In laws buying presents for grandkids to play with at their house exaclusively

[isizweird]

They're 5 and 2 and a half years old.

They don't spend excessive amounts at in laws house but slowly they've started buying this for them to use exclusively there. I believe tomorrow's presents that are apparently from Santa, are all to stay put at grandmas house.

Is this a normal thing ? I am not sure how I feel about it. The occasionally thing, fine, but now everything they buy needs to stay at grandmas house ? Or am I being weird ? Would love opinions.

Grandmas house is full of toys.. btw. Old toys her kids had and also new ones she's bought for my kids.

I think it's a nice idea.The kids will only have a problem if you make it clear to them that you have a problem.

It's not normal for Santa to leave presents from grandparents. But if your kids have loads of toys anyway it's nice to leave some at the grandparents house. I wouldn't upset a child though if they really wanted to keep them at their own house.

I have never known kids give a shiny shit who ‘brings’ the presents.
if your daughter is desperate to take the dolly house home, she could ask and you say you will return it but it’s sooo special and she loves it sooo much you will just pop it in the car. 😬

I understand the premise but why for Xmas?

I’d just , when leaving, say dd let’s pack up your new dolls house to take home. If they say no it’s staying here id carry on removing it, I assume if they try and wrestle it off you you will triumph being younger!

Honestly, I'd take control and buy the same present for a home that appears ready to play with whilst they are out that 'mummy collected from Santa'. GPs are left with an expensive present that isn't a novelty. My excuse: The children were confused when Santa's presents didn't come home, so in order not to spoil the Santa story, I quickly repurchased. I bet GPs won't do the same next year!

I thought this was normal. Plus it saves me having to “conveniently leave” some toys at grandparents houses. Usually the really noisy ones seem to get left, don’t know why?!

Why? This sounds more childish than any children you have

I would not be bothered OP.
I used to play with toys at my aunties house, left from her then grown up children. And they were a special thing to have. It made our time there fun. Made memories associated to them.
It would have not been the same if she had gifted them to us. It would lose the special, occasional side.
But they were never more important to us than the ones our parents and grandparents got us.
Whether the presents are from Santa or the Grandparents, well does it not depend on the child's age? Whether they believe or not?

I agree it’s lovely to have some special toys just at GP’s house and GPs who care that much. However it’s not really a gift if it comes with limits.

Why on earth can’t Santa go to more than one house?! I seem to be missing something here. He comes to yours as usual. Then later you write a letter from an “elf” or something, saying that he popped around to Grandma’s and left presents there too - how exciting !

My DC cope with having divorced parents and Father Christmas visiting both homes, and it never blew their minds 😁 As adults, you do get to control the narrative.

The same with the presents, “He took toys that will stay there so that you always have those toys when you visit; how lovely!”. Then you all move on with life, your DC have toys in both homes, grandparents happy, and if you really need a dolls house in both homes then just buy your DD one yourself. They aren’t really portable items and if it is taken back ti yours, in all honesty it probably won’t make it back to the in in-laws.

Perhaps your MIL is really looking forward to choosing furniture with your DD as time goes on, and making it something special that they do together - and what a lovely memory that will Bt for your DD when she older. You don’t get to control everything and be mean about someone doing something nice!

Saves you having to find room for them.

Where’s your partner in this? I’d expect him to just say no thanks then, that’s not a present. It’s lovely, you gave it to dd, and dd is taking it home.

No gifts no but my parents did have a bucket of toys, crayons, a small chair and table etc when my kids were small.
It was very useful to know the kids didn’t need to take much round there house.

Im not being mean about it. I think it's mean to give a present to a child with conditions attached.

It's controlling. What would be nice is to ask the child and parent ' would you like to keep this here as a special toy when you visit ? And then go with it.

Not dictate that all presents have to stay at grandmas house.

She's already got so many toys for them there. She's already done it randomly. 'Look I got you this, you can keep it here for when you visit '.. but that wasn't for Christmas and it was still hard for my two year old to understand.

Also, there could be some toys that stay and some toys that go home with us.

But to unilaterally declare that all presents stay at grandmas house is mean. Why not discuss it with us first ?

It's normal in our family thank goodness. I don't want the clutter of an indoor trampoline, a massive garden set, dolls house etc, they have lots more room than we do. I forgot the year of the bumper cars! We had nowhere for them at all.

You sound pretty controlling too, to be fair!

One day you might get to be a grandparent and you can do the whole presents thing your way then. But right now it’s not your turn. You sound as if you are determined to make an issue out of a non-issue.

There are so many difficult things that happen in life and in families, and as your DC are growing up there are bound to be challenges and some heartbreaks along the way. Why make this well intentioned event, at Christmas, into something to get annoyed and offended about? What does your DH think, does he care?

I wouldn’t be that bothered because we have so much at home anyway but it would be unfair to the child if it’s something they love and don’t have at home, that they can’t take home to play with regularly.

I wouldn’t want the presents to be from Santa either, pp compared it to Santa visiting divorced parents but that’s different.

@BillyGoaty but that's the thing, when I am a grandparent I won't dictate how presents are to be used. I'll discuss it first.. it's not my time. It's not about me, it's about my grandchild. What's the harm in having a conversation about it first ?

I think everyone's massively over reacting here. GP want some decent toys so the kids have a nice time at their house. Believe me when you're trying to leave them there so you can get a break and they don't want to stay cause it's boring there, you'll rue the day you ever made a deal of this. This is such a non issue it's a bit ridiculous to me.

It makes sense to have toys at the grandparents house surely. It saves you taking toys with you every time you visit. It seems MILs can't do anything right on MN

A 2 year old will find it hard to understand but that’s part of life lessons. It depends entirely on your response and tone used when it’s discussed.

surely your two yea old visits friends / nursery or play groups etc and understands that toys stay there too?

Are they the only grandchildren? Will other children be playing with these toys when they go round?

This makes sense especially for large items or garden equipment that can be used by lots of visiting grandkids. I dont understand why there is an issue and it will make the grandparents house more attractive to visit for the kids.

I think see how it plays out but if your dc wants to take something home later just say she wants to take this home and hopefully if they hear your dc saying this they will relent. Otherwise if your dc is left upset or is upset/looking for it tomorrow/later in the week at home you and your husband will have to say sorry this isn't working. In my opinion it's not worth it if it's meant to be for the dc but just upsets them. I'd rather they gave nothing then tbh. I mean this wouldn't work when DC is a bit older and wants to show friends a toy but it's at grandma's house...