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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas away from your 1 year old

109 replies

Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda · 22/12/2024 06:40

I don’t get on with my in laws and after spending awkward Christmas and Boxing Day with them every year for many years I have decided that I am not doing this year.
Our DC was born a year ago and two weeks after c-section we were there for Christmas having the most awkward time with DH’s sister and mother acting like a nightmare.
Not doing it again!
DH agreed to spend Christmas Day just the three of us here this year but says he wants to take our DC to his parents (10mins away from us) on Boxing Day. I was absolutely fine with it thinking they would be back with me in the early evening. before DC’s bedtime. Yesterday he tells me he wants to take our 1 year old to his parents from 10am to 10pm leaving me alone all day (I’ve no family here) and also disregarding our child’s bedtime being 6pm (plus we have never once managed to get our DC to nap at the in-laws house so I am guessing he will be up all day). DH sees his parents every week and they see their grandchild as often as they want but DH is saying he can’t just have a few hours with them as it’s not fair. So he is going there for 12h.
I am happy for them to go but not for 12h because of what it will mean for our baby and I don’t think it’s fair to leave me alone all day. AIBU?

OP posts:

woodenbatandball · 22/12/2024 09:34

Crazy concept (but one a lot of single mothers will be able to relate to) what if you just allowed the more than capable DH take the baby for the day and come back at 10pm

Instead this post has vilified the poor guy because he wants to spend sometime with his mother and father over Christmas.

All these posters baying for his blood, will probably be on here years later complaining that their son doesn't want to spend time with them at Christmas because of daughter in law.

There is no problem here. Other than the OP is not getting everything her own way!

DeepRoseFish · 22/12/2024 09:58

itsgettingweird · 22/12/2024 06:48

Errrmmmmmm? What?!

He's the father. The equal parent. He gets equal say.

OP let him go. But he also does the bedtime stuff when he gets home and gets up with them in the night if they are overtired and don't settle. He gets to make choices for his children - but he also gets to be the parent dealing with the consequences of those choices.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. We are talking about a 1 year old who is likely very attached to mum at this age.

No way would this be happening. He can go baby stays with you.

And then think about filing for divorce.

SnappyCroc · 22/12/2024 09:59

Let him go. Seriously this one is not worth having the argument. Either it will all work out fine and the three responsible adults will find a way to get your LO to nap or your DH will bring him home early having learnt not to mess with baby's routine and expect a relaxing time.

I remember flouncing upstairs at my ILs in an exhausted huff because we'd been there with a non-sleeping 6 week old for three days, during which I hadn't slept for more than 10 minutes (baby had colic) or had a shower or a proper meal (ILs like to eat out but no one had brought me back anything since they "thought I'd like to choose myself"). It took a lot of pacing about the house, ham-fisted swaddling and rocking, but eventually DH and FIL got the baby to sleep and MIL brought me up a big plate of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon.

DeepRoseFish · 22/12/2024 10:02

12 hours is outrageous OP.

What an arse.

Floralnomad · 22/12/2024 10:12

The easiest suggestion would be you all go over at 10 and then you and baby leave after 2/3/4 hours when you have had enough . Btw this is a husband problem as much if not more than a MIL problem , he needs to deal with her .

woodenbatandball · 22/12/2024 11:18

@DeepRoseFish I am so confused. Why is 12 hrs outrageous? I've taken my child at one years of age to friends and family and stayed for 12 hours. I'm struggling to see the problem?

woodenbatandball · 22/12/2024 11:20

@DeepRoseFish with all due respect you sound a control freak. At ten months old my daughter was staying overnight with her very loving father. You probably moan that dads don't do enough, whilst barking orders at them to do it your way.

mindutopia · 22/12/2024 11:29

Honestly, I’d say great and enjoy my day - on the condition that he’s the one who comes home and does bedtime and the night wakings and the grizzly next morning early wake up. Have a lovely relaxing day to yourself and let him deal with the carnage. More than likely he will abandon ship after 6 hours with a cranky baby and no chance to properly catch up, eat a meal, etc because he’s flying solo.

Nicknacky · 22/12/2024 11:45