DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

of all the drip feeds completely shifting the original narrative, this one is up there with the best, causing division and vile name calling of the perceived villain, making no allowance for your own haplessness, daughter’s medical issues, son’s inability to drive
You need to pass your test OP - the goodwill of your Fiance has been stetched to its limits especially if he reads this, with enough identifying information, next stop DM

I am sorry for the loss of your ex and your children’s dad.

You need to leave this man you call your DP. If you stay with him then in later life if you need help he will NOT be there for you.

Health conditions permitting please learn to drive as it will give you so much freedom.

Just include all the facts.

leaving them to make their own way home on the worst day ever is probably the most despicable part of his behaviour, because it wasn’t a choice made in the heat of the moment. And because he knows how traumatic watching someone die can be it’s even more appalling.

Have a day off.

Why does the girls distress trump HIS distress at seeing death and being traumatised for it?

He still took her. But as said, dont let facts get in the way of your hatred for men - without whom women wouldnt become "mums" in the first place.

You clearly suffer from and display misandry - a hatred of men and do not permit them to express their feelings.

ditto ^

He won’t be put upon any more because surely you won’t continue the relationship after that. How on earth do you think he can repair the damage done to his relationship with your kids, and he doesn’t deserve their forgiveness really. Like others have said it was the wrong time to make his feelings known.

also PPs call him their step dad. He’s not their step dad. You aren’t married and you don’t even live together. He’s just your boyfriend.

Was his issue the inconvenience of giving lifts, hanging about the hospital for a few hours, then giving lift home? Because if so that's pretty shitty behaviour.

Or is it that he didn't think a 16 year old with significant mental health issues should experience the trauma of seeing her parent actively dying? Potentially feeling like she has to find the right words and ease things (which will have been near impossible)? I dont know OP's daughter. For a lot of people it would absolutely be what they needed to do, and importantly - either way that absolutely wasn't his decision to make. However - him feeling your DD needed to be prepared for, walking into a deeply traumatic situation is understandable, though he went about it all wrong.

I’m assuming he is now your ex dp? Surely anyone who is that heartless to your daughter is not somebody you want in your life.

Well said 👍

My thoughts are with your daughter and son x

Which may be true on a regular day, but not on the day a 16yo's dad is dying.

Well none of us were there so we don't know it was punishment. People say and do things in the heat of the moment if it was me I would have been getting a taxi there and back at the first mention he didn't want to take her - heated arguments in cars with distracted drivers/distressed passengers are exactly how road accidents happen

Ummm, a child seeing her dad die is experiencing more trauma than a grown man driving someone to a hospital and waiting outside. They're really not comparable. Duh.

He showed you his true nature. It’s hard to believe it is the first time either.

Please be an example to your DD and show her that you value yourself and know your worth. Do you want her to end up with someone like your DP? Honestly? You need his demonstrate that we don’t keep people like him in our lives.

Gotta second this post, worst case scenario he felt used for a long time and was getting tired of that, after all they don't even live together, probably has no saying in the children life, if he has much of a life with them, and his trauma might have made everything worse.

So like I said before, there was more to this story lol

And how the heck do you know what trauma he faced?

Where you there?

Do tell enlighten us.

Trauma varies for everyone - its not a battle between who is younger/older when they experience it. JFC 🤦‍♂️🙄

Of course he wouldn’t.

You and she are perfectly reasonable to ask someone who is literally there with a car, a driving licence, and is sober, to drive you to the hospital. Far quicker than a taxi and less stressful in such a horrible situation regardless of the anxiety.

I remember the time I had to pick up my dead cat in a towel from a vet in a taxi and the taxi driver was asking a lot of questions, including, "is it [the cat] ok?" It was horrific. You want privacy and the ability to have emotions when you're going through something traumatic.

The guy is a dick. A stranger would have helped without question knowing the situation, let alone someone who is supposedly part of your family. I could never forgive this. It's the last time he needed to do it, he could have held it together one more time for the sake of everyone else. What a selfish prick.

Yes, I have been subjected to abuse from an early age on and off throughout my life

Ah, the menz have arrived to put us little ladies in our places. Andrew Tate's website must be closed for maintenance today.

I'd mostly agree with this.

7 years is a long relationship, why aren't you living together? He must have watched your children grow up, but has no actual formal position in their lives?

Did your children's dad have a big role in all of your lives? Did your partner get on with him?

Assuming partner works full time, 14 times in 6 weeks, several hours each time, is a big ask, for a family he seems to have a tangential position in.

"Why does the girls distress trump HIS distress at seeing death and being traumatised for it?"

Because it's literally the day her dad is dying and he is an adult? Fucking hell.

I would drive a stranger to.see their dying dad, let alone an SD.
His trauma my foot!

You are continuing to focus on the driving, and not on the abusive behaviour and what you plan to do about it?

You also said “He was already in a mood with me yesterday morning”. This is telling.

Your daughter already has severe anxiety. Get this sulky moody man out of her home immediately, and at the very least, please never let him move into her home.