP to leave the house so that she can 'carry on' the tradition of watching this film with her 6 month old grand-daughter. Her tradition was actually watching it with her own child, so this isn't actually carrying on a tradition at all. It is making a new one to exclude OP from something that she wants to do with her own daughter in her own house.

This is all very hostile - why not just accept her ideas a bit, thank her for giving a bit of money towards the festivities, we often go to my partners grown up children’s homes for meals and stuff and never offer money- so she wants to start a little tradition with her grandchild? Who does it hurt, nobody and maybe when your darling dc is 5 and full of Christmas energy you’ll be glad to say to them it’s time for your tradition film !
life’s about give and take and yeah sometimes it’s more giving and accepting the quirks but it does no harm - let her have her moments !!

She sounds like hard work and I wouldn't have the patience for it , I'm not known for biting my tongue and if my OH went against what I'd said he would be going home with his parents

Just a typical MN MIL.
Grand gestures and announcements that’s what’s required of a MN MIL, they’re all the same.

If have to be more sarcastic, like “oh yes like the tradition I have with Asda, every time I go shopping I pay at the till” 🙄

The next time she does something that requires even the tiniest thank-you, get her one of those enormous cards. Let showing your appreciation be an even grander gesture.

😂

Oh I've gone past the frothing over such silly behaviour now. My menopause must be settling down or something 😆I now accept these various characters in my family for who they are, roll my eyes a bit at DH behind their backs, and have a little joke about them in the other room, don't pay their annoying bits any attention/brush them off/change the subject and defininitely do not pander to anything you are really unhappy about.

Well in my case, it is my own dm. Her latest was messaging me asking what I was buying with the £20 she had given me for Christmas. I had thanked her on Christmas day for her card and money, i know she was seeking more acknowledgement, and didn't feel it needed mentioned again.
I gave her a lot of gifts for Christmas and spend a lot because dm also buys for the dcs, and gave dh £20 too. She said thank you on Christmas day for her gifts which was great; she was really pleased with them. I haven't mentioned it again since, by would I? Why dm feels the need to mention money or gifts she gets again and again I don't know, but it drives me nuts!

Well ,that's not seeking another thanks, it's just wondering if you'd bought yourself anything yet.