Christmas away from your 1 year old

[Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda]

I don’t get on with my in laws and after spending awkward Christmas and Boxing Day with them every year for many years I have decided that I am not doing this year.
Our DC was born a year ago and two weeks after c-section we were there for Christmas having the most awkward time with DH’s sister and mother acting like a nightmare.
Not doing it again!
DH agreed to spend Christmas Day just the three of us here this year but says he wants to take our DC to his parents (10mins away from us) on Boxing Day. I was absolutely fine with it thinking they would be back with me in the early evening. before DC’s bedtime. Yesterday he tells me he wants to take our 1 year old to his parents from 10am to 10pm leaving me alone all day (I’ve no family here) and also disregarding our child’s bedtime being 6pm (plus we have never once managed to get our DC to nap at the in-laws house so I am guessing he will be up all day). DH sees his parents every week and they see their grandchild as often as they want but DH is saying he can’t just have a few hours with them as it’s not fair. So he is going there for 12h.
I am happy for them to go but not for 12h because of what it will mean for our baby and I don’t think it’s fair to leave me alone all day. AIBU?

Do you have two cars? If so he can go in one and you pop in at 6 for a quick Merry Christmas and to collect baby for bedtime.

If only one car you can drop them in the morning and collect baby at 6. DH can get a lift home.

If everyone could kindly bugger off and let me be on Boxing Day I would be delighted 😂 I have 4 DC though so love periods of being on my own.

No. Stuff that. You made a plan, you had a bad experience last year. If he wants to go to his parents he can, you and your child won’t be doing that.

id be relaxing

Brisk walk at 10am, Hot bubble bath, films, chocolates.

enjoy having a break & spending some quality time with yourself

DH is very hands on and ‘in tune’ with our baby’s needs but that goes out the window at his parents house. whatever his mother says goes. The last time we was all there, after another unsuccessful attempt at putting our overstimulated DC down for a nap, I walked in on his parents talking poorly of me how I try to control the day by putting the baby down just before we eat instead of making him eat with us (by then our 7 month old DC had been up for 6 hours and literally loosing it). That was one of the reasons why I decided just to remove myself from their company so to speak

If this happens this year I guarantee it will happen EVERY year. Do you want to be aline every Boxing Day?

So whether you are there or not it’s going to happen. If she is hands on but then has to deal with your baby alone after his parents have over stimulated - then maybe he won’t just go along with it at other times

I think there's two sensible options here.

The most grown-up is to suggest you bring DS home at some point in the afternoon.

The other is, as PP said, that DH brings him but he also does the overtired bedtime, night wakenings, morning the next day.

Enjoy the downtime while he's away. Most mums of 12 month olds struggle to get 10 minutes to themselves never mind 10 hours, so lean into it. No housework, just a long walk and then a movie and a box of chocolates (or whatever your relaxation of choice is).

Are you asking me if I'm retired? Is that supposed to be an insult? What a nasty poster you are.

OP, try and ignore voices like @BeRubyHedgehog They're just here to wind you up. Enjoy your time to yourself. It doesnt come round often.

I think I'd want my dc home by 4pm.at the latest. Obviously if dh wanted to stay later that'd be up to him.

It's not Christmas away from your 1 year old is it though? It's Boxing day.

How far away do they live? Is that why he feels he has to go for that amount of time? My PIL live around 3 hours away so it was never easy to go for a day visit with wee ones. By the time we'd arrived and seen both of them, done presents, (they're not together) eaten, taken DC to the park or whatever, it was a 12 hour turnaround time with the 6 hour drive. No point in driving for that long if you're only going to stay an hour or two either. But if they're local, he's definitely BU. No need to stay past bedtime - it would be reasonable to say back by 6pm to put DC to bed.

As for spending the day on your own, gently, you are the one who doesn't want to go. It sounds like you have very fair reasons for that, and your MIL sounds like a headache, but it is fair that DH still does want to see his family and wants them to see their grandchild.

If that's not an option, I agree with pp who are saying let DH deal with it and he can find out first hand how hard it is dealing with an overstimulated 1 year old and see how much bandwidth he then has for the complaints of his childish, demanding mother. Have some time for yourself. I bet he'll be so frazzled he'll be back way before 10pm anyway!

seems he is….

The problem here OP is that you unfortunately had a baby with a cowardly mummies boy. I did the same and frankly my life was a nightmare until the day she died.

Some people are more challenging but in your circumstances with them being close by I would be going with him around 11 them heading home at 6 with baby, letting him stay on as late as he wants

If we were in this situation I know that DH would bring the baby home around 4 or 5 for their supper/bath/bed. But it's concerning that he's not backing you up here. And they're only 10 minutes away so 12 hours is totally unnecessary!

You issue is with your husband.

His mother is his priority rather than his wife or child. Who will be dealing with the toddler on the 27th, because I'd be expecting a horrible day if he's kept up until 10pm.

You need to book next Xmas away or this will end up as a set in stone tradition every year.

Can I ask what his mother and sister do that make you feel so awful that you've essentially shut them out of your life?

I grew up with my dad's brother's wife doing this to our family and we never fully understood the reason! He always jumped to her every wish and as a family we never got to know my uncle or cousins! Sad really!

If my partner refused to spend any time with my family, then I'd probably do the same as your husband. It is his child too and they have a right to spend time with his side of the family if he wants your child too. As others have said he probably will be home earlier and if he's not, the child will survive and the world will keep turning.

You can't expect your husband to give up his family because you don't like them.