Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy boring house to be near good school

102 replies

HouseMoveHopeful · 21/12/2024 22:57

Honestly just that. We live in a town where one secondary has massive bulling issues and the other is physically crumbling. Houses are pretty affordable, but the town is really really run down with a lot of obvious drug problems. Current house is far too small, I need office space and another bedroom for DC.

We’ve been gifted a big chunk of money to move to catchment for an outstanding school, modern building, great facilities, naice rural village. But to get the space we need inside for the house we can only afford a modern build with postage stamp garden, lovely area, but just not what I thought we’d be able to move to.

This is a total, total, first world problem I know, but currently we have tiny house but huge garden, and I adore the garden. There is literally nothing else on the market in our price range.

AIBU to have massive wobble? I can’t talk to my friends locally because they all went to the local schools and think they are perfect. DC are all really academic (but probably on the high functioning autistic side and haven’t gelled with kids at their school)

YABU - get over yourself, enjoy bigger house and better school. Plant wildflower meadows guerrilla style on the local verges and walk in the hills more.

YANBU - stay put/stay local, enjoy your massive garden.

OP posts:
hazelnutvanillalatte · 21/12/2024 23:01

I'd say B but I'm in the EXACT same position, living in a lovely small period property at the local school (good, but not great) with the option of moving to a cookie cutter new build that looks the same as every other new build in the neighbourhood - but next to an amazing school. I know I should bite the bullet but I honestly felt a bit sick on the viewing like I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Agix · 21/12/2024 23:03

Lovingly, YABU. I get it, I really do, I'd love the big garden too... but a nice house in a nice area with the space you need inside? It'll be worth it. A good school will have lasting positive impacts on your kids. You can go adventuring into the countryside in evenings and at weekends, and plant those wildflowers as you say too.

Octavia64 · 21/12/2024 23:04

Teens don't give a shit about gardens.

In your shoes I'd move until the youngest is through secondary and then plan to move somewhere with a massive garden.

Gardendiary · 21/12/2024 23:07

Honestly, do it. The peace of mind of having your child happy and in a good school they like cannot be overstated. I say this from my boxy semi - money is finite, compromises have to be made.

peachgreen · 21/12/2024 23:10

Sorry — and I do get it, I promise — but YABU. You can move to your dream house when your kids are through school. I’d never live in the house or area I live in if it was just me – in fact I’d be in an entirely different country! – but I moved here to give DD the best chance school-wise and it’s been 100% worth it. It will be for you too.

TempestTost · 21/12/2024 23:12

I would find this hard too.

My biggest worry is I would make the move and the new school wouldn't work out. On the other hand, if it did work out I think it would be worth it.

A small garden can be a creative challenge, and maybe you could join a garden club, or get an allotment?

Once your child is out of school what are the chances you can sell up for a different kind of property?

OolongTeaDrinker · 21/12/2024 23:23

the town is really really run down with a lot of obvious drug problems

You have a chance to get you and your children out of there, it’s a no brainer. You don’t want them to end up like your friends who are so entrenched in the town’s culture that they don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s lovely to have a big garden but even lovelier to see your children at a school where they will be able to fulfil their potential.

TuesdayNameChangeArama · 21/12/2024 23:26

YABU and I write this from the livingroom of my uninspiring 1970's semi in peaceful suburbia, 3 mins walk from DD's school.

cestlavielife · 21/12/2024 23:29

What s most important to you? For next 10 years?
The nicer location and better school.for your kids?
Or a big garden for you?

Parents have to compromise for their kids right?

Or just do not compromise
Stay where you are
Keep the garden
Kids can suck it up at school
They will be fine .....

It really is up to you

Just don't tell them your reasons?

TickingAlongNicely · 21/12/2024 23:33

I don't love our house. Its practical. Its sufficient.

I love DDs school. I think I would live in a cardboard box for them to go there.

Original poster
HouseMoveHopeful · 21/12/2024 23:36

OolongTeaDrinker · 21/12/2024 23:23

the town is really really run down with a lot of obvious drug problems

You have a chance to get you and your children out of there, it’s a no brainer. You don’t want them to end up like your friends who are so entrenched in the town’s culture that they don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s lovely to have a big garden but even lovelier to see your children at a school where they will be able to fulfil their potential.

You’re spot on yes, I’ve found the town culture very odd here, I know I’m being judged for moving. I want my kids to be happy and have the opportunity to thrive in subjects they enjoy in school.

OP posts:
RM2013 · 21/12/2024 23:42

I sacrificed a large garden for a much smaller one to get a bigger house in a much better area. Old house had a huge garden but house itself was tiny and in a part of town that made it difficult for teens to get out and about. We now have a much smaller garden but it’s a better area, suits us all so much better. Some days I miss our big garden but then I remember it was only ever me that did the gardening or sat in it

monkeysox · 21/12/2024 23:43

HouseMoveHopeful · 21/12/2024 22:57

Honestly just that. We live in a town where one secondary has massive bulling issues and the other is physically crumbling. Houses are pretty affordable, but the town is really really run down with a lot of obvious drug problems. Current house is far too small, I need office space and another bedroom for DC.

We’ve been gifted a big chunk of money to move to catchment for an outstanding school, modern building, great facilities, naice rural village. But to get the space we need inside for the house we can only afford a modern build with postage stamp garden, lovely area, but just not what I thought we’d be able to move to.

This is a total, total, first world problem I know, but currently we have tiny house but huge garden, and I adore the garden. There is literally nothing else on the market in our price range.

AIBU to have massive wobble? I can’t talk to my friends locally because they all went to the local schools and think they are perfect. DC are all really academic (but probably on the high functioning autistic side and haven’t gelled with kids at their school)

YABU - get over yourself, enjoy bigger house and better school. Plant wildflower meadows guerrilla style on the local verges and walk in the hills more.

YANBU - stay put/stay local, enjoy your massive garden.

Use some of the money to extend the house you have?

cestlavielife · 21/12/2024 23:45

Who is judging? The locals?
When you move you don't need to see any of the judgy people any more
In any case if you decide to move it s your choice
Do what is right for you and your dc
List pros and cons and decide based on what you want to prioritise. It s your life and your dc life

hopelessmary · 21/12/2024 23:48

Slightly different scenario but we could have e had a spacious 3 bedroom home in an area I didn't like and instead we chose a smaller 2 bedroom house in an area with great schools. I don't regret it for a second because they've had a great school life. In terms of the house...yes the older they get I crave a bigger house but the school thing came first for us.

Original poster
HouseMoveHopeful · 21/12/2024 23:48

monkeysox · 21/12/2024 23:43

Use some of the money to extend the house you have?

Show quote history

Sadly not possible on current property, not to mention money given “is to move near better school” so whilst there’s no real conditions on it, I don’t think that would be very respectful to the giver.

OP posts:
Applepoop · 21/12/2024 23:49

Get to the outstanding school. The end.

Silvertulips · 21/12/2024 23:50

We have a small garden. Hardly use it as the weather is crap most of the times

I would move.

Toopulululu · 21/12/2024 23:50

Gardens are overrated. It’s just another thing to tidy up and maintain.

Huonneyywisshful · 21/12/2024 23:51

Education trumps everything else.

Nc546888 · 21/12/2024 23:51

I don’t know OP how small is this village??
I lived in a village during teenage years and it was awful for us both. We wish we had been in the town!!
is it a village or a small town? How old are DC

TappyGilmore · 21/12/2024 23:52

We were in a very similar situation 18 months ago and went with the good school catchment. Now we’ve moved, we love the area even more and are very grateful to be here. No regrets at all.

HolyStyleFailBatman · 21/12/2024 23:56

Oh I really sympathise, that is a tough compromise to make. Ultimately I think the better area would benefit your kids more than the bigger garden, but it does sting.

Original poster
HouseMoveHopeful · 22/12/2024 00:00

Nc546888 · 21/12/2024 23:51

I don’t know OP how small is this village??
I lived in a village during teenage years and it was awful for us both. We wish we had been in the town!!
is it a village or a small town? How old are DC

It’s a small village (no shops) on the edge of a very big thriving village (really a small town) 15 mins from a major city.

I’ve thought really hard about that point - but the big town we live in at the moment is beyond dead, the high street shops have all shut down, now all the charity shops are following suit, there is literally nothing for teens to do here other than prowl around vape shops, go to McDonald’s, or catch train to big city.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 22/12/2024 00:01

@HouseMoveHopeful We’ve been gifted a big chunk of money to move to catchment for an outstanding school, modern building, great facilities, naice rural village. But to get the space we need inside for the house we can only afford a modern build with postage stamp garden, lovely area, but just not what I thought we’d be able to move to.

I understand the dilemma but it has to be the bigger house/better school/nicer area. You can move in 10 years.