To think a sleepover shouldn't include 44yr old dad who stays up till 3am and is v loud?

[AdhdNewMama]

So my sisters have previously ended up having a massive sleepover with their kids at my mum's house and this includes 'kids' who are in their late 20s to ones as young as 10 and I was not invited to the last one in summer. At the time I was on maternity leave and had a 8month old so I could have popped in for a bit, perhaps not to sleep but I could have been included..but I wasn't.
When I heard they were doing another over Xmas hols I made it clear that my 1yr old would like to be included and they all made comments about how they look forward to seeing him over hols. I imagined waking up in the morning and him having lots of cousins and aunts to play with but now I'm sitting on a single bed, in my old room with him playing next to me as my sister said the older kids will want to catch up on sleep.

This sleepover was not how I imagined, my older brother (44) came over and was practically shouting and laughing at the top of his voice at 2.30am, he ended up taking the largest room with king size bed with his son though via text he said he'd sleep in living room and he gave me the smallest room with a single for me and my toddler. His ten year old son ended up joining the other kids downstairs so he got a whole king size bed to himself.

Clearly I'm not a night owl but surely going to sleep at 3am is very late for a sleepover? They could have been a bit more considerate and not howled so loudly through the night? And do 44yr old dads usually want to join in with sleepovers?
I would have expected a bit more consideration.

And my mum actually told me not to go in living room - despite them he being awake - because she didn't want them disturbed.

I am reminded of the time when one guest announced we would have Christmas dinner at 12noon to fit in round pfb's sleep schedule.

We said that wasn't happening. Pfb could fit round normal timing.

Why did you think a baby would enjoy an event where the other participants ranged from ten to 44. There aren't any other kids anywhere near their age. And why shouldn't they stay up late, the idea isn't have a load of people round and everyone says lights out at 10pm. Why have a 'sleepover' if it's not different from a normal night. Sorry, but I think you just had different expectations but it's certainly not your family's fault.

💯 % this

Where did I say I dictated how others would do things, I accepted sleeping in a single bed in the smallest room - there were three spare rooms in total, a king for my brother, a double for my nieces, a blow up double, and more additional sleeping arrangements in living room.

And to those people who clearly misunderstood and thought I meant my baby expressed an interest in being involved ...How idiotic, ofcourse the one year old didn't say this, I said I made it clear that id like my one year old to be part of the family get together, just in the same way that when all their kids were babies they were included in family get togethers and their mum's stayed over back when I was a teenager living at home and accepting that I'd wake up to a baby niece or nephew usually climbing over me and I'd pitch in and change nappies, prepare formula, get toddlers dressed etc...not that I was expecting any kind of help like that but I was expecting to be included in a big family get together.

And you sound like an absolute delight Karen(!)

Every single 'kid' at the sleepover would have spent a night in the house when they were much younger than 8 months old. It was always a way for family to spend more time getting to know the new additions to the family.

do 44yr old dads usually want to join in with sleepovers?

You have a child so I am guessing you are an adult too, you wanted to join, so why should your brother be any different?

Who said lights were out at 10pm? I put baby to bed and joined in with movie watching till 1am at which point I wanted to be near baby incase he woke.

OP: am I being unreasonable?

Everyone: Yes.

OP: no I'm not, you Karen's.

FFS grow up OP!! No wonder they didn't invite you.

Ok.....and this is similar because? As a family we don't actually celebrate Christmas as such, it's just a bank holiday that we sometimes get together for, I didn't change anyone's plans nor did I tell 'announce' that I wanted any arrangements to change.

OP, in the nicest way, you sound like hard work.

my sister said the older kids will want to catch up on sleep.
I would have said the same. I expect a sleepover/ gathering to be much later than normal, kids & teens being excited and not sleeping when they should.

People catch up on sleep in the morning, why would you want to ruin that?

I am sorry you are with a much younger child who doesn't sleep in, but you know at what time your child usually wake, it's completely BU to expect others to change their schedule for you.

I can’t believe you used the misogynistic term ‘Karen’ for a previous poster. Rude and spiteful

Don’t ask people if you are being unreasonable if you can’t handle the answer.

Tbh a 44 year old sounds more 'in place' than a 1 year old.

Of course they were going to be up late, and won't want to be playing with/entertaining a baby early doors.

It was a family sleepover, why wouldn't your brother want to join? It's his family too, right?

I think it sounds like fun, but too much for a 1-year-old. I also don't think 3am is too late for a sleepover. You could have taken your child home when it became apparent that it was going to be a late night, and come back in the morning.

Were a tea total household, not the point you're making I appreciate that but just incase anyone has this idea that is was some crazy drunken get together, not at all. We don't even celebrate Xmas as such.

Thank you. Yes I appreciate that point and that's why I stayed in my room for a good hour so as not to disturb those sleeping and only entered the living room once I could hear my nephew's talking to one other so I knew they were awake. I said morning to them, grabbed a few toys and when leaving was told by my sister not to disturb them as they'd want to sleep ...that's where my surprise was.
This is the same sister who had a daughter who when she was 6 months regularly slept in my bed whilst I was a teenager during holidays/ exam period. I just accepted it back then as part and parcel of the holiday experience ...certainly wouldn't think my sister should know better than to visit with her baby ...

Karen!?

Now you showed your true self.

🤮

Sounds like your expectations of the ‘sleepover’ were way off. Nobody’s fault.

You don't come across as very easy going OP and why start to insult posters who disagree with you? The whole point of AIBU is to get peoples opinions. The way you come across surely you can understand that they would hesitate to invite you. A sleepover is for older kids who can actually enjoy it.

I think the trouble is the rest of your family have moved on from the ‘little kid’ stage; 10 year olds are pretty self sufficient in these types of fluid party/sleepover situation but you are expecting things to be the same as when your siblings were new parents - but in reality it seems like everyone has moved onto a different phase of their lives.

It does suck as you probably have been waiting a long time for it to be your turn to introduce a new baby to the family, but it seems you are a bit out of sync with your family at this stage of your life.

ETA I just saw you called another poster ‘Karen’ so all my sympathy for you has faded..

I think this post completely nails it.

Are you the youngest sibling by a significant margin OP? I am. I wasn’t really included in things they were doing when I was a child and my children weren’t included in cousin/older family stuff like this until they were 10+. I could’ve forced the issue like you did here but the fact is that despite having the same position in the family they are simply not in the same stage of life. Now my older three DC absolutely love events like that and my older nieces/nephews have babies the same ages as my younger two so it works out better for everyone.

I think the problem is that you are listening to a 1 year old.

You lost me at ‘Karen’.

@AdhdNewMama There's no need to be defensive. I just don't agree that you have anything much to complain about.

ETA I just saw you called another poster ‘Karen’ so all my sympathy for you has faded........

Same here, OP.
Slurs like that are intolerable.