In laws buying presents for grandkids to play with at their house exaclusively

[isizweird]

They're 5 and 2 and a half years old.

They don't spend excessive amounts at in laws house but slowly they've started buying this for them to use exclusively there. I believe tomorrow's presents that are apparently from Santa, are all to stay put at grandmas house.

Is this a normal thing ? I am not sure how I feel about it. The occasionally thing, fine, but now everything they buy needs to stay at grandmas house ? Or am I being weird ? Would love opinions.

Grandmas house is full of toys.. btw. Old toys her kids had and also new ones she's bought for my kids.

Just tell your mil this isn’t happening. What is she going to do, go no contact over it? This is so rude and possessive of your children. Basically she’s blackmailing your dd to want to go there all the time. Screw that!

So instead of just asking to see your children more they’re trying to manipulate them into coming by having toys only at their house. I really don’t understand why you all let so many people bully you and make decisions for your children. I’d be picking the toys up and taking them home. No one manipulated my children or tells me what to do when it comes to them. Toys at Grandmas and Grandpas are fine but they’re not gifts. Stand up for your kids and yourself. Don’t let this rubbish occur especially not on Christmas.

If you have too many toys at your home and have said so in the past and do not want them to get big gifts (e.g. dollhouse) because of this , then, maybe they want to help. This does not seem to be the case. Gifts , I think, should be without (such direct) strings attached.

We do this. My DPs live 300miles away from us and so i love that the DC have special toys at their house for whenever we go and stay. DD1 gets so excited when we arrive and the toys come out. Maybe its different if you see them more regularly than we do I suppose. What usually happens is GPs buy some smaller items from them to take to our house and the big stuff stays at their house. We have a big family on DH side and my DC just end up with so much stuff even though we try to be thoughtful with gifts and not overload them, so it also saves my house!

Mine do this and I've never even given it a 2nd thought. We have so much toys here I'm glad too offload some of them and it's nice for them to have special toys at their grandparents. There's no malice in it, I couldn't bring myself to get worked up about it.

Sorry to hear but this granny is more about her own feelings than her grandkids OP. It’s a conversation you will need to have,

‘Granny thank you lovely present. DD is desperate to play with it so she needs to take it home with her. Come and see us if you’d like to see her playing with it there, that would be great.’

Just be polite but firm, Keep reminding that it’s a gift for your DD who doesn’t understand why she would be separated from it.

I'd be annoyed by this.

My grandparents did this when I was a kid - bought me a nice doll that I really liked but wouldn't let me take it home with me and so I could only play with it there. In my own case, we lived miles away from them and rarely saw them (they didn't bother to visit us either) and I probably only got to play with that doll a few times in total before I outgrew it.

Obviously, if you live close by, it seems like a way to try to 'encourage' more visits, but it feels quite manipulative to me.

Having general toys at their house is fine. Keeping the kids Christmas presents at their house though, not so much.

I would take the toys home that are favourites then hide some of the toys your dcs are bored with at home then take them to your in laws the next time you see them. Your in laws will also have a selection of toys already and the two combined is a good use of toy rotation.

Surely if thrse gifts are meant to belong to the children then they should decide whether they want to take them home to play with lots, or if they are happy to leave them there for next time. Not really a gift is it otherwise.

I would be upset for my daughter if she was given a big shiney new dollhouse just to be told she had to leave it behind - feels a bit mean, and like it is trying to bribe the children into visiting more.

I think it is a lovely idea to keep some toys at GPs house. It makes them special as they are not played with every day. However, as a GP, I would also give them presents to take home and any gifts that stay at GPs would be extra.

I would not go along with FC coming to GPs house too. The presents would have to be from them.

I grew up with the idea that grandma had special toys that were only kept at her house, like tea sets and things

If it's something dc particularly like ask mil where she got it so you can replicate it... Show her she's being spiteful.. Not an attractive quality.. Especially in a dgp...

Christmas presents come home. Toys bought to be used at grandparents house and not gifted as a present stay at their house. Loved the box of toys we had at our grandparents...

I insist that the stuff my mum buys stays at her house. She buys mountains of plastic crap and we’ve got too much stuff anyway.

Toys kept at grandparents' houses are always special.

I was at a third birthday party once when a granny packed up the bubble car thing she had just bought her grandson and took it home.

he was distraught .a kept saying but that was for me!

she saw him about once a month! She was a selfish bitch on a power trip.

Exactly what I think too. It's great, and I'm going to do the same if I'm ever lucky enough to be a GP and obviously I'm going to explain it like this and have a wonderful relationship with my son or daughter in law !!

Makes me think they are using the toys as a way to get the kids to visit more often.

But they shouldn’t be given as gifts then taken away.

gifts shouldn’t have conditions or rules. It’s not a real birthday or Christmas present if it doesn’t belong to the child. and if granny says the child can’t have it at their house, then it’s granny’s toy no the child’s toy.

Unless your DC don’t have many toys at home, I don’t see the issue. It’s great that they will have some toys to always play with at their grandparents house.

Not true, our grandchildren made sure that Father Christmas knew they would be at grandma and grandpa's house if they were staying with us and he would leave presents in the right house!

I think I'll just leave it and if the kids want to take the toys home, I'll say something like- perhaps I can buy some toys for them that are just kept here and not given as presents as that is confusing for them. So I'll come one afternoon and drop off some toys and then when you give them presents, they can do what they want with them.

Obviously if the children are staying there Christmas Eve 🙄 it doesn’t sound like these are though. Santa gifts are organised by the parents, anything else is from the person who bought it.

Could work massively in your favour OP if grandmas house toys are very noisy, have lots of very small bits, require excessive adult supervision or are very messy. Paint, clay, glitter, dough, spring to mind.

My mum did that and it was lovely. Granny’s toys were a novelty and it saved all the hassle of lugging stuff about when we visited.