Christmas away from your 1 year old

[Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda]

I don’t get on with my in laws and after spending awkward Christmas and Boxing Day with them every year for many years I have decided that I am not doing this year.
Our DC was born a year ago and two weeks after c-section we were there for Christmas having the most awkward time with DH’s sister and mother acting like a nightmare.
Not doing it again!
DH agreed to spend Christmas Day just the three of us here this year but says he wants to take our DC to his parents (10mins away from us) on Boxing Day. I was absolutely fine with it thinking they would be back with me in the early evening. before DC’s bedtime. Yesterday he tells me he wants to take our 1 year old to his parents from 10am to 10pm leaving me alone all day (I’ve no family here) and also disregarding our child’s bedtime being 6pm (plus we have never once managed to get our DC to nap at the in-laws house so I am guessing he will be up all day). DH sees his parents every week and they see their grandchild as often as they want but DH is saying he can’t just have a few hours with them as it’s not fair. So he is going there for 12h.
I am happy for them to go but not for 12h because of what it will mean for our baby and I don’t think it’s fair to leave me alone all day. AIBU?

I agree with the suggestions that you go and pick DC up around 4 so you can do evening routine as normal. It will be nice for your DH to then have time with his family child free too.

I'm quite sure she's not.

why is your DH being so weird about being at his mothers from 10am until 10pm and not giving a fuck about you or more importantly (sorry) about his DS's NEEDS?? Why can't he bring DS home in the afternoon, then go back for the evening overnight? Poor DS is going to be a grizzly nightmare without any naps & not going to bed as usual at 6. Does he really think keeping him up until 10 just because he's retaliating is good for DS??

why does he allow them to be the way they are with you??

mummy's boy needs to grow up. You don't need to be having an affair to be a shit husband, don't dismiss the posters comment

Edit To add - it's not Christmas away from your 1 year old, .

Who the hell vidits their parents for 12 hours?! 🥴 put your foot down OP and tell DH what time he can go there and if he doesn’t come back, go and collect child yourself

Personally I’d love a full day alone after the rush of Christmas, so I could Grinchily take down the tree, tidy up all the presents and decorations, hoover and restore order. But you wouldn’t and that’s fine – and I think when my baby (also a close-to-Christmas baby) was barely one I’d have hated being apart from him for 12 hours, and couldn’t because he still breastfed.

Is the “it’s not fair” a direct commentary from DH? It does feel like a strange amount of time and odd choice to take a baby somewhere he won’t nap, for a late night, just to make things “fair”. Why would anyone want a grizzly overtired baby for that long when they’re 10 minutes away and can see you all the time? Going over for the morning and lunch, then coming home for naptime, makes more sense – doing otherwise feels like it’s a tit for tat, “this is what happens when you refuse to have christmas with my family” rebuke.

(I’m amazed you went there two weeks after a section!)

True…but maybe dad is hands on. Such a sweeping generalisation.

I would not be happy with this. A few hours, yes. 10am to 10pm is a big fat no. Unfortunately it sounds like your DH is under his Mum's thumb and needs to grow a spine.

I'd say fine but let him organise everything he needs to take fora long day and be on bed asleep if he got back late. Either he's switched on and it will be fine or he's not and he'll be back earlier having run out of nappies.

As other people have said, let him go. Stay in your jammies all day. Eat leftovers. Watch a box set. Have a bath. Enjoy this precious time to yourself. 12 hours away from you isn't going to damage your baby in any way. Your DH is looking for an argument with you. Don't give it to him.

I was going to say the same. Your DH will have a big wake up call. Let him go and have a luxurious day to yourself.

I agree he is angry indirectly having to let his foul parents down on Christmas Day. He has no back bone and I would find that deeply unattractive. As a result your in laws and dh are punishing you by making the Boxing Day gathering much too long. A revenge of sorts, because there is no way this is in the best interests of the baby!

I would say unless you can stick to 11-4pm she isn’t going at all, and if this continues you will cut back on all visits.

Your in laws should not be undermining your every move. What has your dh done to address this?

In the longer term your dh needs to stand up for you and see his parents for what they are. I would be looking to move further away, it all sounds too emeshed to me. Enjoy the break op if your dd does go.

Do you not have any family OP? When do you get to see them over Christmas if you're always with in-laws every year.

I must say also, very unreasonable of your DH to make you spend Christmas at your in-laws home last year when you were only two weeks post c-section.

Your DH is supporting you in your decision not to spend any of Christmas with your in-laws and he’s postponing celebrations with his family to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with just you and your DC. I think letting him go over there for Boxing Day and not trying to control how that goes is a reasonable compromise - you’re choosing to stay home yourself and that’s completely fine, but I don’t think it’s fair to also blame him for leaving you alone.

He’s equally the baby’s parent. Tell him if he doesn’t want to bring the baby home to nap and have a reasonable bed time then he needs to be ready to handle the overtired baby that results, then plan some lovely things for yourself for the day and let him get on with it.

I'd rather go so that I could leave early with baby because there's no way I'd want my 1 year old out until 10pm, or skipping nap. But Maybe he will realize when he does it that it's too much and bring baby home.

He is prioritising his mother over you op. That was evident last year when you were forced to go just two weeks post c section. Your dh needs to start putting you first, and fast.

I'd be making it sounds like it was his idea to take the baby 10:00-14:00, then bring him back to you before going back fir some adult free time.

I'd be telling him my (fictional) plans of what I was going to do on this lovely child free day, the walk I was going on and the cinema film I was going to see with X friend. Chances are as he is a twat and punishing you he won't want you to do those things so will say he is bringing DC back early.

He's agreed to do the Christmas you want so I don't see why this is a big deal. You can have a peaceful restful day and he can visit his mum so that you don't have to. Im sure you'll be fine for a day. There is no problem here unless you choose to make one.

The problem is that it’s actually not fair on the baby! You know that small detail of child welfare. Jesus.

Don't be so ridiculous.

I wouldn’t take my baby for 12 hours without a rest. Most good parents wouldn’t.

Of course I have. This is hysterical advice being given here.

No way would I want my baby out that amount of time without naps and overtired they’d be feeling terrible!
Completely unfair to your child, really seeing his parents for a few hours with baby is plenty. He can always go back alone later on.
No way would I agree to this, he’s using your child as a weapon to punish you with.

Enjoy your peaceful Boxing Day. Let your DH deal with an overtired and grizzly baby. His choice.

Maybe I am awful but I would actually relish the break and being alone. 10pm is too late though I would have an issue with this. I’d ask him to bring the baby back in the afternoon or go and collect baby. They are only ten minutes away.

Mate, honestly, let it happen. Don't waste energy on arguing.

A few others have said this - there's no way he'll stay there until 10 with a one year old who hasn't napped.

Let life teach him this lesson and you enjoy a day of peace.