To think a sleepover shouldn't include 44yr old dad who stays up till 3am and is v loud?

[AdhdNewMama]

So my sisters have previously ended up having a massive sleepover with their kids at my mum's house and this includes 'kids' who are in their late 20s to ones as young as 10 and I was not invited to the last one in summer. At the time I was on maternity leave and had a 8month old so I could have popped in for a bit, perhaps not to sleep but I could have been included..but I wasn't.
When I heard they were doing another over Xmas hols I made it clear that my 1yr old would like to be included and they all made comments about how they look forward to seeing him over hols. I imagined waking up in the morning and him having lots of cousins and aunts to play with but now I'm sitting on a single bed, in my old room with him playing next to me as my sister said the older kids will want to catch up on sleep.

This sleepover was not how I imagined, my older brother (44) came over and was practically shouting and laughing at the top of his voice at 2.30am, he ended up taking the largest room with king size bed with his son though via text he said he'd sleep in living room and he gave me the smallest room with a single for me and my toddler. His ten year old son ended up joining the other kids downstairs so he got a whole king size bed to himself.

Clearly I'm not a night owl but surely going to sleep at 3am is very late for a sleepover? They could have been a bit more considerate and not howled so loudly through the night? And do 44yr old dads usually want to join in with sleepovers?
I would have expected a bit more consideration.

And my mum actually told me not to go in living room - despite them he being awake - because she didn't want them disturbed.

Your one year old didn't want to be included..because they're one ffs.

How exactly did your one year old express their desire to be included? Surely they don’t know what a sleepover?

I made it clear that my 1yr old would like to be included

How did your 1yr old make this clear to you?

So now that you and 1 yr old are better informed, it's clear that you both don't really like sleepovers.
It's pretty much a given that there will be disturbed sleep and fun and antics in the wee small hours..

No one wants a toddler at a sleepover of whatever type. Toddlers need to go to bed at their usual time and then they get up early. You have created this issue yourself

So. You wanted the entire event to be centred around your 1yr olds schedule despite the fact that that schedule would not have suited a single other person at the family event? Can you not see how incredibly self absorbed that is?

Knowing the ages of everyone going and the sleeping logistics, your expectations were silly.

With a 1 year old, I would have just gone for the day, after lunch time ish!

Merry Christmas OP!
I'm sorry you're not enjoying yourself.

What a terrible idea.

Your family saw it as an Xmas eve piss up

You thought it was going to be a kids sleepover despite the youngest child being 10.

Oh get and get your turkey ready and get off here for flip sake.. read between the lines. One year olds love being around their older cousins , at that age they are fully aware of their surroundings. Stop being so silly.

YABU and being grumpy.

I assume you didn’t get much sleep, so you’re a bit tired and teasy.

It sounds like a great idea to have a giant sleep over.

It makes sense that you have the smallest room considering you have a toddler.

It’s also understandable that your 1yo would wake up earlier than the teens.

If my brother was being noisy then I would have told him to keep it down.

I am not as old as him yet but I would absolutely want to be involved in this.

No one has an early night on a sleepover, especially when it’s Xmas the next day and everyone’s all excited.

I think this sounds great and I would love if my child had this opportunity.
You just sound miserable.

You should have the big bed though OP but don’t stay trapped in your room - after all, Christmas is family time!

Come on, a sleepover with a one year old was never going to be fun. You romanticised some idea of DC waking up and playing with other kids (which was a reach anyway as one is too young to get the benefit of that), but forgot to think the rest of it through and are now being tragic about your being in your old bedroom, which was surely the most likely thing to happen and isn't so bad with only yourself and a baby. Course bro would get a bigger bed for him and a 10yo and couldn't have known the 10yo wouldn't sleep in with him. Sounds like they just have older kids and are used to doing this and having fun with it while you wanted to make it about the 1yo which is a bit impractical for everyone else. Sleepovers aren't for getting a good night's sleep so if you want that, sleep in your own bed and join them when you're awake and up for being sociable.

Why would OP get the big bed?

She has a toddler who can share a single bed or have a travel cot.

Her brother was planning on sharing his bed with his much older child and so they needed more space.

It's obvious more suited to adults and young adults. Maybe leave it till yours is a bit older

Sounds like they organised a party, sleeping over so they could all drink and stay up late and sleep in without getting back home late at night. You thought it was more of a childrens sleepover and tou have a 1 year old. I think your expectations were way off but at least now you know. I would have probably put the baby to bed and gone and joined them. But equally, with a 1 year old you are probably tired enough to stay up that late. I think you have some time to wait until you will find this fun until your little one is a bit bigger and you want to let loose.

Turkey? Gross! YABVVVU. But one year olds don’t know about sleepovers with 20 year olds. One year olds go to bed at 8pm. It would be ok for OP to just say “I wanted my kid to be involved”. It’s ok to be honest.

This is presumably why they didn't invite you before

It sounds as if your kid is just the wrong age. If everyone else is 10+ they are going to have very little interest in a toddler. Your world revolves around your child and rightly so but being honest by the time my kids were 10+ I was so over babies and toddlers and much prefer get togethers with older kids/adults. You insisted that you were included and they did include you but you have to slot in rather than expect it to be centred around your young child.

She did say she wants her kid involved... just because she said it in a way you deem unacceptable doesn't mean that's not what she meant. Yes small kids don't know what a 'sleepover' is but they know what their surroundings are and family environment ! That's the point I'm making , what you said is so silly and pointless. It all means the same thing at the end of the day. Op wants her kid involved regardless to how she explained it.

“I made it clear that my 1yr old would like to be included”

Sleepover? This sounds like a family party.
TBF I have teenagers and they had to be woken up this morning so I don't think it's unreasonable that some of them want a lie in or that they wouldn't get up with a toddler. I have been to lots of family dos where it just been me or my mum getting up with my kids and no sign of my siblings. These days I don't think my 13yr&17yr old would get out of bed for there 5 month cousin, I'm not even sure I would.
If your brother had shared a bed with his son they probably would of taken up more room than you and your toddler.
I don't agree with the howling and the sleeping situation sounds uncomfortable but maybe you could invest in one of those blow up childrens travel beds to cover the situation and it would of been easier. That's what mine had.

You’re just not in the same place as them.

The parents of the older kids have done their time raising toddlers, and now they understandably want to enjoy the benefits of having older children. I wouldn’t try to hold them back or get them to change what they’re doing, because toddler.

You told them your 1 year old wanted to be included? 😂😂Did he tell you that?

I have great sympathy for you OP.

But I do understand that the older ones won't want a year-old baby climbing all over them on Christmas morning.

And do 44 year-old dads usually want to join in with sleepovers?

Yes, if it's a family get-together.

As much as babies want to. Probably more, actually.

The trouble is that your baby won't know it's Christmas. They won't know next year either.

Is it the baby's first Christmas? I can see why it's special to you, @AdhdNewMama But everyone else is so much older. And if they've been awake half the night, they'll want to sleep in.