Mil opened presents with toddler while I was at work

[LeChatNoirv]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable or not here, so could do with some advice!

Mil brought her Christmas gifts to my toddler today while I’m at work and DH was at home. She then opened a few (not all) with her. I just feel a bit gutted as these were her first Christmas gifts to open this year and I missed it. Toddler hasn’t opened presents since her first birthday and I really wanted to see that excitement.

DH says I’m overreacting as I’ll see my daughter opening presents tomorrow anyway. Who is unreasonable?

MIL was being spiteful. She had her turn when DH was a child. She should have waited until Christmas Day to open presents.

Just to add - as I am a MIL and if I had opened presents with my GC without my DIL being there - I would suspect that would be the end of our relationship.

Haven't RTWFT but I don't think you are unreasonable, after a day at work, to feel a little deflated and left out and disappointed to have missed your DC opening her first Christmas presents this year. It's just a bit immature on the part of your MIL to have done that and DH and then I don't like the gaslighting about you making a fuss about nothing.

Things like this can easily be overcome by someone admitting that they've been a bit thoughtless and understanding why you feel like you do, simply saying sorry and trying to make it up in some small way: it really is that simple. But if they're not willing to meet you halfway, it's just crap.
But, the important bit is that won't make Christmas with your DC tomorrow any less wonderful, I hope you enjoy it very much.
And I would definitely have DC open all their presents on my bed first thing in the morning without MIL.

Maybe open a couple of presents with toddler before she gets there?

Make sure DD opens her other presents before MIL gets there tomorrow.

I’d be pissed off given she’s there in the morning too. This is your child, not hers. DH should have stopped her.

I agree. In any case, if the little girl has only had one birthday she won't have bought into the Santa myth anyway.

It's regional. Your region of England isn't the entirety of non-american English speaking world, and aren't automatically more traditional than the rest of ours.

YABU

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, especially as MIL is around tomorrow. What if you don’t want DD opening any presents until Christmas morning? Did she check with DH beforehand? I don’t let my DS open any presents until Christmas Day and would be pissed off if a family member gave him presents to open on Christmas Eve.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP !! In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter and will have given your MIL a great deal of pleasure too -

I much prefer Santa. It's not American, it's Dutch, and been used in the UK since medieval times so pre-dates America.

Also much easier for little kids to say and dyslexics to write.

I think you’re being unreasonable as MIL had bought the presents. It’s not like she came round and opened presents other people had bought. I wouldn’t be annoyed, you’ll get to see her open loads tomorrow :)
Re Santa, I always hid most presents until arranging them near the tree when they were in bed on Xmas eve, filled up their stockings and labelled one extra gift from Santa. It’s worth bearing in mind that some people won’t be able to afford much or anything to give from Santa and kids talk at school :(. Totally irrelevant but thought I’d add it on as some people say Santa brings all the presents 🤷🏻‍♀️

If she’s going to be there Christmas morning she could of waited.

When did your toddler turn 1? I have an 18 month old who I know won’t care about opening presents and will be more interested in the wrapping paper/ boxes so if it makes you feel any better you probably didn’t miss out on much excitement (maybe different if they are closer to 2).

I think it was a dick move but this is MN where noone's allowed to care about anything ever so I imagine I'll be a minority!

Was she still there when you got home?

If so, then she should have waited.

The good bit is that your DH is now in charge of the thank you notes to gran since this was done on his watch.

You are unreasonable. But I’m sure you’ll get over it in the years to come when you’ll realise it’s petty .

A nice person waits for a child's mother to be there to give them presents to open.
A nasty piece of work pushes boundaries and then calls 'petty' whomever objects.
😉

Yes this doesnt make sense, presents under the tree are from santa, mum, dad, brother, sister, grandparents etc etc

It doesnt undermine any belief in father christmas

Seen as she's coming tomorrow too I wouldn't like this and I'd find it sneaky that said my mil used to be quite sneaky !

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I hope they make sure you get to spend time with your child tomorrow alone, while they do the work.

Better for your child not to have them all on the same day. Have a lovely Christmas and try not to worry about little things like this 🎄

Presumably she asked your DH if it was okay, and he said yes. If that's the case, she's done nothing wrong.

Also her son's child, and he seems to have said it was okay.

My goodness me, I would have been fuming if this had happened when mine were little.
Thankfully DH and I both came from families where Father Christmas delivered all the presents from everyone and they were opened Christmas morning with no thought of whether the government was there.
I think a lot of Christmas present opening upset comes from everyone expecting their other half does Christmas exactly the same way they do - which often isn’t the case. As with all things prior discussion is key and there is no right way to do Christmas.

Well in my family because he was a magical postman.
I never had presents under the tree, it still feels an odd concept and all the presents are still squirreled away ( including those from family in the back of my car) to be delivered by Father Christmas and my kids are 18 and 15.