To buy boring house to be near good school

[HouseMoveHopeful]

Honestly just that. We live in a town where one secondary has massive bulling issues and the other is physically crumbling. Houses are pretty affordable, but the town is really really run down with a lot of obvious drug problems. Current house is far too small, I need office space and another bedroom for DC.

We’ve been gifted a big chunk of money to move to catchment for an outstanding school, modern building, great facilities, naice rural village. But to get the space we need inside for the house we can only afford a modern build with postage stamp garden, lovely area, but just not what I thought we’d be able to move to.

This is a total, total, first world problem I know, but currently we have tiny house but huge garden, and I adore the garden. There is literally nothing else on the market in our price range.

AIBU to have massive wobble? I can’t talk to my friends locally because they all went to the local schools and think they are perfect. DC are all really academic (but probably on the high functioning autistic side and haven’t gelled with kids at their school)

YABU - get over yourself, enjoy bigger house and better school. Plant wildflower meadows guerrilla style on the local verges and walk in the hills more.

YANBU - stay put/stay local, enjoy your massive garden.

Move to the school catchment area. If you can't settle there, move again once DC, or DC 1, has started at the secondary. In the meantime, get on an allotment waiting list to be able to keep gardening.

There may also be local community garden projects or similar, if the physical work of gardening is what you like.

We had this scenario this year too. Small house without a drive near fantastic state schools and grammar schools vs huge house surrounded by fields with horses but with badly performing schools. Even the private schools (not that we could afford it!!) were awful.
My heart wanted the country house but we chose the small house with better schools for our son (awaiting autism assessment and may need support at school). As others have said, one day we can have a dream house but we chose the schools that can help him thrive as much as possible.

If you move, could you carve out a bit of your budget to spend on the new garden? You could treat yourself to something you've also wanted? A green wall or roof? Beautiful hardscaping? Some amazing furniture? The beauty of a small garden is that things which are completely unaffordable for a larger garden are an awful lot cheaper.

I do get you but - yeah. I’d move to the big house with the small garden near the hood school.

Plan to downsize later to a pretty little cottage with a big garden and focus on amazing houseplants for the time being!

This. I really think get under the skin of these schools. It’s not straightforward. What exactly is it that you think is a better fit about the school? DS’ school has been described as rough and various other general negative statements. People (middle class) didn’t like the look of the intake. The reality is so different. They might not be majority middle class but DS has has a great experience, good teaching, lovely friends. I think there is a middle class obsession with moving for a ‘good’ school and it gives me the ick. Only exception is if there is a real specific, tangible reason.

I have recently downsized decent garden to postage stamp. With all the other stuff needs doing in the house I'm not missing it too much but it is winter. Does help that views are good. I'm also planning vertical gardening and plants in the house. I am planning a wormery as the garden is not very fertile and wormeries are less smelly than compost and smaller. If you can get a garden with a decent amount of sun then easier to grow veg and sunny windowsills. Look out for community garden or allotments if you need more space
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Find out whether the school has lots of clubs (compared with other options) as they are very helpful for DC who find socialising more difficult. I would move soon as you can so DC have more time to get to know local children in primary school. If no spaces at the primary then join brownies/ scouts football locally.

Don't know if anyone else suggested it, but is there a suitable private school? Could you use the moving money for that?

We moved for an outstanding school into an impossibly expensive area. We live in a 2 bed flat - a fairly spacious one with own garden and front door - and love it. DDs now at uni but they shared a room throughout school.

No regrets.

Print this out. Stick it on your fridge In your new house in the nice village and read it over and over when you feel sad about the garden you gave up in the hell hole you lived in.

Yes ours has sold, so not sure waiting for January influx will work - time isn’t on our side as we’d have to apply for eldest secondary school place in September

Moving money isn’t going to come anywhere near private school fees for 3 kids

Get the boring house with the small garden. Once your youngest is in y7 you can sell up and move to somewhere with a larger garden. Don't prioritise your gardening over DCs education.

This is part of what I’m struggling with - it’s so hard to know what school will actually fit what kid.

the options are:

1. school near us with major bullying issue, several friends are moving kids out of it. Reputation for being excellent with sport. My kids are sporty. Facilities look decent, but my kids teacher has strongly discouraged us from it
2. school near us that is crumbling- DC found the build scary and oppressive (both DH and I were shocked, and he went to a very rough inner city school). I’ve heard there’s a lot of scraps in the school grounds, but apparently more focus on wellbeing and an autism unit. Teachers looked so bored when we walked around and all the walls were grey and no pictures anywhere. Focus is very much on sports and drama.
3. move to offered outstanding school - beautiful building, modern, well designed, full of light. Teachers were enthusiastic (we know friends who have relatives working there who enjoy it). Very academically focused (which is where DC shine), kids artwork beautifully displayed everywhere, but very middle class area and it’s got a reputation of being very strict and not so good if kids are struggling academically which concerns me a bit for DC2 who I think is ADHD. In the same school board area there is another school further away that is apparently one of the best in the region for ASD/ADHD so could look at transferring if needed, but it’d be a painful drive.
4. move to massive city and look at schools there but would be a hell of a commute for work with the rush hour traffic it could take 1 hour just to get out of the city.

Now you mention it’s strict you really need to assess if DC2 would be oK there. Ofsted good rating is a good school. Make absolutely certain outstanding is not at the expense of some dc who don’t enjoy the ethos and culture. Also check any residency rules. Some schools here have early residency rules due to lots trying to game the system.

I had a chuckle at bored looking teachers and a school that’s good at drama! My bet is it’s average at drama as most state schools are. If academics mean most, and shiny new is important, I’d go for the move. You must also recognise dc should be discerning with friendships. Many are but some find the lure of naughty dc irresistible.

Definitely check out allotments and even community gardens. I do recognise smaller communities have drug issues too but dc have to be resilient and make the best choices. What will you do about existing friendships? Will friends feel you are deserting them? We sent dc to private schools and found it polarised friends and particularly relatives. You might need a thick skin and be prepared for ties to be cut.

The bullying is definitely a concern. How are they dealing with it? I’d be interested in their progress 8. DS’ school has a very high level of FSM but their P8 is consistently good so I knew DS could get on there. I randomly spoke to some children from DS’ school and asked how they found it. That helped to reassure me. We also visited twice. I felt i had to do all that to work out if the poor rep was true/ out of date etc.

I generally think moving explicitly for a school risks placing to much pressure on any school none if which are perfect and all of which can change. But this sounds like you are moving for a better area for your family life and for different school options, as long as it's both I think it's fine and normal to compromise on house for better area / amenities etc

I moved 15 years ago and compromised on the garden in favour of a great school.
I don't regret it at all. I'm still looking forward, once past the school years, to moving to a bigger garden. I've created a tropical conservatory instead.

Re scraps - in inner city schools I think it is par for the course. DS never mentions it but said the other day they happen all the time. If your child is not like that they just don’t get involved. I once asked DS if he felt scared - he was totally bemused and said something about how you would never randomly be targeted and implied it was a ridiculous question

If you put it like that I think Option 2 and 3 are on more equal footing.
I really wouldn't care how the school building looks. My niece went to the ugliest school I've ever seen but the school community is awesome. After 5 years they moved to a georgeous renovated building. So you'll never know.

I wouldn't recommend moving to a village with children but ultimative it Dependance on the schools.
I grew up quite rurally but at least with a decent transportation network. So I could at least meet friends and go to my hobbies without my parents ferrying me everywhere.
Others weren't so lucky and it was a pain in the ass for them. Also drunk driving for teens was very common. Also if your DC are ND it might be a lot harder for them to meet their people if they live rurally.

Possible to pick a different area with a good school but less expensive?

Yes if DH would move that way, but he won’t but won’t even really explain why.

That’s what I was wondering. I imagine the length of the commute is a factor too.

Different scenario, but we moved ten years ago because of the house. I wasn’t keen on the area, but the house trumped it. Over time, the unpleasant town has encroached more and more, to the point where I just didn’t want to live there any more. Regular reports of vehicle thefts, anti social behaviour, drug taking, run down town centre and a vibe I just didn’t like.

I was glad to leave it behind last month.

It's sounds like the only compromise is a non character home and small garden. But ut does have a garden so you can have a bbq or open the doors on a sunny day. The new build is likely to be a good EPC rating and minimise those costs over the next few years. Obviously get a report for.snagging and avoid the builders with awful reputations. Try and buy a house that's in a decent situation on the estate to resell and get sufficient parking allocated.

But I'd move. For sure. Get your children the best education possible. And you are still on the housing ladder.

If you want to grow vegetables and fruit, look into allotments. We have a huge garden and it takes A LOT of maintenance. So you do win extra time back if you go for a small patch

Where I live I’ve seen blatent drug dealing several times in the last couple of months, some idiot driving a motorcycle up the pavement at about 40mph, and it’s supposed to be one of the nicer areas of the town. I’ve not enjoyed my time living here for a lot of reasons. Felt very judged for not being from the area originally, very hard to make friends - only really got two who meet up with me now, see my friends from across the country where I used to live more, and it’s complicated but DH was massively bullied in his last job and just wants to get out of the area.