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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws buying presents for grandkids to play with at their house exaclusively

95 replies

isizweird · 24/12/2024 23:25

They're 5 and 2 and a half years old.

They don't spend excessive amounts at in laws house but slowly they've started buying this for them to use exclusively there. I believe tomorrow's presents that are apparently from Santa, are all to stay put at grandmas house.

Is this a normal thing ? I am not sure how I feel about it. The occasionally thing, fine, but now everything they buy needs to stay at grandmas house ? Or am I being weird ? Would love opinions.

Grandmas house is full of toys.. btw. Old toys her kids had and also new ones she's bought for my kids.

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 24/12/2024 23:26

No that’s normal. Gifts they are wrapped belong to the recipient, to take home and enjoy.

If grandparents want toys at their house they need to buy them separately.

Breamresubmitted · 24/12/2024 23:27

I think it's a nice idea tbh. When I was little I thought keeping "my things" at my GPs made them special.

Lovelysummerdays · 24/12/2024 23:27

Honestly I’d just go with it. Grandmas house can be fun with lots to do and going there a treat rather than a chore.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 24/12/2024 23:28

Not normal for Santa to leave presents there or for them to be restricted to her house. I’d be very clear that Santa only comes to the child’s house and gifts are given without strings attached

Dontwearmysocks · 24/12/2024 23:28

It’s a bit strange from the GPS but if it has to be that way - the gifts are from Grandma and Grandpa NOT SANTA!!

Poppyseeds79 · 24/12/2024 23:29

No, it's weird. If they bought a trampoline or a swing set then yes I could totally understand it staying there. If it's portable items then the kids are going to want to bring them home.

Original poster
isizweird · 24/12/2024 23:29

Dontwearmysocks · 24/12/2024 23:28

It’s a bit strange from the GPS but if it has to be that way - the gifts are from Grandma and Grandpa NOT SANTA!!

I know I also said that.. the gifts are from them and not from Father Christmas.. but they ignored me so who knows what they'll say tomorrow.

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 24/12/2024 23:30

Mind if it's mostly tat... Then I'd be happy to be the bigger person and leave it there 😁

motherboredd · 24/12/2024 23:30

My mil did this. I thought it was weird but it didn't bother my child so I just went with it.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 24/12/2024 23:31

Just get in there first - looks at these lovely gifts from granny, say thank you to granny, isn’t that kind of granny?!

Edingril · 24/12/2024 23:31

I would be fine with it

CheatsAtScrabble · 24/12/2024 23:31

I think that’s fine. Children often have so many toys that the rarity value of the ones at granny’s house will probably make them enjoy them more.

Original poster
isizweird · 24/12/2024 23:32

Maybe they're doing it because they have so many toys at home.

But apparently they're gifting a doll house and DD doesn't have a doll house and it makes me sad if she wouldn't be able to bring it home. And also that the decision is just made for us, like : ' we are keeping these gifts here'.. no discussion about it kinda thing.

OP posts:
HPandthelastwish · 24/12/2024 23:32

Honestly, it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. This is one of those things you'll look back on in 10 years and wondered why you were bothered. The more toys at their house the better and frees up space at your house.

Are they trying to encourage you/DH to bring them around more?

MamaAndTheSofa · 24/12/2024 23:32

My ILs also give the kids presents "from Santa" at their house... I do find it weird, but we just tell the kids that Nanny and Grandpa like to pretend they're from Santa, and just to play along.

The presents don't stay at their house, though, they come home - nothing wrong with choosing some things to leave there to play with, but it should be the kids' choice.

motherboredd · 24/12/2024 23:33

Actually now I think about it, the only year she didn't do it was when she bought her this massive plastic kitchen monstrosity. We were allowed to take that one home! Funny that!! I ended up giving it back to her a few months later for dd to play at her house Grin

PokerFriedDips · 24/12/2024 23:37

It's fine for there to be toys that stay at grandparents house but they aren't gifts if the recipient can't do what they want with them. Gifts with strings attached are narcissistic and manipulative. Is it possible to ask her to stop pretending that these are gifts and let them just be the toys that are at grandma's house? She doesn't have to buy anyone presents if she doesn't want to but anything that is given as a gift should be the actual possession of the recipient.

PermanentTemporary · 24/12/2024 23:38

I really wouldn't spend a moment's effort trying to make the Santa story make 100% sense. Children don't care.

I think it's a brilliant idea to have toys that live only at GPs. Much more exciting and they might actually play with more if what they get. Also kind of GPs not to overwhelm your place with stuff.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 24/12/2024 23:39

Can you explain to your children that granny probably wants to play with the toys herself when they aren't there. My parents did keep some toys at their house but never new or expensive ones. The children did though like the novelty of toys at their house. I guess at least you can see if she likes the doll house and then get a similar one for home at some point.

Freshflower · 25/12/2024 00:56

I get how that would be weird. Doing the santa thing at her house and then keeping the gifts for child at hers , not giving to the child to take back home, over stepping a bit , but I'd say OK to of course keep some bits back for grandma's house but not everything. Would be good if she asked you or child which ones they'd like to take back home

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 25/12/2024 04:17

It might work out well in practice but it is a manipulative tactic.

Will they insist, if Dd is really distressed not to take HER new toy home with her?

thepariscrimefiles · 25/12/2024 04:27

isizweird · 24/12/2024 23:32

Maybe they're doing it because they have so many toys at home.

But apparently they're gifting a doll house and DD doesn't have a doll house and it makes me sad if she wouldn't be able to bring it home. And also that the decision is just made for us, like : ' we are keeping these gifts here'.. no discussion about it kinda thing.

It would make sense if your in-laws did regular child care for your children at their home. If your children don't spend much time there, they are unreasonable to do this. In effect, they are not really your children's toys if they are not allowed to take them home, they belong to your in-laws.

What's their rationale for doing this? Will your daughter be upset about leaving her new doll's house at her grandparents.

Shellybeans · 25/12/2024 04:42

I think it’s weird and I’d have a problem with it personally, from in-laws or my own parents. Gifts are for the recipient, little kids especially should be able to have their presents to play with in their home. I do think it’s fine for grandparents to have toys and activities at their home, especially if the grandkids are there a lot, but I wouldn’t want those given as Christmas or birthday gifts.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 25/12/2024 04:46

It’s a great idea. Less shit at your house and the toys retain more desirability as they’re not seeing them all the time. They sound like cool GPs. Happy Christmas.🎄

springtome · 25/12/2024 04:48

It's normal to have toys at GP house but I don't think it's normal to insist Christmas and birthday presents remain there.

I would nip in the bud the Santa leaving presents at their house though. My in laws tried this but I never allowed the idea to flourish. In no story or film about Santa does he go to a child's own house and then a grandparents house as well and I felt this would be confusing. Plus I always wanted the giver of gifts to be acknowledged.