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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a sleepover shouldn't include 44yr old dad who stays up till 3am and is v loud?

85 replies

AdhdNewMama · 25/12/2024 09:37

So my sisters have previously ended up having a massive sleepover with their kids at my mum's house and this includes 'kids' who are in their late 20s to ones as young as 10 and I was not invited to the last one in summer. At the time I was on maternity leave and had a 8month old so I could have popped in for a bit, perhaps not to sleep but I could have been included..but I wasn't.
When I heard they were doing another over Xmas hols I made it clear that my 1yr old would like to be included and they all made comments about how they look forward to seeing him over hols. I imagined waking up in the morning and him having lots of cousins and aunts to play with but now I'm sitting on a single bed, in my old room with him playing next to me as my sister said the older kids will want to catch up on sleep.

This sleepover was not how I imagined, my older brother (44) came over and was practically shouting and laughing at the top of his voice at 2.30am, he ended up taking the largest room with king size bed with his son though via text he said he'd sleep in living room and he gave me the smallest room with a single for me and my toddler. His ten year old son ended up joining the other kids downstairs so he got a whole king size bed to himself.

Clearly I'm not a night owl but surely going to sleep at 3am is very late for a sleepover? They could have been a bit more considerate and not howled so loudly through the night? And do 44yr old dads usually want to join in with sleepovers?
I would have expected a bit more consideration.

And my mum actually told me not to go in living room - despite them he being awake - because she didn't want them disturbed.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/12/2024 09:40

I think the issue is you had a different expectation of it than how they expect it. Nobody is necessarily wrong it’s just a big group issue especially if the discussions haven’t taken place before

DoAWheelie · 25/12/2024 09:43

You insisted on joining their thing and now want to dictate how they do it? YABU.

HPandthelastwish · 25/12/2024 09:43

Well the titles a bit disingenuous, this isn't a sleepover of children's friends. This is a family event. I'd say a one year old is too young anyway. You could have brought a travel cot with you. And sleepovers tend to be staying up late, playing games and watching films etc. You have an issue with your brother and if you become the fun police will not be invited again.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2024 09:45

DoAWheelie · 25/12/2024 09:43

You insisted on joining their thing and now want to dictate how they do it? YABU.

This. Their thing, their rules. It’s not really what I would call a sleepover anyway it’s a family gathering.

Maybe the reason you weren’t initially invited was because they knew you weren’t going to like it.

InWalksBarberalla · 25/12/2024 09:46

You knew this was a get together with adults, teenagers and the youngest kid being 10 though. It sounds like you were expecting a kiddy sleepover?

Namechange1345677 · 25/12/2024 09:48

You really didn't understand what you were joining did you? It was rather obvious that it wasn't a cutesy kid sleepover....

arcticpandas · 25/12/2024 09:51

You wanted you toddler to join a sleepover with older kids, sorry but Yabu. Why shouldn't your brother join since you are there as well? You're feeling left out but it's down to the kids being older than your baby.

Hisnutsroastingonanopenfire · 25/12/2024 09:52

It sounds like a thing the ones with older children do so it's geared towards them not small ones. YABU on this.

Brefugee · 25/12/2024 09:54

sorry, OP, you were in the wrong to insist on being included. And i do feel bad for you/your DC that by the time they are old enough for this the others will be too old. But it is what it is.

You should have been clear on your expectations if you wanted particular activities. And now you know. Sorry. it must feel like shit, but that is how things are with older DC.

Everlygreen · 25/12/2024 09:56

Now you know why you were not included, you are incredible UR. Firstly why would an 8mo come to a sleep over let alone a 1yo? It will be anything but fun for everyone. Also these kids are older and parents at that age should have fun, you sound miserable op.

Freetodowhatiwant · 25/12/2024 09:58

That sounds a lot of fun to me and how nice for the family to all be together to do something a little different. Sorry it has upset you but I definitely feel you’re the one BU with this one. Join in and have fun! Who cares if your toddler didn’t get enough sleep for one night. It’s not going to make a massive difference. And also how nice for your mum to have her 44 year old son stay over too. Not everyone does that. Relax and join in the fun.

Miyagi99 · 25/12/2024 10:01

It’s not a sleepover really though is it?! It’s family all staying over in one house, it sounds fun to me. And anyway if you have ever been to an actual sleepover you should know everyone stays up until the early hours, that’s part of the attraction.

DaniMontyRae · 25/12/2024 10:01

You don't get to dictate how everyone has fun. It was obvious why an 8 month old wasn't invited to a sleepover with older children/teens/young adults. And it's also obvious why you had to essentially guilt an invite this time around with a 1 year old. A 1 year old cannot take part in a sleepover. You clearly had no intention of taking part in the sleepover yourself so I don't understand why you chose to stay.

Flatandhappy · 25/12/2024 10:02

They were planning a social event and you insisted on coming with your 1yo because you “wanted him to be included” sorry but you are being absolutely ridiculous.

Sossijiz · 25/12/2024 10:04

This is why sensible parents don't insist on taking small children everywhere.

Purplevelvetshoes · 25/12/2024 10:08

Why the hell did you take a 1 year old to a sleep over?

TrueFashion · 25/12/2024 10:09

Did you expect a 1y old to wake at the same time as someone in their late teens/twenties?!

Try not to ruin the day with petty resentment. None of this is personal. Relax and enjoy Christmas.

MauveGoose · 25/12/2024 10:10

C'mon OP, I really doubt your 1 yr old asked to be included in this sleepover 😂

Leafy74 · 25/12/2024 10:18

How did your 1 year old express his interest in being included?

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 25/12/2024 10:19

Oh dear op......you can't invite yourself to something because you have a bad case of FOMO then try and dictate how they do things. Try to lighten up, you might even enjoy yourself 😬

onehundredpaws · 25/12/2024 10:20

I don’t get it, what sort of sleepover is this? A sleepover for adults, kids and a one-year old? If so why..!?

diddl · 25/12/2024 10:21

So this is them getting together for Christmas?

And you weren't invited until you invited yourself?

KeeKees · 25/12/2024 10:21

I can see why they didn't invite you. A 1 year old is going to be on opposite sleeping patterns and waking hours to everyone else who I'd clearly having fun. Don't be the fun police.

PheasantPluckers · 25/12/2024 10:23

This was clearly not a sleepover for young kids. Even the 10 year old is vastly different to a 1 year old.

Why do you particilarly take exception to your brother and the fact he's 44?

Anywherebuthere · 25/12/2024 10:24

You wanted to be included but now you're complaining it's not as you expected.

Nothing wrong with being in a single bed with a 1 year old for a night. Obviously a 10 year old needs more space so makes sense your brother chose the larger bed even though the sleeping arrangement didn't go as he planned.

Also nothing wrong with an uncle joining in having fun with the kids.