Shy 2 year old - comments

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Wondering if anyone has some advice or tips. My DD is absolutely adorable. At home and in environments she knows (eg her playgroup and classes) she is chatty and giggly and a lot of fun. However, when we go into new environments eg holidays or peoples house or shops - she totally changes. She goes really shy and often pulls on my leg and will look very upset and not speak to anyone. I guess she goes very shy. We are currently on holiday and all of the lovely staff keep trying to play with her or smile or ask her for a high five etc and she will just hide or look sad. I have tried encouraging her but she is just really shy.

It’s night two and a few people have made comments about how she is “stroppy” or “always tired” or “totally silent” or
”wow so quiet so weird’” it’s really upsetting me. I explain that she is just shy and to give her time but of course cannot say that to every person!

Is her behaviour normal? People just expect kids to be all animated and bubbly. She is not. Yes she is quiet and shy around new people but that doesn’t make her weird.

I am getting myself quite sad.

This makes me so sad. My kids are the same, i was like it as a kid too. Like you say people just expect kids to laugh at their stupid jokes or want to interact with them and i dont think they know how to act when kids dont like it so in most cases (like theyre being to you) they be very rude!
Your dd is not weird at all! Not everyone's born an extrovert. My ds is now 6 and is alot more confident and will interact a bit more but hes pretty clued up on fake people and tends to ignore them. I just now say to people who are rude about it 'he doesnt have to talk to anyone he doesnt want to' or roll my eyes and walk away.

I say your doing exactly the right thing, encourage but if shes not interested just shrug it off and walk away, you dont owe anyone an explanation, especially if theyre rude anyway. My mum used to laugh at me and kept saying i was silly and shy and try force me to do stuff and now im very anxious.
Im rubbish at advice and i barely ever post but i just wanted to try make you feel even a little bit better. Your dd isnt weird at all, its ok to take time to warm up to people, its ok to be a little bit wary. People are just rude

She's fine. They're fucking rude.

they are rude. My DD is shy, she is 17 soon and still shy, she is ok in her friend group but it’s just her personality.

This post is so kind and thoughtful, I am tearing up! Thank you for replying. We just had dinner and she refused to speak to anyone and actually would stop eating and hug me if someone came super close to her. I mean I wouldn’t like it if I was setting chips and someone came and interrupted me singing and putting on a funny voice or trying to put a Santa hot on me so why should she!

Don’t label her as being shy. Just say she’s not feeling very chatty just now or just getting used to all the new faces of whatever.

People are so rude. My daughter was exactly the same at two, I felt I spent my life saying ‘she just takes time to warm up’. People would say ‘oh she doesn’t like me’ ‘oh she’s so grumpy’. She’s 3.5 now and is completely the opposite, you can’t keep her quiet. Her behaviour is completely normal, she’s so young. People seem to think young children are there for their entertainment!

Just saw this and had to reply. This is absolutely how my DD was. First off I think this is entirely appropriate and normal- kids should be wary of strangers, it’s developmental. My DD is now 10. When she was little she was so shy that she used to get off the climbing frame or slide in the park if another child got on it. She wouldn’t talk to anyone she didn’t know and used to scream when I left her. She’s still a bit on the quiet side compared to some others in her class (but so was I), but is in a really supportive school and is thriving. Try not to worry OP. There’s nothing wrong with her. Just support her and love her as she is.
I never liked labelling DD as shy- I think I said to ppl that she just likes to get to know people before trusting them. Or something like that.
Hope you get more replies.

She's fine! She's not a performing monkey.

My daughter is like this too and we have also had arseholes make rude comments. I just say that she’s ’selective about the company she keeps’ and stare them out a little bit 😂

Though if you are in a place where there is character entertainment, it’s to be expected they’ll stop by your table -maybe you could ask that your table isn’t visited by any of the entertainment staff.

Never has a post related to me so much. That is exactly how I feel - that I’m always having to “make an excuse” (I know that sounds mean) but you know what I mean? That is exactly the comments they make to her - grumpy, stroppy, doesn’t like me etc. Is there anything you did to “help” your DD or did it happen naturally? And exactly, she isn’t a performing seal!!

I could've written this op! Worst I had was a concerned look and patronising 'don't worry I'm sure she will improve once she starts nursery' - like my toddler is a problem that needs 'fixing' ffs! It's so annoying. She's less shy now so I get it less but she used to be super shy at toddler group so I get it.

No advice but solidarity. Dd is also tall for her age so I am used to getting shocked reactions when I say her age. She's 3 in March but someone last week thought she's 4!

This is so similar regarding the climbing frame. If her ball goes near other people that she doesn’t know she’ll stop running to the ball and come back to us!

OMG. We have had the same comment about nursery. It’s like I keep her home all day. But in her stay and plays and playgroups where she feels comfortable with children and the layout and environment she is different.

this thread has really reaaaured me.

Love this!!

People can just be so weird. When my 6 year old was a baby he had a strawberry birth mark on his forehead and honestly op the comments I had on that would really shock you. Really horrible. Total strangers every time!

That really upsets me that someone could say such horrible things. ❤️

Normal for some kids - my ds was shy - I just let him sit on my knee if he wanted or if there were things to do - such as a playgroup, would go with him to play with something - if anyone asked I just said he was a warme upper - he would be fine once he had warmed up - he is fine now - sometimes a bit reserved but it isn't holding him back

100%

My niece is nearly 3. She is absolutely brilliant with people she knows but super shy around others. So sweet and funny, an absolute joy to be around

She doesn't owe anyone a smile, a laugh, a high five.

She will probably grow of it. For now, that's her and that's fine.

What a lovely aunty you are ❤️.

It’s exhausting isn’t it, I know exactly what you mean about ‘finding a reason’. I didn’t do anything in particular to help her - she was at nursery four days a week and we do classes on a Friday with other kids. Have play dates sometimes on a Fridays too. I think she genuinely just got older and developed more confidence naturally though. I just always reassured her she never had to hug/high five anyone she didn’t want to, didn’t have to talk to anyone she didn’t want too. As long as she feels safe and confident and loved around you, which she evidently does, that’s really the most important thing!

My job involves working at a reception desk some of the time. I think most toddlers are wary of strangers. A good proposition of them hide behind a parent and might peek out and give you smile.
My own kids are in their 20s now and sometimes I wonder if those little short videos of toddlers you see all the time are changing the way some people view toddlers, like it's almost a toddler's job to be performing and cheeky all the time. I hate those videos. They seem like such an invasion of privacy.

Totally normal, if you read older books there are often references of young children "hiding in mother's skirts" or peeking out from behind them.

Imagine being 2 having no idea where you are when s somewhere new, no idea who the people are, no idea whether it is forever or just a short time. The more I think about it being a toddler sounds scary, no wonder they get overwhelmed.

Not always possible but you can try things like getting into the space before it fills up, so she can run around the entertainment space whilst it's fairly empty and people come into her space, rather than her going into a preoccupied space. Or turning her around so she can't see the overwhelming things but can see you whilst she adjusts. Try a sticker calendar so she can stick a sticker on each each morning and see how many 'sleeps' before going home.

Such lovely advice. The main issue is when someone comes and talks to her. She almost freezes. Or if she’s running around and sees a stranger she’ll run back to me and indeed pull on my skirt. I love her so much!

If you think about it, it's self preservation too. You wouldn't want a toddler who happily walked off with any person that walks up to them.